Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
What do you mean somebody who jumps in and out of relationships???
What I mean is, someone who is exclusively with someone for a few months, dumps them and becomes exclusive with someone else, gets married, cheats, the wife finds out...then he dates someone else, marrys her, and the pattern goes on, and on, as the person fears being alone, so they jump into bed with the first person that comes along, stays with them a few months, breaks up, dates another, and another, and the patter continues. Very unhealthy.
Emotional abuse is sometimes subtle. Like "Ah, I was just kidding, you are too sensitive".
If soemone repeatedly says things to you that hurt, THAT is abuse. It can sometimes be worse than physical for a person's self-esteem. That is why people should think before they speak, talk less, listen more.
absolutely, it IS very subtle, and takes years of conditioning...you don't like it, but you put up with it, and it gets worse and worse...and yes....you are so right!!!!!
WOW, I have to say how fast some of us jump to judge, from a story given by a 3rd person perspective. The person posting has given one side of this whole story, and it is not even that of the wife in this... and some of you jump straight to calling this man, everything from a wife beater, to a immature jerk. I think you need to leave your baggage at the door and come into this sorta thing wanting to know more facts.. from what we have its very vague, and does not in any way show emotional abuse.
The poster of this thread asked what emotional abuse is....she said her friends theropists also said it may be emotional abuse....??? I think what your doing is reading the experiences of others...as it is only natural for us to identify with what we've gone thru. Also, by sharing our stories, we also learn, we realize, we're not the only ones who have experienced abuse...we support one another, which is good theropy, and yes, sometimes we do get off subject, it's hard not to...and that so called baggage you asked us to leave behind...well, I suggest you not judge until you walk in our shoes....we all have forms of baggage....even you...so, be kind...ok?
Relationships aren't what one jumps in and out of, those are more commonly known as one night stands. A relationship is generally defined as a monogamous pairing, with the intent to stay paired. It doesn't actually matter how long it lasts or doesn't last, what matters is the intent. It's entirely possible to intend to remain with a particular person the rest of one's life, and suddenly find oneself running like a scalded cat to the nearest shelter and a divorce lawyer. Unfortunately, by the time it gets to that point, the victimized spouse has usually been brain-washed into thinking it's all their fault, and has been cut off from all friends and family that might help.
I met a woman a few years ago who'd caught her husband getting it on with their 14 year old baby sitter. She wasn't the kind to put up with that and threw him out, and went outside to tell him not to come back. Big mistake. He drove over her with his truck and broke her back, and said later if she'd just let him alone things would have been fine. As soon as she got out of the hospital and finished with physical therapy, she packed up the kids and moved across the country. That wasn't exactly a relationship she just jumped out of, it was initially intended to last until death did them part. He just tried to hurry it along. And I don't think the problem was hers, either.
I think your missing my point...my ex is now on his 3rd marriage...ours lasted 14 years....but all the while he had other women...plus, we met right after things went south with his first wife, and quite frankly...I don't believe he was totally seperated from her as he said he was. She and I spoke later. His sister is a psycologist, plus my counselor both said, people who jump in and out of relationships quickly are in need of help....they fear being alone, they have to be with someone...like my ex....
I think your missing my point...my ex is now on his 3rd marriage...ours lasted 14 years....but all the while he had other women...plus, we met right after things went south with his first wife, and quite frankly...I don't believe he was totally seperated from her as he said he was. She and I spoke later. His sister is a psycologist, plus my counselor both said, people who jump in and out of relationships quickly are in need of help....they fear being alone, they have to be with someone...like my ex....
And you're missing my point. To me, the concepts of 'relationship' and 'jumping in and out of' are mutually exclusive. I'm not quite sure what I'd call it, but definitely not 'jumping in and out of relationships.' Maybe extended one night stands... My father was like that. He liked being married, but he also happened to be a vicious and abusive black-out drunk. One of my uncles told me later the real reason his drinking got so bad was because he was basically a kind and gentle person who couldn't stand the thought of what he did afterward - so his drinking got worse and worse in an attempt to forget. As for the jumping bit, as I said, he liked being married, but every time it went sour. He also didn't like going to court or paying attorneys, so he simply moved to another state and 'married' someone else. He had at least 4 wives that I know of, but as far as I know, my mother was the only one who actually got a divorce, and she was also the first wife.
