do most people lose interest in dating after a certain age? (girlfriend, marriage)
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Not in my proverbial neck of the woods. Smoking is rampant, especially amongst the demographic that finds itself dating in middle-age (this is not a gendered statement). So is obesity. There's a small segment of the population that's rabid about fitness, but the vast majority is in woefully bad physical shape. As for the correlation between motherhood and weight, in my admittedly limited experience, the single-moms were actually in better shape than the child-free women (those latter being my primary interest).
I don’t date too many 50-year-olds, but I do date plenty of 45-year-olds. Of those who don't yet have children, many express desire to have them, and bristle indignantly when told that physiologically this would be unwise. And amongst professionals, quite a few had kids in their mid to late 30s. Thus at 45 their kids, or at least the younger of the kids, are still in elementary-school. By 50 they would be in high-school.
The question of sanity deserves its own thread, so here I'll be brief. Of those women whom I got to know sufficiently well, as to have intimate conversations about their personal lives, I'd say that half to two-thirds admitted to being on prescription antidepressants.
The three--smoking, obesity, and depression--are related. My guess is that there are different percentages where people are known to live healthier lifestyles. Just a hunch. Not one of my slim, trim, non-smoking friends in the D.C. area are on any psych meds. That is not to shame or make people with clinical depression feel bad. It can happen to anyone. It's just that exercise is the most underrated antidepressant there is, and the odds of developing depression are lower in people who take good care of themselves. Which comes first--the depression or the lousy habits--is for another forum. But just thought I'd toss this out there. If you're in a fat, unhealthy part of the country, yes, you will probably run into more women on antidepressants, too.
Plus, not for nothing, but perimenopause and menopause can knock a woman for a loop both physically and emotionally. I managed to get through it with only an obnoxiously stubborn 15 new pounds, but some women really pack it on--mainly because they had lousy diets before but were fortunate enough to have metabolisms that at least burned the calories. They eat the same, and boom, 30, 40 pounds is not unheard of.
I was responding to a post that claimed 20-somethings were looking for the Mister Perfect guy and that money had nothing to do with it. If you're 20-something and thinking about reproducing. Money really does matter. Children who grow up in affluent towns with gold-plated school systems surrounded by success-oriented classmates do far better than children attending some war zone failed public school next to the housing project. It's also huge when you hit retirement age. If you haven't accumulated the wealth to retire comfortably, you're eating dog food and sleeping in a cardboard box.
I fully understand the point of this thread. I disagree with it.
I'm 57. I've been divorced twice and it was extremely costly. I have no issue with getting into a long-term relationship. I'm now extremely picky and cautions because I clearly have poor judgement in picking my spouse. Everyone is different. I don't think most 50-somethings have no interest in a long term relationship. They're just not going to disrupt their lives for someone who isn't right.
I hear you. But then there is the fact that more young women than men are in college and more young women than men are entering professions like medicine, so that balances out, as well. Seems the tides are turning in more ways than one.
As for interest in LTR, I'll stand by my experience: Men tend to want them more than women. Really only one of my single girlfriends is hung up on trying to find someone. The rest of us all range from "Had enough of worrying about someone else for one lifetime" to "Meh, if it happens, it happens, but if it doesn't, so what--hey, did you still want to get tickets for the [whoever] show in June? They go on sale Friday." It's all very lackadaisical and fleeting.
This is why, despite the nearly irresistible urge to correct some of the sexist asshats on this board who go on about "sexual market value" and so on, my general attitude is, "Yes, sexists, horndogs, and wanna-be pick-up artists, PLEASE go chase the 25-year-olds. Shoo!"
I'm 46. Married and divorced young. Almost got married a 2nd time in my 30s before realizing I wasn't ready. Since then my dating life has been uneventful. A few hits here and there, but nothing to write home about. For now, I'm happily single and dating is on my low-priority list. That said, I strive to keep my heart open to love in the event the right one walks into my life. When you lose your desire to love, it's time to reevaluate some things. I'm happy to say I'm not at that point. I find that I just don't enjoy the rat race of dating. I never really have. Perhaps that's why I got married young.
I married for the second and last time at 50. I've been on both sides of the fence and back again for more. I completely understand why some people don't want to deal with it again. I didn't.
I thought I was "done" until I met my husband. Then I found myself experiencing a depth of love like I had never experienced before. He makes my life better/fuller/richer in so many ways and sharing my life with him is easy and joyful. It's a beautiful thing with the right person.
