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But why do you think it's someone's responsibility to police their tone if they're talking about something they genuinely have a distaste for?
I mean, I hate raw tomatoes, so if I'm talking to my friends about raw tomatoes, they're not expecting me to say how "lovely" raw tomatoes are when in someone else's salad.
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Originally Posted by torontocheeka
Sorry? I said that the word was viewed as neutral by me. Could you please explain how you go from my asking how or why it's my responsibility to apologize a million times over for your interpretation of a word, to me saying that I deliberately offended you because I hate people who have kids?
Do you have a literacy issue I should be aware of?
lol for days. It is neutral in the same way the R word is neutral. It is meant as a slight against those who have or want to have children.
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maybe because childfree people generally don't mind using it, or hearing it.
Keyword: child-free. And likely because it's not a slight against child-free. Why would such a loaded term affect the child-free demographic when it isn't directed at them? Of course those who use the term do so freely, unaware of the message it sends, when it doesn't affect or isn't a slight against them.
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I will try and be conscious that mothers... may not feel the same way.
Yeah, you'll be hard-pressed to find a parent who relates to the term "breed."
I posted a thread title in terms I would use if talking to a friend. I did not sit there and nitpick every little word and detail because I didn't think anybody else would either. I expected actual advice.
My friends, I'm quite certain, would not have a problem with the use of the term. Even if they did, they probably wouldn't say anything because they would know that not being the biggest fan of childbearing myself, it just never occurred to me to be hypersensitive to referring to it in the most reverent terms possible.
No, I don't see the distinction with the raw tomato analogy. If I don't like something, I don't like it. I'm sorry if that came across in a harsh way to you, but again, it's not my responsibility to spend 5 whole pages apologizing to you repeatedly for the way you chose to interpret something.
I posted a thread title in terms I would use if talking to a friend. I did not sit there and nitpick every little word and detail because I didn't think anybody else would either. I expected actual advice.
My friends, I'm quite certain, would not have a problem with the use of the term. Even if they did, they probably wouldn't say anything because they would know that not being the biggest fan of childbearing myself, it just never occurred to me to be hypersensitive to referring to it in the most reverent terms possible.
No, I don't see the distinction with the raw tomato analogy. If I don't like something, I don't like it. I'm sorry if that came across in a harsh way to you, but again, it's not my responsibility to spend 5 whole pages apologizing to you repeatedly for the way you chose to interpret something.
Do you have me confused for someone else?
Anyway, like I said in my first (of very few) posts in this thread - I've never heard anyone say that someone needs to become a parent because they have a nurturing personality. But I also don't think that doting on a boyfriend is necessarily nurturing, to be honest. And lastly, I don't think that anyone should have children if they don't want to.
Yeah, you'll be hard-pressed to find a parent who relates to the term "breed."
OK, and that may be reflective of the fact that I only have one friend who is a parent. So because no objection has ever been voiced when I've talked about not wanting kids among my friends who either feel the same way or know that they are unlikely to have children so don't have an opinion either way, to me and in my circle, it has always been a neutral term.
I've already stated that I am now aware that it may not be for actual mothers. I'm not sure what else you ladies want from me, blood?
It seems like a neutral term to me, maybe because childfree people generally don't mind using it, or hearing it. I will try and be conscious that mothers... may not feel the same way.
Right. And so when I see him 3 nights a week, that is what the other 4 nights are for. And of course we'll often hang out with groups of friends as well since we are both social people and our friends all get along and like us together.
I really don't see how not wanting a child in the middle of our home and private time together = no independent interests. But okay.
It was about the way you described how you wanted to give your bf all your attention, pamper him, etc. It wasn't clear whether you saw this as a way of life, or if this was the result of the thrill of being in a relationship, which is something that mellows out over time.
I don't see where you've responded to questions about whether your bf agrees with your preference to not have kids. Suddenly, it's hard to tell if you're here for advice, or if you joined in order to bicker with people. The thread is starting to sound like the latter case.
I'm almost 40 and very nurturing. And I even love kids and my friends' kids get weirdly attached to me (still trying to figure that out). But I decided that kids of my own weren't really what I wanted in life. I grew up thinking I wanted to have a ton of children, but sometime in my 30s, I kind of realized that I was very happy with my life the way it is. But I also really like being single, so go figure.
I have very high standards for what I find to be acceptable parenting. Many of my friends raise their children according to those standards and they have amazing and lovely children. But it's a lot of work and I don't have a partner to help me raise a kid. And I'm certainly not going to settle for a subpar relationship in order to have a child (which is what my mother did).
I will also add that even though I am happy being single, the childless couples I have known have been among the happiest and most devoted to each other.
I posted a thread title in terms I would use if talking to a friend. I did not sit there and nitpick every little word and detail because I didn't think anybody else would either. I expected actual advice.
My friends, I'm quite certain, would not have a problem with the use of the term. Even if they did, they probably wouldn't say anything because they would know that not being the biggest fan of childbearing myself, it just never occurred to me to be hypersensitive to referring to it in the most reverent terms possible.
No, I don't see the distinction with the raw tomato analogy. If I don't like something, I don't like it. I'm sorry if that came across in a harsh way to you, but again, it's not my responsibility to spend 5 whole pages apologizing to you repeatedly for the way you chose to interpret something.
Choosing to remain child free is 100% your choice. Being a parent is 100% my choice. I respect your choice. Your choice of words lent doubt as to whether you respect mine.
If you're not yet comprehending, you accidentally used a word that is the go to term used by people who are smug and dismissive toward people who have children. People whose claim that they are mistreated for their choice rings about as true as the claim that there's a "war on Christmas". Being unaware of "breeders" connotations rings about as true as being unaware that referring to human women as females is the go to word of men who aren't so nice.
If you didn't know it was a poor choice of words, you do now.
It was about the way you described how you wanted to give your bf all your attention, pamper him, etc. It wasn't clear whether you saw this as a way of life, or if this was the result of the thrill of being in a relationship, which is something that mellows out over time.
I don't see where you've responded to questions about whether your bf agrees with your preference to not have kids. Suddenly, it's hard to tell if you're here for advice, or if you joined in order to bicker with people. The thread is starting to sound like the latter case.
So often it happens here that the profile name will set off my antennae, and then the way they describe their "dilemmas" they're asking for help with, and then, by the end of the thread, voila, the agenda is made known.
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