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My soulmate is a cat. He tells me to keep it simple, or else
There are times when I honestly feel my dog is the love of my life.
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Originally Posted by JerZ
So every person would have one and be content. Is that the case? OTOH if it were more cruel than that and we each had a soul mate but, say, that person died, then what? We're screwed for the rest of our lives?
This is something I have wrestled with. I do believe that LH was a soul mate. I also believe I was absolutely the love of his life, but that he wasn't the love of mine. But that could partially be because he's the only LTR I've ever had and it's too heartbreaking to think I'm "done" and have been since the age of 34 when I still have all this love inside of me waiting to be given and just going to waste in the meantime.
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Originally Posted by Hotbloodedwoman
That's true. I've always heard a month for every year you were together.
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Originally Posted by Stymie13
Some say healing takes twice as long as the relationship lasted. Of course there is the unique aspect that we all heal in our own way and it's different for each. .
There is no time frame. It depends on the person.
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
I would tend to say "no", but I've heard some pretty unusual stories, so maybe in some cases, the universe does conspire. I've heard of people who knew years in advance exactly the circumstances in which they'd meet their future spouse. Unusual circumstances. Some seemingly clairvoyant moments. Odd.
My cousin's husband had a dream about her before they met. In the dream, he never saw her face but knew she was "the one." They met exactly like in his dream - the first time he saw her, it was from behind but he knew it was her.
No, just people that can get along with each other in many ways. Sooner or later you will still have to work at it a little or bite the bullet.
Even a relationship as deep and meaningful and fulfilling as the term "soulmates" is meant to describe still requires work and sacrifice to maintain. I don't see anyone denying that. Even though I believe in the premise behind the term, I certainly can't deny that. Honestly, in many ways, such a relationship may require more effort and sacrifice. Its the willingness to make that effort and sacrifice on behalf of each other that sets such a relationship apart. The deep connection, understanding and love doesn't mean easy and maintenance free. Its the level of commitment and lack of selfishness and willingness to set conditions aside that defines a "soulmate" relationship. That often .means ,things can be more difficult, each partner just doesn't care about that. You just accept it, and do what you have to, come what may. And do so happily.
I don't. I think, although we tend to think of endless genetic difference possibilities, and though we also tend to think we, ourselves, are entirely unique, there really are only so many combinations of what will "work" and what won't in a human relationship for any given individual and when you hit upon that combination it feels so familiar that we think that must be the magic person. There are really only so many possibilities and if we allow it, dozens of people could conceivably feel "soul-mate deep" because those people will "match" to that specific extent. Nobody wants to admit this, but we are not as unique as we think we are. We WILL "match" many many people just by chance, happenstance and by being human with ONLY human variation available within and to us.
As you go through life you'll find there is more than one person who seems to immediately click with you, not always on a romantic relationship level, but at least in general. Because compared to the entire population of people you know, such "clickings" are comparatively rare, again, we think of them as very, very unique and in our self-centered way we think of ourselves as very, very unique too and so we believe, or want to believe, it's some sort of cosmic perfect relationship storm, made just for us.
I don't believe that. Rather, I feel it's our biology and personality fitting with another's in each of our best possible scenario ways, which, again, human beings are built to do. We are biologically built to be a social species, and whether that means social with dozens at a time or only communicative/interactive with very few, our very DNA demands interaction. If we WEREN'T built to fit "just perfectly!" (at least at first) with a number of people it's doubtful we would have been as successful as we have been so far, since socialness/lots of minds/bodies coming together has been such a boon to homo sapiens.
If there were "soul mates," then nothing on earth could prevent us from having them, they being, cosmically speaking, built just for us and vice versa...correct? So every person would have one and be content. Is that the case? OTOH if it were more cruel than that and we each had a soul mate but, say, that person died, then what? We're screwed for the rest of our lives? That would be very counter-survival because we would give up, stop eating, stop sleeping, perhaps even stop protecting our society mates, maybe even our children. Even animals can literally die of heartbreak if the loss is strong enough; so can we. An animal (like us) with the consciousness to understand that we had that ONE chance at pure love and now it's gone forever would more likely than not want to die and might actually do it. I can't see that as a "norm" for any creature and have that creature thrive as a species whole.
So no. No "soul mates" and no cosmic finger nudging us toward that one special person. If you lose the person you think WAS that one special person, then provided you don't self-limit (especially emotionally) you'll find it again. And again. Until you die. It's the way we operate, it's the way we want things, it's what we inwardly seek, if we don't find it we'll nudge things and accept things and so on in favor of having a "soul"-deep connection with someone else.
I agree somewhat but as a man who does not want kids, marriage or to co-habitate with a woman, I would think that is [retty rare.
I agree somewhat but as a man who does not want kids, marriage or to co-habitate with a woman, I would think that is [retty rare.
Throughout history there have always been men (and, gasp, sometimes, women, LOL) who didn't want marriage or kids.
Just this fact is far lesser than the general population but isn't entirely unique in a special snowflake sort of way. It's something that definitely happens. Some who feel this way will stick to their guns, a large percentage will do what society says anyway, hence skewing the numbers in a superficial way as far as how many people may actually not want to do the whole house and spouse and kids thing.
So, OP, since your current marriage is apparently going down the tubes, by any chance have you already found a "soul mate" outside of your marriage? That might provide additional insight on the reason for your initial question.
I haven't gone outside of my marriage and I'm certainly not having an affair. I believe you reap what you sow and I don't want some ish like that coming back on me. But i will say, I have always had an amazing connection with an old boyfriend. I always thought he was my soulmate. It didn't work out because we were young and dumb. I've never come across anyone else that I felt like that about. We didn't date that long, but we've always made contact throughout the years. If I don't speak to him for a while, he will creep into my dreams. I feel like I carry him in my spirit. He is never too far from my thoughts. Perhaps I'm being overly romantic because like you said, my marriage is in the pits. My feelings have deepened for that old flame throughout the years and he has ruined me for other men. He tried to convince me not to marry my now husband, but I didn't listen. I wonder if women in general just want too much. Will we ever be satisfied?
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I hope so .... lol.
! Otherwise I messed up really bad 
! This thread reminds me of one of my fav movies, "Only you"!
JerZ is right.
