I need help. I'm tired of my husband making me work! (kids, advice)

[Just A Guy]

Originally Posted by oceangaia

That would be fine though I just don't get the impression that she is looking to trade one job with long hours for another job with long hours. And a hired employee would probably be far less dependable than a family member you live with.

Forcing your wife to work your personal dream job in your business sounds like a great way to ruin the marriage.

[Just A Guy]

Originally Posted by lkmax

Yeah, I get the impression that the OP wants to hang out with friends and play with animals all day. The thing is, she's not in high school anymore. Unless she was very spoiled, she would still need to go to college or work even if she weren't married. Married or not, hanging out all day just really isn't an option for adults.

Agreed. She needs to get her own job.

[NWGirl74]

Originally Posted by monumentus;41900766[B

]It sounds like she has been very mature and supportive in helping her partner get his business of the ground and become established.[/b] Now it is time for HIM to be supportive in return.

Originally Posted by monumentus

She supported her husband heavily as he set up a business and got it off the ground to a point it was "Very successful".

[quote=monumentus;41903472]We do not know how or what she has done in those 4 years to support him. At all.

Originally Posted by monumentus

Ah then possibly you merely chose your words poorly because I - and I suspect elnina - read you as meaning exactly what you wrote. Which is that "She hasn't been doing anything for 4 years."

If you merely meant she was not putting anything into the business for 4 years - then that certainly makes more sense. But I would still caution that we do not know this to be true. The OP has not indicated what support - if any - she offered during those 4 years.

You spent A LOT of energy arguing how supportive she has been to her husband getting the business set up and berating others for saying she sounds like a whiny teeanger (which she does) when you yourself jumped to conclusions based on the original post in this thread in which she in no way indicates that she did anything to help him get the business going. Glad you finally realized that.

OP wants to be a dog groomer. I'm guessing she's never groomed a dog if she doesn't realize how tiring that is on the body!

My guess is the hubby had a vision for the food truck, and then when he got it found out it wasn't going to be as easy as he thought and had to adapt accordingly, while the OP wants just wants to play house.

I'm curious what the friends are doing with their lives that they are (implied to be) home and available to hang out while she's at work?

[supergirlygirl]

Hmmm. I can't relate to the OP's torment coz her husband's food truck is actually my dream business too.

And her husband won't hire help coz maybe the business is still not making that big yet to pay for a help.

Pretty sure as soon as the business goes big her husband will have the sense to hire help.

[rego00123]

I would assume the business can't afford to hire help if they do not already have it yet.
That would be the whole reason he is "forcing her" to contribute.


OP could clarify

[Butterflyfish]

Originally Posted by Just A Guy

That's where the money from other job that she will be getting comes into play.

Her husband is working his dream job. That doesn't mean it is her dream job. She has just as much right to work in a job that she finds fulfilling as he does.

I agree. Additionally, an outside job will offer added security of steady income and possibly health benefits that are a challenge for small business owners. I applaud people who are brave enough to take the risks of starting their own business but it can be a huge advantage when one spouse has a steady income apart from the business.

She could also support and help her husband's business in other ways that don't require her to be there in the truck all the time. For example, she can do the ordering of supplies and simple bookkeeping from home, which would make his day shorter, since he won't have to do it himself after he gets home at the end of the day.

OP - Good luck and I wish you lots of continued success.

[lkmax]

Originally Posted by Just A Guy

Forcing your wife to work your personal dream job in your business sounds like a great way to ruin the marriage.

But if you read the OP's posts, she's not whining and crying that she can't get a job as a dog groomer. She said maybe that's what she wants to do one day, but right now she wants to stay home and have a dog and maybe work on starting a family.

She thought she'd be a stay-at-home wife -- presumably hanging out with friends and playing with the dog now, and then maybe having a baby later -- and now she feels like she's been lied to because her husband wants her to help him out with his business.

Maybe the guy wants to get the food truck going so that she CAN do the stay-at-home thing, but maybe he needs help right now.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by Sparkledove

I have been married since March 2015 and my husband has a food truck. It's pretty much been his dream to have one and he spent 4 years working in food places and learning how to do it so he could get his own truck. This was his first year having the truck and its been cool because we put it on twitter and fb, Instagram and over the summer his truck got some attention online and its been successful.

