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Yikes, it's been awhile since I heard complaints about their girlfriend.wife/significant other as being too busy? Most complain about lack of effort in pulling their weight, lazy or is messy LOL
Anyway, when younger adults are striving to get educated, work to pay bills, plus willing to give up "FUN STUFF" it should be a positive. So, is it that you feel ignored, unappreciated, discarded in some way? What is it like when you are together?? Good communication, physically drawn to each other etc?
When young adults are getting started ..to attain that level of security..often the amount of time spent together is affected.
If you (OP) cannot look at whatever time together in a "Quality TIME" versus "Quantity Time" view..just maybe it won't be a good fit. If you required more time..and don't have other things you can enjoy doing..Then I'm afraid you want too much time together ..Only you know what you personally require in order to feel "WHOLE" in a committed relationship ..Best of luck tho
The first sentences I bold yea thats how I feel.
I know even in my weeks of midterms and exam I still manage to juggle time with family and friends and even much more a relationship.
I don't think I want too much time together I work during the week so it's not like I have a load of time during the week but I do have weeknights off. But some of that time its pretty much all into what the other adults do pay the bills cook wash laundry and so on.
I do expected to see her at least once a week somewhere in between because after that you just feel like your single again if shes not really there.
Its important for me to build and spend quality time with my gf.
I don't about how many people here believe in work life balance.
But it appears my current GF has no clue how to juggle a relationship.
When I am trying to make plans to go to the beach for the weekend. She wants to get ahead on the weekend at her job then study for loads of hours for some of the classes she is currently taking at a university to finish up her degree program.
I got nothing against it the problem is that she doesn't put in the effort to spend time together.
She's a Type A personality. Now I like someone that's ambitious don't get me wrong but its hard to develop the relationship more further if we hardly spend time together.
I complain and told her" Why don't you want to spend time with me if it's been 3 weeks.
Then she's like " Sorry I want to get ahead"
At her job shes a Paralegal for a small firm but she says that she has lots of paperwork that can't wait so she has to come in on a Saturday then couple more hours on Sunday.
She's doing it in chances of getting a promotion
Then I said " So you don't want to spend time with me?"
But then shes like " I do but I have so much to do I can't rest"
I try to be supportive and patient about it but if there are 24 hours in a day, it's possible to at least squeeze in some time to spend together.
I don't mean to so like a *****. I like her because we can relate plenty of our goals and we are compatible in many ways.
I told her we could study together too but she said she can't study if she's distracted.
I understand life gets in the way sometimes but even when i'm very busy. I make time always for the people I love and care about no matter how busy I am.
What should I do or tell her? I get along with her in every other way but we don't spend enough time together. And if I do I feel like its a chore to keep reminding her.
Balance is something that is typically learned with life experience, and it's also something that often gets sacrificed for the achieving of short-term goals. People who are, say, working full-time and in school and parenting, etc. may be likely to just put their head down and push through, knowing that their work/life balance is going to suck for a few years, with the thought being that it won't last forever, and the end goal is to have done the work needed to build a lifestyle where more balances is possible...investing the time now so that you have more freedom later.
You are taking it personally because you feel like time is not being made for you sufficiently. And it may well be that she's prioritizing her responsibilities at the expense of focusing on a relationship. Anecdotally, I worked as a paralegal early on in my career, and bringing work home was essentially expected, and I wasn't even looking for a promotion...just making sure everything got done. It WAS a lot of paperwork.
The most you can do is mutually agree upon an amount of time together that works for both of you, knowing that it's likely going to seem like not enough, on your end, and too much on hers. If there simply isn't ANY time that she can/and/or is willing to carve out, it might be that a relationship is not realistic for her at this stage of life. It sounds like she's already got plenty on her plate. I've been that person. At that particular stage, a serious relationship simply wasn't at all realistic for me. So I wasn't in one. It's one of the sacrifices you make. There just wasn't any way I could have done a relationship justice when I was that overloaded with other responsibilities. It didn't last forever, and when those years were over, it was more realistic to pursue things outside of work responsibilties.
Balance is something that is typically learned with life experience, and it's also something that often gets sacrificed for the achieving of short-term goals. People who are, say, working full-time and in school and parenting, etc. may be likely to just put their head down and push through, knowing that their work/life balance is going to suck for a few years, with the thought being that it won't last forever, and the end goal is to have done the work needed to build a lifestyle where more balances is possible...investing the time now so that you have more freedom later.
