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a) the person I described would be less likely, if at all, to approach strange women in public situations.
If a person never really tried meeting women offline, or if they tried, failed, and gave up, then they can't rightly say that online gets better results than offline.
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Originally Posted by Hivemind31
b) you'll notice I said "awkward" too. Obviously, this is up to interpretation, but I'm not talking about the "aww shucks, I don't know what to say" awkward. I'm talking about "accidentally offends people" and related kinds of awkward.
Offending people is not a big deal. If offending people is an obstacle to approaching women offline, then that goes back to Point A - they never really tried it in the first place.
A lot of these guys will do and say anything to avoid this type of risk, up and to the extent of claiming it is impossible. It doesn't mean it is impossible, it just means they've given up.
And if he doesn't say it, he must not be thinking it.
You're not narrowing your dating pool. There are more women offline than online, especially once you've adjusted for women who will actually use it for the intended purpose.
The simple fact is : the low quantity and quality of women online means that it will never be as effective as approaching them in person, no how many sappy men show up with their sincere beliefs that sweet little Suzy from OKCupid was the best they could do.
You are narrowing your dating pool by discounting a major venue for meeting women, and relying on the handful of venues you frequent to find a coincidental match. And what about the bars in the next neighborhood over, or the girls who don't go out to bars often? Do I want to focus on my gym and not the thousands of women who go to other gyms, or don't go to gyms at all? What if I want to, say, filter my search down to a woman who loves to travel, collects art, and studies foreign languages, instead of wasting time finding out the hot chick at the bar I've been chatting up is really a boring provincial homebody?
I'm really not understanding how, simply by virtue of the fact that our paths crossed online, somehow it's about settling.
He got what he wanted in a partner and so did I.
What a man wants in a partner is colored by the options he has available.
Otherwise we'd all want supermodels and never settle for anything else.
In reality, everyone goes through a process of settling. Online dating just filters that "settling" process through a lens of an internet service with disproportionately unattractive and hostile women.
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It's not a question, for us, about "doing better offline"
And it is totally normal and healthy to not-ask that question. Hell it might be advisable to not-ask that question. If I was in his shoes I wouldn't ask it.
You are narrowing your dating pool by discounting a major venue for meeting women, and relying on the handful of venues you frequent to find a coincidental match.
In the context of attractive women, online dating is not a "major venue," it is an obscure, questionable backwater.
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And what about the bars in the next neighborhood over, or the girls who don't go out to bars often? Do I want to focus on my gym and not the thousands of women who go to other gyms, or don't go to gyms at all?
You're ignoring the inherent shift in dynamics that occurs when you go online.
Online is not like "all the gyms combined."
It is like all the gyms combined, minus most of the women you'd want to date, plus about 10,000 extra guys pumping out message after message.
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What if I want to, say, filter my search down to a woman who loves to travel, collects art, and studies foreign languages, instead of wasting time finding out the hot chick at the bar I've been chatting up is really a boring provincial homebody?
You're confusing the potential of online dating (catalog of women to pick through) with the reality of online dating (you're limited to whomever responds).
In reality, everyone goes through a process of settling. Online dating just filters that "settling" process through a lens of an internet service with disproportionately unattractive and hostile women.
I don't think that anyone has ever suggested that OLD didn't require some weeding through what might be undesirable. Though, I do think that to suggest that simply by virtue of the fact that someone finds their partner online they are settling for less than they could otherwise get is pretty much idiotic.
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Originally Posted by le roi
And it is totally normal and healthy to not-ask that question. Hell it might be advisable to not-ask that question. If I was in his shoes I wouldn't ask it.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,087,829 times
Reputation: 40635
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Originally Posted by le roi
So you're saying you would not want to date an extremely attractive woman.
(otherwise, you didn't understand what i said.)
Of course I want to date someone I'm extremely attracted to.
And that is not what your post said. If that is what you meant, you should have written that.
Of course, I don't date women I'm not attracted to, so there is no issue at all. If I'm not attracted to them, I don't date them. It has nothing to do with options.
I don't think that anyone has ever suggested that OLD didn't require some weeding through what might be undesirable.
"weeding through what might be undesirable" is probably an accurate characterization of online dating for average women.
for average men it is "engage communication with anyone halfway appealing", and see what comes back.
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Though, I do think that to suggest that simply by virtue of the fact that someone finds their partner online they are settling for less than they could otherwise get is pretty much idiotic.
Again, I understand that feelings may be hurt here.
Of course I want to date someone I'm extremely attracted to.
And that is not what your post said. If that is what you meant, you should have written that.
Of course, I don't date women I'm not attracted to, so there is no issue at all. If I'm not attracted to them, I don't date them. It has nothing to do with options.
Yeah I don't think you understood what I said.
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