Now he has completely ruined me for anyone else so if I ever find myself alone again, I will be "done" for real. You can put a fork in it.
I didn't take offense at the comment about breeding and being done with child- bearing. I feel that for me, personally, it did play a role in how I felt about wanting a partner, or not. When my kids flew the coop, my life entered a new phase; and I still feel a certain "mission accomplished" attitude about it.
It's like "Okay, whew, that took a lot out of me but I did it and now I can die happy". I don't know how healthy or normal that is, but I do feel that way. I'm biologically satisfied. I'm now free of any serious obligations or responsibilities. Sure, I still have goals and purpose; I run a business but really, in the grand scheme of things, it's no big deal to me. The serious work of my life is behind me, I feel. Just enjoying every day as though it is a "bonus day", while my body steadily ages and wears out. If that makes any sense at all. Am I the only one who feels this way?
Last edited by Butterflyfish; 02-22-2016 at 02:27 AM..
I have to agree with most and say age has nothing to do with it. It's about experiences that make a person say I am done with this, no matter what their age is. I had a friend that decided at 30 she was done, and that was six years ago. No dates, no boyfriends. She just does her own thing and takes a vacation twice a year with her girlfriends. I hit that wall myself last year. Right now I am in the if it happens and falls in my lap so be it, but I am not out there trying anymore at all. It just wears on you and it isn't fun anymore, happens to most people no matter how old they are.
... I had a friend that decided at 30 she was done, and that was six years ago. No dates, no boyfriends. She just does her own thing and takes a vacation twice a year with her girlfriends. I hit that wall myself last year. Right now I am in the if it happens and falls in my lap so be it, but I am not out there trying anymore at all. It just wears on you and it isn't fun anymore, happens to most people no matter how old they are.
Society tends to atomize into families. Contrary to the conservative lament, the nuclear family remains the foundational unit of community and society. Monasteries, fraternities, communes, kibbutzim, poly-rings and the like, remain fringe and marginal. Being a society of families, those persons who aren't in families are at a stark disadvantage. Conceivably this disadvantage is bearable, or outweighs an even more unpalatable alternative, such as being coupled with a person to whom one is ill-suited and in whom one takes little interest. But for a person without individualist fervor or iconoclastic bent, the very fact that "family" is the default scheme of social organization, is powerful incentive to find and to retain a partner. This is especially compelling for those of us whose parents have passed away, and who have no siblings or children of our own. I understand and to some extent even admire those who find enough self-contentment to wrap a defining barrier around themselves, keeping the external world at distance of detachment and aloofness. But many of us do not wish to thus find ourselves, and yet, we have no choice in the matter. We are like St. Anthony in the desert, not from spiritual quest or private predilection, but from a paucity of skill, a stunted or unnerved resolve, an unimaginative mind too overwrought by second-guessing and wild speculation. So we concoct alternatives to fact, retreating to a mental construct where we're less assailed by the very same coarseness that we unleash.
I vacillate between frustration and compunction with dating, and renewed assertiveness to persevere. However irksome may be the process, or substantial the risk, the alternative is truly bleak.
Women generally reach their 'peak' around 40 when most men are slowing down sexually.
then in this world, dating in general becomes too much of a hassle. The profiles on OLD for example mostly are 'for show'.
So I think that after sometime, people just lose interest because it becomes too much and it can be stressful. At certain age we shy away from stressful situations.
You come home from a long day at work and the last thing you feel like dealing with is another person.
This for me has been a reason why I have never giving dating a chance and when I finally date why I do not want to live with another person, after I come home from work I need at least a few hours to decompress and have some me time, If I was in a relationship and we lived together I would have to deal with talking to them and interacting when I do not feel like it.
It has nothing to do with childbearing. Sometimes women simply get tired of the hassle of relationships, and come to the realization that they're MUCH happier coming home to their comfy pajamas, TV, bubble bath and bed all to themselves at the time of their choosing than to the expectations, demands, desires and inconveniences of another person. You come home from a long day at work and the last thing you feel like dealing with is another person.
When you feel like that, you lose interest in dating. It's not about sperm and eggs. It's about preferences in lifestyle.
I did the math and figured that I've cooked approximately 15,000 meals in 20 years. If a meteor falls on the man and I find myself single again, I'm done. I'll have an FWB or two and live in a tiny house with everything just how I want it. I'm not interested in interviewing people and auditioning to be someone's new cook and laundress.
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