You are taking it personally because you feel like time is not being made for you sufficiently. And it may well be that she's prioritizing her responsibilities at the expense of focusing on a relationship. Anecdotally, I worked as a paralegal early on in my career, and bringing work home was essentially expected, and I wasn't even looking for a promotion...just making sure everything got done. It WAS a lot of paperwork.
The most you can do is mutually agree upon an amount of time together that works for both of you, knowing that it's likely going to seem like not enough, on your end, and too much on hers. If there simply isn't ANY time that she can/and/or is willing to carve out, it might be that a relationship is not realistic for her at this stage of life. It sounds like she's already got plenty on her plate. I've been that person. At that particular stage, a serious relationship simply wasn't at all realistic for me. So I wasn't in one. It's one of the sacrifices you make. There just wasn't any way I could have done a relationship justice when I was that overloaded with other responsibilities. It didn't last forever, and when those years were over, it was more realistic to pursue things outside of work responsibilties.
It didn't work out in the end.
She wanted it all but something has to go and since she refused to do something about it we went our own separate ways.
I know if I was that busy like you, I be hard pressed to keep a girlfriend happy.
Althou I Never have been that busy to point where I can't see my gf or family.
She wanted it all but something has to go and since she refused to do something about it we went our own separate ways.
I know if I was that busy like you, I be hard pressed to keep a girlfriend happy.
Althou I Never have been that busy to point where I can't see my gf or family.
So the update is that we met yesterday for dinner at a decent place but we decided to end things she admitted she doesn't have time for a man.
I explain to her that I barely see her and need someone that's going to be there for me.
She says if I can wait but unfortunately I said no.
Because I know she was going to pull the same trick on me.
If she was interested she would chase me but I doubt that's happening.
I did explain to her no matter how busy you are you would make the time for me.
She kinda did not get that concept, but overall felt kinda bad for not letting me chase someone that would make time for me.
I think it's clear that I should not date very ambitious people or workaholics because it's hard to carry a relationship more further than that unless I had a lot of patients but I like being someones first priority for the most part.
I think I made the right choice.[/quote]
I agree.
No matter HOW busy a person is, there is always a lunch break you can spend together or an hour here or there, if it is important to you. I had guys drive an hour to see me for 30 minutes.
She will not chase you because you weren't that important and most people nowadays don't chase anymore, especially not after just 3 months of dating.
Also, it seemed like she is career driven while you put "life" first, so it wasn't a good match anyway.
It's not career suicide if she frees up a few hours/nights per week for her boyfriend. She kept stringing him along for 3 weeks without meeting. Nobody works/studies 24/7 without having their brain explode.
We been together for 3 months so far so it's still quite a fresh relationship.
We met online on OKC
I did explain to her that I was looking for something stable and permanent and explain that spending time with each other is important to me.
I think it's clear that I should not date very ambitious people or workaholics because it's hard to carry a relationship more further than that unless I had a lot of patients but I like being someones first priority for the most part.
I think I made the right choice.
Wow, she was on OKC, looking for a relationship? I wonder if she learned her lesson, or if she's going to go back onto the site and make some other guy unhappy? What was she thinking??
I would still like to know why she couldn't even fit you in for meals on weekends, at the very least. That makes no sense. And while you learned from the experience, I wonder if she learned anything about going onto dating sites to look for a partner she has no time for. It's not your fault, OP.
And honestly, after just 3 months, I wouldn't call her a girlfriend. She's just a woman you've been dating and getting to know. It didn't work out, so you're moving on. That's how dating works. I understand your frustration, because you got along well the first few dates, but she never was a gf, really; you never got to that stage. See what I mean? Better luck next time.
Wow, she was on OKC, looking for a relationship? I wonder if she learned her lesson, or if she's going to go back onto the site and make some other guy unhappy? What was she thinking??
I would still like to know why she couldn't even fit you in for meals on weekends, at the very least. That makes no sense. And while you learned from the experience, I wonder if she learned anything about going onto dating sites to look for a partner she has no time for. It's not your fault, OP.
And honestly, after just 3 months, I wouldn't call her a girlfriend. She's just a woman you've been dating and getting to know. It didn't work out, so you're moving on. That's how dating works. I understand your frustration, because you got along well the first few dates, but she never was a gf, really; you never got to that stage. See what I mean? Better luck next time.
Because he was just a "date" for her and not important enough. If you have such a busy life, you'll spend your time wisely. And if there is no room for even a meal with the "bf" he wasn't really her boyfriend.
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