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It has nothing to do with childbearing. Sometimes women simply get tired of the hassle of relationships, and come to the realization that they're MUCH happier coming home to their comfy pajamas, TV, bubble bath and bed all to themselves at the time of their choosing than to the expectations, demands, desires and inconveniences of another person. You come home from a long day at work and the last thing you feel like dealing with is another person.
When you feel like that, you lose interest in dating. It's not about sperm and eggs. It's about preferences in lifestyle.
I think this is very true. I am finding that the older I get the less patience I have for nonsense. And it seems like all I attract is nonsense, so yes I would rather just hand out in my pjs, with my kids and pets.
from my observations humans seem to slow down and lose interest in dating / mating after child bearing age or men over 50?
it reminds me of how other mammals behave when they are at the peak of their breeding age and when they complete their cycle?
kind of like when the Salmon fight to go upstream to fertilize the eggs, then when they complete their mission they die or never return to the sea.
or during Springtime when the birds go crazy trying to find a mate and build a nest.
when women have children they have a different attitude, they seem to feel they completed their mission in life and the feeling of finding love and relationships seems to die down, not the same as when they were young, plus the males tend to lose interest the older the women gets.
Have you seen the dating sites in the 50+ category? They're nearly all women, and lots of them. If you were going only by that as an indicator, you'd conclude it's men who lose interest in dating after their T declines. Nursing home workers report that's not the case. There's plenty of action going on at those places.
I think people need to view human behavior less from a perspective of theory, and more from reality. People spend too much time in their heads about this stuff. You're equating humans to animals, but for humans, companionship is a motivating value. You're missing the human element, OP.
...Sometimes women simply get tired of the hassle of relationships, and come to the realization that they're MUCH happier coming home to their comfy pajamas, TV, bubble bath and bed all to themselves at the time of their choosing than to the expectations, demands, desires and inconveniences of another person. ...
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Originally Posted by JasperJade
...Even those who would like companionship often take the angle of "I'd like a man in my life, not my house."
I don't know that as many men feel the same way, as it's my experience that the older men get, the more they do want a partner.
My emerging supposition is that nature expects for women to outlive men. The difference in life-expectancy is not a modern phenomenon, and if anything, our hunting/warring prehistoric ancestors had an even greater imbalance in gender mortality. Women's greatest mortal threat was childbirth, and presumably once the child-bearing years concluded, the longevity-balance tilted greatly in favor of women. This suggests that there's evolutionary advantage for women to develop a solitary resiliency later in life, perhaps relying on the tribe or extended kin-group for companionship. For men there's no such evolutionary advantage. This might explain, at least partially, why older men are so adamant about finding a female partner, while their female counterparts are decidedly cooler to the prospect.
What flusters me in particular, is that whereas younger women - at the "family formation" stage of life - might be impressed by a man as a provider, older women couldn't care less. A destitute and shiftless man is attractive to no one, but having this-or-that trapping of material life just doesn't carry much cachet anymore. Have an advanced degree? You're probably just a stuffy and pompous pretender, or a boring workaholic. Got investments? Good for you, dude - now go hug your personal financial advisor.
What flusters me in particular, is that whereas younger women - at the "family formation" stage of life - might be impressed by a man as a provider, older women couldn't care less. A destitute and shiftless man is attractive to no one, but having this-or-that trapping of material life just doesn't carry much cachet anymore. Have an advanced degree? You're probably just a stuffy and pompous pretender, or a boring workaholic. Got investments? Good for you, dude - now go hug your personal financial advisor.
That goes back to what I said on another thread about men's changing role in the new world order of dating. Even with younger women, it's now more about who you are than what you can provide. Are you witty? Supportive (emotionally, not financially)? Kind? Generous with your time and affection? Stable? Strong? Do you have common values and goals? Are you fun to be around? Are you loyal, honest, a stand-up kind of man? It's really more about whether your personalities mesh than anything material.
What flusters me in particular, is that whereas younger women - at the "family formation" stage of life - might be impressed by a man as a provider, older women couldn't care less. A destitute and shiftless man is attractive to no one, but having this-or-that trapping of material life just doesn't carry much cachet anymore. Have an advanced degree? You're probably just a stuffy and pompous pretender, or a boring workaholic. Got investments? Good for you, dude - now go hug your personal financial advisor.
Well then...have a personality.
It always kind of blows my head when I hear guys say they don't have any aces in the hole left or a way for women to "have to" go to them (which you didn't outright state, but that's how it's reading at least to me). "Do X, Y and Z and you'll have a woman and sex." That doesn't necessarily happen any more and that's a bad thing? Not for the woman. More independence and more education of our own (outnumbering males right now, actually, or at least I think it is, at the college level) means we can actually be with a specific man because we like him.