The problem is that he makes me help him and I'm really miserable. I graduated high school last year and I barely see my friends anymore, I just catch up with them online and fb. We start preparing everything EARLY and even after there are no more people and customers we still have to wipe everything down and clean and then there is the ordering the stuff he needs to cook... It's never stop!

Another thing is that at first he was just doing ice cream and when that was over he said it was just seasonal.. Well that was the summer since that's when iuce cream is popular but now he has moved on to actual food and I hate it because I feel like we are in the truck more than we are at home.

I try to stay home but he makes me go because he needs the extra help since the lines can get long. Every time I tell him to hire someone new he gets really annoyed and that starts a fight. But these past few months have not been then happiest I have been soooo depressed and I feel so shut in I just want to take a day off or for us to spend time together not on the truck. We didn't even do a honeymoon because at that time the truck was getting painted and he wanted to stick around and see it getting done in person.

Plus working on it all day just makes me tired. I try to talk to him about it but he gets mad when I do. I just need advice on what to say plus how to work on our relationship. Thanks

OP, how long did you know this guy before marrying him? It sounds like you two didn't have much of a chance to date and enjoy each other's company. Why did you marry him right out of HS, instead of continuing to date him? What about weekends, or whatever days he's scheduled for a day off, what do you two do then? Did you have any idea what marriage would be like before you took that huge life-changing step? It doesn't sound like it. Marriage generally isn't about hanging out with your friends.

[mochamajesty]

Originally Posted by aliwalas

Very true.

Or, she can leave him now so she can have more time with her friends and marry a rich guy. With a rich guy, she doesn't have to wake up at 4am to do work and instead, focus on popping babies without having to know how much it actually costs to have one.

She doesn't want to be up so early and do so much, what does she think having a baby entails?

Yeah, the OP is still a child.

I also think she pulled dog groomer/animal shelter employee out of her behind. She does realize that at an animal shelter she would be required to euthanize animals. Plus, a position at an animal shelter is a City job, and those are competitive.

It's not playing with cute, furry dogs all day. You are dealing with sick animals too.

Originally Posted by supergirlygirl

Hmmm. I can't relate to the OP's torment coz her husband's food truck is actually my dream business too.

And her husband won't hire help coz maybe the business is still not making that big yet to pay for a help.

Pretty sure as soon as the business goes big her husband will have the sense to hire help.

Then you marry him.

The OP does not want to work there. I wouldn't either, but then again I have skills to bring in other income. The OP does not. And I honestly do not think that she wants to acquire any.

[monumentus]

Originally Posted by Sparkledove

We get into fights and all he does is tell me what to do. I try to just do what he says but I miss my friends I never get to see them I literally don't. And they got me through really hard and bad times so I miss them. I'm not lazy but I wasn't planning on working BC I thought we were going to focus on starting a family and he acted Like he wanted the same things. I actually eventually want to be a dog groomer or work at an animal shelter.

Then this validates everything I have been saying in the thread so far. It sounds like - despite the personal attacks and fantasy nonsense people have been making up at some length on the thread - that you have been very mature and supportive helping this man get his business dream from concept - through start up - to being successful.

At this point simply dropping that support and going your own way sounds unviable. But what HE has to realise is that you need to open communication on the subject of giving you an exit strategy to start doing with YOUR life what YOU want from it too. This will be discussiong on how to slowly scale back your hours and input in ways that A) Support him where he needs it most and B) Supports you where you need the time most to get YOUR dreams under way.

If he refuses this discussion - through rages and fights and so forth - then this is not a good thing and not a healthy thing. And you would be perfectly warranted at THAT stage to get tougher and put the foot down harder.

Originally Posted by Mikala43

I meant what I said.

Then all I can do is repeat the question I asked before but you did not answer. How do you get from "I graduated high school last year" to "She hasn't been doing anything for 4 years"? Clearly she was doing THAT for a start.

Originally Posted by oceangaia

I would be frustrated from someone that was helping but whining about it the whole time and trying to QUIT helping.

Yet that does not appear to be an accurate description of what the OP has been doing. Especially since the second post has clarified even more the exact opposite. So once again your frustration might be warranted in the situation in your head - but the real one the OP is describing does not fit.

Originally Posted by oceangaia

which I bet is based on seeing

And once again we are back to people making things up that are not in the OPs posts - just to fit their own narratives. Once again I mean only to comment on what the OP has told us - not what you have simply made up and are "betting".

