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It always kind of blows my head when I hear guys say they don't have any aces in the hole left or a way for women to "have to" go to them (which you didn't outright state, but that's how it's reading at least to me). "Do X, Y and Z and you'll have a woman and sex." That doesn't necessarily happen any more and that's a bad thing? Not for the woman. More independence and more education of our own (outnumbering males right now, actually, or at least I think it is, at the college level) means we can actually be with a specific man because we like him.
Quelle horreur!
Not picking on you, OP, it's just that your post brought this to mind to me. There was another guy just yesterday or maybe the day before saying he wished women "needed" mean and trying to convince everyone that a woman actually choosing based on liking/loving the man leads to "wantonness" or what-have-you...I just don't get why some men think of women as machines with certain specific buttons to push in order to receive the reward (sex) and when we don't operate that way, these dudes seem to fall apart a little. Just don't get that.
I don't get it, either. You'd think they'd herald the age of partnership, vs "ball-and-chain" dependency and having to pay for everything. Gawd knows we hear enough complaining about paying for dates on this very forum. Imagine those guys married and having to support a family. Forget it!
So this is largely generational. I don't think we'll hear too many Millennials complain about not feeling needed. They're more likely to complain about what they aren't getting that they feel entitled to: "I'm a nice guy, so why aren't women falling all over me?" They're more likely to want to be rewarded merely for existing, and for that I blame their parents, those pesky Baby Boomer Me-Generation types who helicoptered them and never let them fall on their arses and learn how to lose gracefully.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD
That's great & all but nobody is going to condemn themselves to a life of abject poverty by picking a mate with all those attributes who is incapable of supporting themselves. If you picked that guy, the money stress would eventually nuke the marriage. The ideal guy has all those great attributes and is also affluent.
I think you're missing the point of the thread, which is that after a certain age, for many people it's not about picking a mate or getting married in the first place. If they bother with dating, it's just enjoying someone's company. For one thing, that doesn't require a whole lot of money. For another, all most people "of an age" usually want is just someone who can carry their own weight. That doesn't mean affluence. Just non-dependency.
from my observations humans seem to slow down and lose interest in dating / mating after child bearing age or men over 50?
it reminds me of how other mammals behave when they are at the peak of their breeding age and when they complete their cycle?
kind of like when the Salmon fight to go upstream to fertilize the eggs, then when they complete their mission they die or never return to the sea.
or during Springtime when the birds go crazy trying to find a mate and build a nest.
when women have children they have a different attitude, they seem to feel they completed their mission in life and the feeling of finding love and relationships seems to die down, not the same as when they were young, plus the males tend to lose interest the older the women gets.
I have a male friend who is divorced and who quit dating in his early 50s. So I asked him why.
His criteria:
1. He was looking for women who either had never married or who had been married but did not have kids or want kids.
2. Non smokers.
3. Fit.
4. Sane.
His answer, "they don't exist."
Seems like a simple list. I had a hard time in my 20's finding women that fit that list. We used to joke around that women typically got lumped in to 3 groups. Crazy, money problems, or kids. LOL, wasn't that far off from truth. LOL, I kid around, of course there were women that weren't like that, but man, it got harder and harder to find them. I met Mrs. Chow when I was 23 and she was 28 and she wasn't married or had kids and didn't want them, that was like a unicorn, cause I had a rough time finding a woman that didn't either already have kids or they wanted them.
I knew when I was a little kid that I didn't want kids and never really waived in my approach, thankfully my parents never gave me any grief about wanting to be child free/less whatever is the correct term for it.
I have a male friend who is divorced and who quit dating in his early 50s. So I asked him why.
His criteria:
1. He was looking for women who either had never married or who had been married but did not have kids or want kids.
2. Non smokers.
3. Fit.
4. Sane.
His answer, "they don't exist."
This is a bogus post. Because no one dating at 50+ is concerned about women who don't want kids, and most women at that age who do have kids have seen them off to college or beyond. The kids are out of the house or close to it. And these days, most women are non-smokers, and those who haven't had kids are fit. Even some of those who have had kids are fit. Sanity is rarely in question, that's obvious bait.