The cheating is a whole different story. My first husband did that, too - it reached the point where I'd have to pick my friends according to whether or not I wanted to find them in my bed at some point, because he'd hit on all of them.
The poster of this thread asked what emotional abuse is....she said her friends theropists also said it may be emotional abuse....??? I think what your doing is reading the experiences of others...as it is only natural for us to identify with what we've gone thru. Also, by sharing our stories, we also learn, we realize, we're not the only ones who have experienced abuse...we support one another, which is good theropy, and yes, sometimes we do get off subject, it's hard not to...and that so called baggage you asked us to leave behind...well, I suggest you not judge until you walk in our shoes....we all have forms of baggage....even you...so, be kind...ok?
Thanks
Creme
What.. Ask yourself how would this person know what a therapist opinion was on a private matter? How did she get that info, from the women who is her friend or did the therapist break the law and disclose private info? Your right you all seem to be some jaded men hating women... its always the mans fault. You want equal rights, but cry foul when you have them. Men don't have feelings, we're supposed to just take womens abuse and man up. Women can and are some of the most evil and vile creatures on this planet. You expect everything your way, and when a man does not jump though your hoops, you play head games, or cheat, or start a fight, and some of you even hit men, thinking he cant hit me back, I'm a girl. And when your picking yourself up off the floor, want to scream abuse. Get over yourselves already. You cant be equal and still have the perks of being a women.
Now I am sure most of you will call me a jerk or worse.. I understand you all have your baggage, but to jump out and make claims on a man you have never met, don't know, and only have the slightest idea of one 3rd persons perspective is, one I bet is formed because the man is taking more time for his relationship than she like and wants her friend back, so she moans about it on some forum.. knowing the femanazi types will agree he is the DEBIL and call him everything from a immature jerk to a wife beater. just ludicrous.
What.. Ask yourself how would this person know what a therapist opinion was on a private matter? How did she get that info, from the women who is her friend or did the therapist break the law and disclose private info? Your right you all seem to be some jaded men hating women... its always the mans fault. You want equal rights, but cry foul when you have them. Men don't have feelings, we're supposed to just take womens abuse and man up. Women can and are some of the most evil and vile creatures on this planet. You expect everything your way, and when a man does not jump though your hoops, you play head games, or cheat, or start a fight, and some of you even hit men, thinking he cant hit me back, I'm a girl. And when your picking yourself up off the floor, want to scream abuse. Get over yourselves already. You cant be equal and still have the perks of being a women.
Now I am sure most of you will call me a jerk or worse.. I understand you all have your baggage, but to jump out and make claims on a man you have never met, don't know, and only have the slightest idea of one 3rd persons perspective is, one I bet is formed because the man is taking more time for his relationship than she like and wants her friend back, so she moans about it on some forum.. knowing the femanazi types will agree he is the DEBIL and call him everything from a immature jerk to a wife beater. just ludicrous.
Where on EARTH did THAT come from? I happen to like men, I like living with a man, I lived with my last husband for 21 years until he died last fall, and I took care of him at home while he was bedridden for a year, rather than put him in a hospice, simply because I knew how much he'd hate having to depend on strangers.
The OP got her information from the friend/relative who is the subject, not from a therapist breaking confidentiality. Her actual question was "Could this be emotional abuse?" And yes, it could, it depends on the degree of it. No one has actually said anything about the man, just the situation as it was presented, and the possibilities inherent in the situation. We all filter things through our own life experiences, and it's not necessarily baggage, it's just life. Considering the conclusions you seemed to have jumped to, you have plenty of baggage of your own, and I feel sorry for you. Lighten up a little, life is too short to waste any of it on such bitterness.
Oh, and just so you know I'm not just another feminazi, the last time I checked, something like 10% of the spousal abuse reported was reported by men. Considering how reluctant most men are to admit their wife beats them, one can only wonder what the true numbers are. And yes, men can and do report their wives beating them to the police, as embarrassed as they might feel about it. It leaves a paper trail and shows a pattern, in case the guy finally defends himself and gets charged with abuse his own self - he can point to his past reports and say "This isn't the first time, this is just the time I fought back."
