I need help. I'm tired of my husband making me work! (love, separate)

[Pitt Chick]

Originally Posted by monumentus

I do hope the OP comes back and lets us know that because people are basically making it up for her as they go along.

I doubt she will.
This seems to be yet another 'one-and done' post designed to get us all arguing amongst ourselves.

[JustJulia]

Originally Posted by Sparkledove

I have been married since March 2015 and my husband has a food truck. It's pretty much been his dream to have one and he spent 4 years working in food places and learning how to do it so he could get his own truck. This was his first year having the truck and its been cool because we put it on twitter and fb, Instagram and over the summer his truck got some attention online and its been successful.

The problem is that he makes me help him and I'm really miserable. I graduated high school last year and I barely see my friends anymore, I just catch up with them online and fb. We start preparing everything EARLY and even after there are no more people and customers we still have to wipe everything down and clean and then there is the ordering the stuff he needs to cook... It's never stop!

Another thing is that at first he was just doing ice cream and when that was over he said it was just seasonal.. Well that was the summer since that's when iuce cream is popular but now he has moved on to actual food and I hate it because I feel like we are in the truck more than we are at home.

I try to stay home but he makes me go because he needs the extra help since the lines can get long. Every time I tell him to hire someone new he gets really annoyed and that starts a fight. But these past few months have not been then happiest I have been soooo depressed and I feel so shut in I just want to take a day off or for us to spend time together not on the truck. We didn't even do a honeymoon because at that time the truck was getting painted and he wanted to stick around and see it getting done in person.

Plus working on it all day just makes me tired. I try to talk to him about it but he gets mad when I do. I just need advice on what to say plus how to work on our relationship. Thanks

Running your own business is a lot of work and requires a huge investment of time and energy to get it off the ground. It sounds like you and your husband did not really discuss the help he hoped you would be able to provide, so you should start there. Hiring someone costs money that the business might not have right now. As the business grows and becomes more successful--with your continued help--that might be possible down the line. Your husband pays the bills, so it's up to you to help out in the best way you can. If you can work elsewhere and pull an income that is more than the cost of hiring your replacement in the food truck, go for it. If your intention is to "stay home" and NOT work, which is what it sounds like, it's time to try to make a living in this world. If you want to go on Facebook and play with your friends, get an annullment and move back home with your parents.

[homeboi]

Awww I gues you can try hiring a few illegals when the business is successful enough?

[monumentus]

Originally Posted by reds37win

How do we know it is the husband who doesn't communicate well? We are only getting the one perspective.

I will not argue with that! When we get a post on this forum we can only comment on what we are told. Yes it is one perspective - but it is ALL we have to go on. And making stuff up is not going to fix that problem - just make it worse.

_ALL_ we know here is when she tries to discuss this he gets angry. So that is all I can comment on honestly. I can make up other scenarios and comment on them instead - sure - but what will that bring?

Originally Posted by reds37win

I've always been told, don't present a problem unless you can propose a solution. Otherwise you are just complaining.

Sounds like awful advice to me. Sounds like it comes from the archaic society my grand parents came from where women were meant to put up and shut up - and men were meant to have no genuine feelings or weaknesses. The kind of awful advice that has people suffering from depression doing so alone - because the stigma of reaching out is too great.

I am glad I not only have not received that advice - but have never heard it before - know no one who lives by it - and no one who is a slave to it. I would never perpetuate this advice to anyone myself.

Originally Posted by reds37win

She needs to approach him with an idea or a plan.

According to the OP however - she did. "Every time I tell him to hire someone new he gets really annoyed and that starts a fight." So rather than discuss this proposed solution with her based on the merits or demerits of the idea - he gets annoyed and starts a fight.

Originally Posted by oceangaia

Yes, we do know that. And it is clearly.

That was not my point. All we know is attempts to communicate about it result in anger and fighting. I ask again the question - how can anyone be in agreement on anything if they can not communicate in the first place? That is not agreement. That is one person enforcing their internal agreement on another

Originally Posted by Pitt Chick

I doubt she will.
This seems to be yet another 'one-and done' post designed to get us all arguing amongst ourselves.

Quite possible. But I have an indestructible optimism in this life it seems

[reds37win]

Originally Posted by monumentus

Sounds like awful advice to me. Sounds like it comes from the archaic society my grand parents came from where women were meant to put up and shut up - and men were meant to have no genuine feelings or weaknesses. The kind of awful advice that has people suffering from depression doing so alone - because the stigma of reaching out is too great.