My take, if your friend exists, is that he's probably one of those guys going after women half his age or nearly so. Or maybe he's just not too bright, and doesn't know that women at 50+ can't have kids. But I doubt your friend exists. This reads like an old Henny Youngman routine. He's the comedian who famously joked, "Take my wife."
This is a bogus post. Because no one dating at 50+ is concerned about women who don't want kids, and most women at that age who do have kids have seen them off to college or beyond. The kids are out of the house or close to it. And these days, most women are non-smokers, and those who haven't had kids are fit . Even some of those who have had kids are fit. Sanity is rarely in question , that's obvious bait.
Not sure if serious....
I'm tempted to thing this is a troll post based on the bolded.
This is a bogus post. Because no one dating at 50+ is concerned about women who don't want kids, and most women at that age who do have kids have seen them off to college or beyond. The kids are out of the house or close to it. And these days, most women are non-smokers, and those who haven't had kids are fit. Even some of those who have had kids are fit. Sanity is rarely in question, that's obvious bait.
Don't forget, She must be a virgin but put out for me on the 3rd date also.
I think you're missing the point of the thread, which is that after a certain age, for many people it's not about picking a mate or getting married in the first place. If they bother with dating, it's just enjoying someone's company. For one thing, that doesn't require a whole lot of money. For another, all most people "of an age" usually want is just someone who can carry their own weight. That doesn't mean affluence. Just non-dependency.
I was responding to a post that claimed 20-somethings were looking for the Mister Perfect guy and that money had nothing to do with it. If you're 20-something and thinking about reproducing. Money really does matter. Children who grow up in affluent towns with gold-plated school systems surrounded by success-oriented classmates do far better than children attending some war zone failed public school next to the housing project. It's also huge when you hit retirement age. If you haven't accumulated the wealth to retire comfortably, you're eating dog food and sleeping in a cardboard box.
I fully understand the point of this thread. I disagree with it.
I'm 57. I've been divorced twice and it was extremely costly. I have no issue with getting into a long-term relationship. I'm now extremely picky and cautions because I clearly have poor judgement in picking my spouse. Everyone is different. I don't think most 50-somethings have no interest in a long term relationship. They're just not going to disrupt their lives for someone who isn't right.
It's the Cartesian view of what is a non-human animal, applied to humans. Or, it's the "ideal" model of a rational agent, used in classical economic theory (obsolesced by behavioral economics). Or for the popular-culture set, it's Mr. Spock.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MountainHi
...no one dating at 50+ is concerned about women who don't want kids, and most women at that age who do have kids have seen them off to college or beyond. The kids are out of the house or close to it. And these days, most women are non-smokers, and those who haven't had kids are fit. Even some of those who have had kids are fit. Sanity is rarely in question, that's obvious bait...
Not in my proverbial neck of the woods. Smoking is rampant, especially amongst the demographic that finds itself dating in middle-age (this is not a gendered statement). So is obesity. There's a small segment of the population that's rabid about fitness, but the vast majority is in woefully bad physical shape. As for the correlation between motherhood and weight, in my admittedly limited experience, the single-moms were actually in better shape than the child-free women (those latter being my primary interest).
I don’t date too many 50-year-olds, but I do date plenty of 45-year-olds. Of those who don't yet have children, many express desire to have them, and bristle indignantly when told that physiologically this would be unwise. And amongst professionals, quite a few had kids in their mid to late 30s. Thus at 45 their kids, or at least the younger of the kids, are still in elementary-school. By 50 they would be in high-school.
The question of sanity deserves its own thread, so here I'll be brief. Of those women whom I got to know sufficiently well, as to have intimate conversations about their personal lives, I'd say that half to two-thirds admitted to being on prescription antidepressants.
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More independence and more education of our own (outnumbering males right now, actually, or at least I think it is, at the college level) means we can actually be with a specific man because we like him.
