Single again :( (girl, family, separated, divorced)
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Oh, I need to mention on his behalf - defense - I almost forgot:
He threw in my face last week that I am living with two MEN.
sidenote: He told me last year to rent out rooms since I live mostly with him and I started renting to 2 interns from work. Engineer interns are usually male. They are 22 and 26 year old guys. I am 39. I do not socialize with them, I keep to myself. I was hardly home.
He threw in my face last last week that I am still married.
I am separated for 5 years, need to hang in there for another 4 months until my last tuition is paid for. I do not have a relationship with the guy, hardly talk to him, and told my bf on our FIRST DATE that I am still married and he was okay with it.
He threw in my face last week that I hate all women because I am so insecure.
Not true. I get a lot of hatred from shorter or thicker women and just don't care making friends if I don't feel a connection. If I hang out with 10 guys and 2 women who are hostile, I don't bend over backwards to make them like me. Most women are catty towards me and I don't like girly women. I don't have any enemies and get along with all women at work and all women at previous workplaces.
He threw in my face last week that I am wearing sexy stuff at work.
I don't even own high heels. Yes, about 2x per month I wear tight dresses. But they end at the knees and have sleeves and no cleavage. They are sexy though. The other women at work dress sexier but they are older and shorter and thicker - that's not my fault. I would have dressed less sexy if I would have know it botheres him. He said it doesn't bother him, he likes it.
Sorry, but how is that in his defense? It makes him sound like more of a douche.
Eve,
First, sorry you're hurting. It's a perfectly normal response to a break-up.
Question though. Is this thread helping? You seem to be spiraling a bit, which is understandable, but is talking here helping? If it is, talk away. But if it isn't, then this may be adding to your woe.
Yikes, you're married? I think this will be an issue for most guys. But presumably your ex-boyfriend knew this going into the relationship, and to use it as ammunition to distract from your complaints is ridiculous, as long as your were honest about how long it would take to get a divorce. I would wait until you're no longer married to date again, though.
Why print things out to convince him he's wrong? You guys are broken up, and you need to focus on your healing and not on winning arguments with him. Return his stuff to him so you won't need to have repeated contact, which will only prolong your pain.
But I can't blame someone not taking a relationship seriously when one of the people is married, separated or not.
he wanted to get engaged after 3 months so he took me seriously. I told him to hold off and wait until I am divorced. He said he wants a long engagement then and I told him to wait. Then the exes came into the picture and all the stupid fights and there was no more future talk.
He never said the marriage bothers him. He recently even said he wouldn't mind hanging out with the guy I married. First he wanted me to cut contact - and I did - and then he got so comfortable that he said he would like to meet him.
Eve,
First, sorry you're hurting. It's a perfectly normal response to a break-up.
Question though. Is this thread helping? You seem to be spiraling a bit, which is understandable, but is talking here helping? If it is, talk away. But if it isn't, then this may be adding to your woe.
Yeah, especially with some defending the ex-boyfriend.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,050,212 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
he wanted to get engaged after 3 months so he took me seriously. I told him to hold off and wait until I am divorced. He said he wants a long engagement then and I told him to wait. Then the exes came into the picture and all the stupid fights and there was no more future talk.
He never said the marriage bothers him. He recently even said he wouldn't mind hanging out with the guy I married. First he wanted me to cut contact - and I did - and then he got so comfortable that he said he would like to meet him.
Sounds like a fundamentally unhealthy relationship all around. So, while this sucks, its good to get out of it.
So I still have his house key. I still have stuff in his house. It all happened last week.
This week I have to get my stuff and exchange keys. I am wondering if I should print out this thread and put it on his table. He thinks he is 100% right and I am 100% crazy.
I was crazy in telling him how to spend his money. Yes because I felt like he threw our idea of buying a house away by spending $43k on a truck. But we already had issues and of course he didn't think about a common future anymore.
I was crazy in telling him how to sleep (not so far away from me). YES.
I sent him an apology email and that I am working on my issues and maybe in 3-4 months we can find back together. I got a nasty email back.
I recommend you getting your things at a time when he's not there.
After a breakup, unless shared children are involved, almost nothing that is said is truly necessary and is rather said out of hurt/anger/frustration. The "nasty email" you got back is probably an example of what I'm talking about.
Don't do it.
Second, please, once you are done, either leave his key where he can find it, or mail it back to him. Have him mail your key(s) back to you.
Do not print out this thread and leave it for him. What will it accomplish, honestly?
At the very most, he'll read the first page and chuck it in the garbage. At the very least he'll just automatically rip it up. Either way, you will just appear petty and vindictive.
Based on the brief statements you've made above, I highly recommend you limit your interactions with him from here on out. It's obvious you are going through a lot emotionally, which is understandable. But, don't make things worse by engaging in any back and forth with him.
It's not worth it.
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