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So, I'm turning 30 this week. The past decade has been a whirlwind, but I came out the other side stronger, smarter, and much happier overall with my life than I started it. I was very fortunate to be able to set aside some money, get a cute little place of my own, and find the love of my life all within the last year alone.
The thing is, rather than "starting to think seriously about having a kid" like so many claim that all women uniformly will get into the mindframe of around the age of 30, I have only become more certain that having kids is not for me.
And it's not that I'm not nurturing. Actually, I'm VERY nurturing. It's just that I don't want to nurture a baby, or a kid. I want to nurture my boyfriend.
I want to dote on my boyfriend every night. I want to feed... my boyfriend. I want every evening when I come home to be centred around him and us and giving him massages and doing stuff together and not a third party which feels very intrusive and which I would most likely resent for cutting into our time together.
When I set goals for myself and look at sort of "the 5-year-plan," I'm gradually working towards goals like retirement fund, getting and decorating a nice place for the two of us, etc. but there is never any thought of a kid.
I guess I just wonder why the assumption is that if you are an affectionate person who likes to care for others that means that you're definitely going to want a kid?
I also plan to give plenty of love and nightly affection to my boyfriend as we build our lives together so why do I feel guilty like I am potentially denying him something when I'll be giving him lots? Have I swallowed the Kool-Aid to think that all men secretly want to be fathers?
There's nothing wrong with the way you feel, but make sure your boyfriend feels the same way.
Plenty of men don't want kids, but you have to find out what your man wants.
I think that there isn't anything wrong with how you feel, If not wanting kids is your thing, than it's your thang. Nurturing doesn't just mean toward children, it could mean toward your spouse as you've indicated.
I never wanted kids either, so I get how you're feeling, I'm a good bit older than you but again, I understand how you feel. There's a lot of societal pressure to have kids, and from family and friends as well. Luckily I made it known early on that kids wasn't in the cards and my mom and my dad both were really great about it and never pressured me once, and that is odd, I'd figure at least one time I'd got some pressure but they both were really good about it. Hopefully your family is supportive of your decision to not have children.
I find it admirable that people know what they want and stay on course. I really don't mind children, I find them to be amazing in some ways and as I get older I like them even more, I just knew raising kids wasn't for me and thankfully I stayed the course instead of just going with the status quo and doing what you're "supposed" to do.
Best of luck to you and hope you and the BF have good times together. Put that nurturing nature you have and take care of each other.
I'm the same way and no, there's nothing wrong with it. At one point I would have had a child with my ex, but that didn't shake out and I really don't feel like I've lost out on anything at all.
Be strong in your convictions. If you really feel that way, you don't need the permission of society or strangers on the Internet.
So, I'm turning 30 this week. The past decade has been a whirlwind, but I came out the other side stronger, smarter, and much happier overall with my life than I started it. I was very fortunate to be able to set aside some money, get a cute little place of my own, and find the love of my life all within the last year alone.
The thing is, rather than "starting to think seriously about having a kid" like so many claim that all women uniformly will get into the mindframe of around the age of 30, I have only become more certain that having kids is not for me.
And it's not that I'm not nurturing. Actually, I'm VERY nurturing. It's just that I don't want to nurture a baby, or a kid. I want to nurture my boyfriend.
I want to dote on my boyfriend every night. I want to feed... my boyfriend. I want every evening when I come home to be centred around him and us and giving him massages and doing stuff together and not a third party which feels very intrusive and which I would most likely resent for cutting into our time together.
When I set goals for myself and look at sort of "the 5-year-plan," I'm gradually working towards goals like retirement fund, getting and decorating a nice place for the two of us, etc. but there is never any thought of a kid.
I guess I just wonder why the assumption is that if you are an affectionate person who likes to care for others that means that you're definitely going to want a kid?
I also plan to give plenty of love and nightly affection to my boyfriend as we build our lives together so why do I feel guilty like I am potentially denying him something when I'll be giving him lots? Have I swallowed the Kool-Aid to think that all men secretly want to be fathers?