I have been married to someone for 30 years. To me, emotional abuse is knowingly doing the same thing over and over again to a loved one even though you've been told that it really hurts and upsets them. This can be different for different people. Even if you are the target of the behavior you have to decide if it is harming you, and when you have to stop tolerating it. At a certain point, if a couple cannot act respectfully toward each other, and keep repeating the same harmful behaviors, then the relationship is abusive. Loosing your temper all the time can be abusive. The question is, what is the outcome, the harm that is resulting? Science now shows us that chronic stress can have extremely debilatating effects on our health. Is that abuse? I don't know for sure. I had a therapist tell me once that my husband was probably a nice enough person and father but he was certainly "toxic" for me.
karibear, thanks for your concise and accurate response. As the OP, I couldn't respond to his ridiculous claims without getting irritated. And I have no desire to argue with strangers. If he were a bit more adept at interpreting my post, he'd have realized that I posted the question because I was not quite sure I believe my friend and her therapist (whom I have never met or spoken to), not because I "want my friend back."
What.. Ask yourself how would this person know what a therapist opinion was on a private matter? How did she get that info, from the women who is her friend or did the therapist break the law and disclose private info? Your right you all seem to be some jaded men hating women... its always the mans fault. You want equal rights, but cry foul when you have them. Men don't have feelings, we're supposed to just take womens abuse and man up. Women can and are some of the most evil and vile creatures on this planet. You expect everything your way, and when a man does not jump though your hoops, you play head games, or cheat, or start a fight, and some of you even hit men, thinking he cant hit me back, I'm a girl. And when your picking yourself up off the floor, want to scream abuse. Get over yourselves already. You cant be equal and still have the perks of being a women.
Now I am sure most of you will call me a jerk or worse.. I understand you all have your baggage, but to jump out and make claims on a man you have never met, don't know, and only have the slightest idea of one 3rd persons perspective is, one I bet is formed because the man is taking more time for his relationship than she like and wants her friend back, so she moans about it on some forum.. knowing the femanazi types will agree he is the DEBIL and call him everything from a immature jerk to a wife beater. just ludicrous.
I think first and foremost, you should calm down...and realize, the men we are talking about are not the majority of men out there, nor are we men hatters....but unfortunately ended up with less then honest men who had some serious problems....and yes, perhaps your right, but, perhaps your wrong about the man who is the topic of discussion.
No, it is NOT always the man's fault...and I'm a little bewildered as to why you are taking this so personal.
Please note, what we have written here is not written in stone...and we are not meaning all men our like this....there are a lot of very kind, generous, mature, find upstanding men out there, and many in this web site, as a matter of fact.
I'm very sorry, you've taken this so personal...I can't speak for anyone else, but I do know there are a lot of fair women in here, some have been through a lot...and still adore and respect men. We are not feminists...matter of fact, far from it...and to be quit honest, I do love men...love chatting with them...love the stories they have to tell...and the insight and brilliance of some go beyond the norm. So, might I suggest you take a deep breath and realize, your not a jerk, and no one feels that way....what you are, I think doing, is taking our comments to the far other end of the spectrum and reading into our words the worst possible senerio.
And yes, I agree, some women can be truly evil and abusive...believe me I know...but, at the end of the day...we can all sit back and admit, not all women are like that, just as not all men are like that.
What we are doing is sharing our stories...doesn't mean, we're pinning down this guy to same senerios...we're simply sharing our stories...sorry to upset you.
Creme
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Relationships aren't what one jumps in and out of, those are more commonly known as one night stands. A relationship is generally defined as a monogamous pairing, with the intent to stay paired. It doesn't actually matter how long it lasts or doesn't last, what matters is the intent. It's entirely possible to intend to remain with a particular person the rest of one's life, and suddenly find oneself running like a scalded cat to the nearest shelter and a divorce lawyer. Unfortunately, by the time it gets to that point, the victimized spouse has usually been brain-washed into thinking it's all their fault, and has been cut off from all friends and family that might help.
To me, the concepts of 'relationship' and 'jumping in and out of' are mutually exclusive. I'm not quite sure what I'd call it, but definitely not 'jumping in and out of relationships.' Maybe extended one night stands... My father was like that. He liked being married, but he also happened to be a vicious and abusive black-out drunk. One of my uncles told me later the real reason his drinking got so bad was because he was basically a kind and gentle person who couldn't stand the thought of what he did afterward - so his drinking got worse and worse in an attempt to forget. As for the jumping bit, as I said, he liked being married, but every time it went sour. He also didn't like going to court or paying attorneys, so he simply moved to another state and 'married' someone else. He had at least 4 wives that I know of, but as far as I know, my mother was the only one who actually got a divorce, and she was also the first wife.