I am glad I not only have not received that advice - but have never heard it before - know no one who lives by it - and no one who is a slave to it. I would never perpetuate this advice to anyone myself.

Then I take it you haven't been on the internet very long. If you do a Google search, there are a massive number of hits relating to this very subject. While the origin is likely business related, it's a good philosophy in life.

Unless you would just rather complain. A lot.

[melovescookies]

OP, do you not want work at all or you just don't want to work on the food truck? What kind of work do you think you're qualified to do right now anyway? At 19 the best your going to get is restaurant or retail work so it makes since for you to help out on the truck. Work sucks, most people don't want to go to work but that's life. It sounds like you need to help your husband out for a few months until he gets the business going than find another job when he can afford to pay another employee.

[oceangaia]

Originally Posted by monumentus

That was not my point. All we know is attempts to communicate about it result in anger and fighting. I ask again the question - how can anyone be in agreement on anything if they can not communicate in the first place? That is not agreement. That is one person enforcing their internal agreement on another

And that is MY point. Thanks for making it as well. They are NOT in agreement that he works and she stays home.

As for communication issues, we have only heard her characterization of it. Maybe he gets annoyed when she suggests hiring an employee because he explained clearly the first time she asked that he didn't have the revenues for that yet. Or he didn't yet know how to go about doing that with all the required regulations and didn't have time now to be learning it now. We don't know. But we can INFER her ability to communicate with him based on her ability to communicate with us.

[monumentus]

Originally Posted by reds37win

Then I take it you haven't been on the internet very long. If you do a Google search, there are a massive number of hits relating to this very subject. While the origin is likely business related, it's a good philosophy in life. Unless you would just rather complain. A lot.

Then you "take it" very wrong. 37 years of age and been on the internet since the first 14400bps modem I obtained at the age of 15. And never heard this advice perpetuated anywhere before. And I do not think it a good philosophy in life at all. Let alone in business.

Nor do I think ditching that bad advice means you have to go to the opposite extreme of "complaining a lot" either. Why does it have to be one extreme or the other? There is a healthy balance to be found between solving most problems yourselves - presenting many problems and ideas for solutions to others - AND presenting problems you have no solution for. This "Shut up completely or complain all the time" one extreme or another philosophy does not map onto reality that I can see.

There are innumerable times in life where people see a problem and see no way out. Yet your "advice" would suggest letting the problem fester - even worsen - rather than present it to someone else or seek their advice or ideas.

Nah - we are a social species and there is strength in that. We can seek help from others at any time when we genuinely need it - and ESPECIALLY in situations where we ourselves see no way out - and see no solution. Just because you can not see a solution or an exit plan - does not mean no one else will. And the world is all too full of people who see no way out of a predicament or a bad place they are in - who would just fester in silence due to advice like yours.

Meanwhile anti suicide campaigns - for example - around the world are perpetuating the opposite message to yours - telling them when things seem hopeless with no way out - then DO reach out to others.

The OP and her husband are not just business partners - they are a married couple - life partners - and they need to learn to sit down and communicate their feelings - and their needs - and throw out solutions and ideas to each others in both directions - without shutting down conversation with anger and fighting.

Originally Posted by oceangaia

Thanks for making it as well.

I usually do make my points very well thanks. Or so I am generally told. None of us are 100% though are we

Originally Posted by oceangaia

As for communication issues, we have only heard her characterization of it. Maybe he gets annoyed when she suggests hiring an employee because he explained clearly the first time she asked that he didn't have the revenues for that yet.

Maybe - but on here I tend not to discuss the maybes but the information the OPs actually do give. Because there are any number of possible maybes - it would take 10000s of pages to discuss them all. So all I have to comment on is the OP saying when she brings it up - he shuts it down.

IF that is not accurate - then neither are my comments - but I can still only comment on what the OP actually said - not what MAY be true.

[Mikala43]

Well, if you will not continue to help your husband start a business that benefits you both, at the very least have a full time job as the reason for leaving. I admit, if I were the husband I would be disappointed in you.

[oh-eve]

Guys, we do not even have much info but everybody tells the OP to grow up.

We do not know how much she works. She might get up at 4 am and works until late night 7 days/week. Who would want to do that?
We do not know if her husband and her agreed on doing the truck thing together. Maybe she told him right away this is not how she sees her life. Why should she have to put up with this?
We do not know if the husband told her he will hire help and then just didn't.
We do not know ANYTHING other than her not liking the work at the truck.

Of course she could be a spoiled brat who feels too entitled to work 8hours/day and rather sleeps until noon. But nowhere in her opening post were stated any details.