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I'm 32 and am constantly asked about having kids. It's like every family gathering, if not my aunts, it'll be my younger cousins. My younger cousins had shot gun weddings, popped out babies at 20 and 22 and so now they feel like since the kids are having kids, I should be having some too.
I hear it at home, at church...it's everywhere! Sometimes I think it's just me (my culture). I'm Filipino. But my Russian co-worker who's 28 also complains about being asked about it a lot. Even this one lady I met for the first time, as the conversation got going, of course, baby question came about.
I think women who doesn't get nagged like this are very lucky lol.
It's not just women,
Most of my friends are older and are married, morgage, kids etc and they get on my back and nag " oh when are you gonna settle down and start a family " .
I know they mean well but it does wind me up a bit as apparently it's " the done thing ".
Never heard of it from parents or relatives either. My family never asks me about my dating/personal life, never has. They ask me about my job, travel, education, where I might buy a place, etc.
Same here
When ever I meet a new lady or am going out with one my mum usually makes a joke " well I hope this one settles you down a bit ", which is all in jest.
But I'm lucky and glad they don't get on my back about it.
Indeed. A lot of this reads very... clingy-honeymoon stage-do-all-the-doting-stuffs... for now at least. I don't describe my affectionate nature with my husband as "nurturing." I can nurture the relationship, yes, but am not "nurturing." We are very affectionate, cuddly... physical touch is our primary love language, and having kids hasn't changed that.
Nothing wrong with being child-free, but I think it's wise to examine the whys and whether it's due to wanting to "mother" one's partner -- kids would get in the way of this if one's partner is receiving this motherly nurturing. I don't find this particularly healthy unless this is a form of kink.
Do you find it equally necessary to examine the whys of having a kid?
Most of my friends are older and are married, morgage, kids etc and they get on my back and nag " oh when are you gonna settle down and start a family " .
I know they mean well but it does wind me up a bit as apparently it's " the done thing ".
See, that's another thing. I do have a few friends in their late 30's, and all are childless, I wouldn't necessarily call them childfree.... I think most are open to the idea.
It'll be interesting to see how the landscape changes 10 years from now with my friends who are the same age as I am.
Absolutely. I think any major decision or plans that can affect the dynamic of one's life can greatly benefit from critical examination.
I think one should always examine the reasons to HAVE a child, since that is the decision that affects another living being as well as impacts the planet.
The reasons I have seen (family legacy, wanting to have a little version of yourself to socialize, someone to look after you when you're old, because the government will give you money to do it, to make my mom stop nagging me, to add to the tax base and become cannon fodder for national wars, religious expectation, because of ethnocentricity, etc.) were not adequate reasons, to me, to burden another human being with all of the stresses, as well as small triumphs, that being brought into the world entails.
I also feel it's irresponsible for most people to have children unless you are well-off enough to ensure they have the best possible start in life since life is hard enough even in the best circumstances. I am in no way well-off.
If I don't have children, I harm no one. To me, that is the more responsible route to take. That's me though, if you can't relate in any way then I'm not really sure why you would feel the need to voice your input.
Last edited by torontocheeka; 02-09-2016 at 10:34 AM..
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