Originally Posted by aliwalas

And YOU are assuming that she is putting her life on hold for him, when she never stated any plans for herself, at all.

How is me pointing out we do not know either way - assuming anything? I have assumed nothing - but merely highlighted other peoples assumptions. Especially those egregious assumptions that were the exact opposite of what the OP actually said.

Originally Posted by aliwalas

You are assuming that she has better things or more productive things to do at home than what we all assume that she just wants to be lazy.

Once again no - there is no such assumption in my posts at all - you are on a spree of making things up now. Once again - my position is that we did not know either way what she wants to do or what she is doing with her free time at home.

Not only am I not assuming it - it is right there in Black and White in the text you quoted from me and then pretended to reply to. I shall help you along by repeating it so you can see how false your accusation of assumptions on my part actually is. I will even highlight some of it to help your comprehension further: " It really depends on what she is doing when she is at home - and what she is hoping to do long term. None of which is information we have. "

So no. No assumptions on my part at all. Just yours.

Originally Posted by MissClutterbuck

Why did you get married so, so young???

I am still unsure why this is relevant? The issues the OP actually brings up and describes would likely be the exact same were they living together unmarried.

Originally Posted by Ro2113

For all of the people saying he can just hire someone else, have any of you thought that maybe hiring someone else isn't in the budget right now?

A few of us - myself included - have questioned that yes. The problem is that when the OP brings it up with him - he gets angry and fights with her. That is not helpful - and that is not mature. IF he simply can not afford this option then rage will not inform her of this. He needs to sit down with her - both of them pouring over their profit and loss accounts - and see TOGETHER whether hiring someone for part of the time or all of the time is viable.

But until he stops shutting down the conversation with tantrums and rages - this is not likely to get resolved.

Originally Posted by 49ersfan27

Work is part of living and everyone has to do it. Welcome to being an adult.

That does not appear to have ANYTHING to do with the OPs issues.

Originally Posted by April R

It's a perfect way to approach any conflict resolution. Have a solution in mind, calmly present the issue in the framework of compromise, use the proposed solution as a starting off point to work out a mutually satisfactory conclusion. It's not archaic at all, it's brilliant. You are absolutely right reds37win!

Explained THAT way he is right yes - having a solution in mind when you bring problems IS perfect.

But that is NOT what the user described it as. The user said you should NEVER present a problem UNLESS you have a solution to propose too. And that is archaic and horrifically bad thinking.

Two very different pieces of advice there. YOUR one is pretty good. The ORIGINAL one - not good at all.

Originally Posted by lkmax

Yeah, I get the impression that the OP wants to hang out with friends and play with animals all day.

Yet nothing the OP has said supports that impression. She lamented that she does not get to see her friends AT ALL. That is no where NEAR saying she wants to hang out with them all day.

Hell forget her friends - in the OP she expressed the desire to see her husband just one day. Not many days. Not multiple days every week. Just ONE day. And that is heart breaking. Imagine living in a relationship that is on hold to that degree - that you pine for just one day with your own married partner!!!

Oh the privilege many of us have to work a 5 day week and have weekends to spends with our loved ones - while this poor OP (and her husband too maybe) pine for having just one single day off together. And from that you manage to decide she "just wants to hang out with friends all day"??? Wow. Just wow. Where do you people GET this stuff I wonder. I couldn't make it up.

Originally Posted by NWGirl74

You spent A LOT of energy arguing how supportive she has been to her husband getting the business set up and berating others for saying she sounds like a whiny teeanger (which she does) when you yourself jumped to conclusions based on the original post in this thread

I have been jumping to no conclusions at all. The support I am talking about is NOT the 4 years - we know nothing about that - but all the work she has done IN the van which we do know about - because she told us about it. And DUE to that support her entire life - career, social and marital - have essentially been put on hold.

THOSE are the things I refer to when I wrote "She supported her husband heavily as he set up a business and got it off the ground to a point it was "Very successful"." so be all means tell me what conclusions I have falsely been jumping to there???? All I have done is comment on _exactly what the OP has told us_. So take your assumption bashing to the people who have been wantonly making stuff up or - in the case of some - pretending the OP said the EXACT opposite of what she actually did say.