Quelle horreur!
Not picking on you, OP, it's just that your post brought this to mind to me. There was another guy just yesterday or maybe the day before saying he wished women "needed" mean and trying to convince everyone that a woman actually choosing based on liking/loving the man leads to "wantonness" or what-have-you...I just don't get why some men think of women as machines with certain specific buttons to push in order to receive the reward (sex) and when we don't operate that way, these dudes seem to fall apart a little. Just don't get that.
As for those last four sentences, I'm sorry, but...balderdash. We women will note such things and probably have the same things and it's all good, so...??? No snotty "go hug your personal financial advisor," not sure where you're hearing stuff like that or from which women. Nor the part about stuffy, pompous pretender...especially many many women peruse exactly that. So, again...not sure where you're hearing this from, or whether you're just imagining that's how women feel?
My emerging supposition is that nature expects for women to outlive men. The difference in life-expectancy is not a modern phenomenon, and if anything, our hunting/warring prehistoric ancestors had an even greater imbalance in gender mortality. Women's greatest mortal threat was childbirth, and presumably once the child-bearing years concluded, the longevity-balance tilted greatly in favor of women. This suggests that there's evolutionary advantage for women to develop a solitary resiliency later in life, perhaps relying on the tribe or extended kin-group for companionship. For men there's no such evolutionary advantage. This might explain, at least partially, why older men are so adamant about finding a female partner, while their female counterparts are decidedly cooler to the prospect.
What flusters me in particular, is that whereas younger women - at the "family formation" stage of life - might be impressed by a man as a provider, older women couldn't care less. A destitute and shiftless man is attractive to no one, but having this-or-that trapping of material life just doesn't carry much cachet anymore. Have an advanced degree? You're probably just a stuffy and pompous pretender, or a boring workaholic. Got investments? Good for you, dude - now go hug your personal financial advisor.
oooohhhh....I thought that the menfolk were out hunting in the wild and getting hurt doing that while women were at home dying while giving birth? It's a good thing men and women don't have any brains with which to overcome all these biological and evolutionary urges. Free will - for both men and women!
What flusters me in particular, is that whereas younger women - at the "family formation" stage of life - might be impressed by a man as a provider, older women couldn't care less. A destitute and shiftless man is attractive to no one, but having this-or-that trapping of material life just doesn't carry much cachet anymore. Have an advanced degree? You're probably just a stuffy and pompous pretender, or a boring workaholic. Got investments? Good for you, dude - now go hug your personal financial advisor.
Sounds like you're ticked that somehow the "rules" were changed on you midstream...that you did what worked and now it ain't workin' so well? So? If you want to be really crass you can say that women with looks can use that in their 20's and 30's but that'll fail them later so what do THEY have? Life is about adjusting to what you're handed and there is no set formula.
Not picking on you, OP, it's just that your post brought this to mind to me. There was another guy just yesterday or maybe the day before saying he wished women "needed" mean and trying to convince everyone that a woman actually choosing based on liking/loving the man leads to "wantonness" or what-have-you...I just don't get why some men think of women as machines with certain specific buttons to push in order to receive the reward (sex) and when we don't operate that way, these dudes seem to fall apart a little. Just don't get that.
The issue that you (and most other women and some men) don't seem to get is that men highly value stability (I've heard that women value this, but I have not found that to be even remotely true). Basing a relationship off of feelings is not stable. Feelings change, sometimes, randomly. This is especially true for women who tend to think more with their emotions than intellect.
Signing a contractual agreement based on feelings is absurd, especially when there's no consequences to breaking that contract.
This is why I would only marry a woman that makes more money than I do. In this scenario, she'll have a lot to lose if she suddenly decides to change her mind based on feeling.
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As for those last four sentences, I'm sorry, but...balderdash. We women will note such things and probably have the same things and it's all good, so...??? No snotty "go hug your personal financial advisor," not sure where you're hearing stuff like that or from which women. Nor the part about stuffy, pompous pretender...especially many many women peruse exactly that. So, again...not sure where you're hearing this from, or whether you're just imagining that's how women feel?
A smart man does not listen to a woman's words. He watches her actions.
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More independence and more education of our own (outnumbering males right now, actually, or at least I think it is, at the college level) means we can actually be with a specific man because we like him.
So, again...not sure where you're hearing this from, or whether you're just imagining that's how women feel?
It's a good thing men and women don't have any brains with which to overcome all these biological and evolutionary urges. Free will - for both men and women!