I'm the same I'm a hugely affectionate and caring bloke and am particularly great with kids ( got 5 God children ) but at 31 I've got no desire to have any of my own at the moment.
I can see me being a dad but if it doesn't happen then so be it. I agree with Stan though as long as your fella knows of your feelings on the matter then there's nothing wrong on your part
Happy birthday and say hello to your 30s like I did........... 🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾
So, I'm turning 30 this week. The past decade has been a whirlwind, but I came out the other side stronger, smarter, and much happier overall with my life than I started it. I was very fortunate to be able to set aside some money, get a cute little place of my own, and find the love of my life all within the last year alone.
The thing is, rather than "starting to think seriously about having a kid" like so many claim that all women uniformly will get into the mindframe of around the age of 30, I have only become more certain that having kids is not for me.
And it's not that I'm not nurturing. Actually, I'm VERY nurturing. It's just that I don't want to nurture a baby, or a kid. I want to nurture my boyfriend.
I want to dote on my boyfriend every night. I want to feed... my boyfriend. I want every evening when I come home to be centred around him and us and giving him massages and doing stuff together and not a third party which feels very intrusive and which I would most likely resent for cutting into our time together.
When I set goals for myself and look at sort of "the 5-year-plan," I'm gradually working towards goals like retirement fund, getting and decorating a nice place for the two of us, etc. but there is never any thought of a kid.
I guess I just wonder why the assumption is that if you are an affectionate person who likes to care for others that means that you're definitely going to want a kid?
I also plan to give plenty of love and nightly affection to my boyfriend as we build our lives together so why do I feel guilty like I am potentially denying him something when I'll be giving him lots? Have I swallowed the Kool-Aid to think that all men secretly want to be fathers?
Yikes. I gotta tell ya, that sounds scary. I hope the two of you are on the absolutely same page about this. I know I am a different sort than most, but what you wrote sounds like a recipe for splitsville, unless you are both exactly alike. But if you are, then more power to you sweetie. Kids are not necessary to find happiness in life - that is for sure.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,033,395 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
Yikes. I gotta tell ya, that sounds scary. I hope the two of you are on the absolutely same page about this. I know I am a different sort than most, but what you wrote sounds like a recipe for splitsville, unless you are both exactly alike. But if you are, then more power to you sweetie. Kids are not necessary to find happiness in life - that is for sure.
Agreed. I was recently dating someone like this. I thought there was potential but she became very motherly. Instant boner killer and really damn annoying. It was the end of it.
If you have a big family background, it feels wrong to not want to have kids. A lot of people, if not all, of your family member will say things like, "When you find a man, you'll think otherwise." Well, at least that's what I get a lot lol. I'm married now and I still don't have that nurturing urge. My husband knows this. My mind might change and husband is good either way. Whatever you decide, make sure the man you're with is ok with this.
It's ok to not want to have kids and if you change your mind, it's ok too. Just make sure whoever you're with is on the same page and is open to a change of mind if it happens.
Yikes. I gotta tell ya, that sounds scary. I hope the two of you are on the absolutely same page about this. I know I am a different sort than most, but what you wrote sounds like a recipe for splitsville, unless you are both exactly alike. But if you are, then more power to you sweetie. Kids are not necessary to find happiness in life - that is for sure.
He likes nightly massages, BJ's, lots of cuddles... we are both equally affectionate people and even a little clingy as long as we're in the same room, yeah. Although we give each other space to do things apart.
I don't know that he minds the intrusion into our privacy as much I mean I know he doesn't mind pets but pets and a kid are not the same thing.
Agreed. I was recently dating someone like this. I thought there was potential but she became very motherly. Instant boner killer and really damn annoying. It was the end of it.
Yeah, I've definitely dated guys who weren't into merging to the same degree, they needed a lot of space and didn't seem to want to be cuddling all the time when we would watch TV together and stuff.... but that's why they're my exes, and I call my current sweetie "the love of my life."
Not everyone is the same, that's the beauty of finding your match.
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