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My now ex boyfriend broke up with me last Sunday in person (about a week and a half ago).
First, let me describe how our relationship was going. He’s a year and a half younger than me, we started hooking up over a year ago and he really liked me and thought I was super cool and hot but I just saw him as a hook up. He asked me a couple times to hang during the weekdays and I always blew it off and pretended I was sick. It wasn’t until late December that I realized I liked him. So we started talking and hanging out everyday in the beginning of January and started dating. I had a whole house to myself so he literally moved in. So we literally started living together the second we started dating. We were extremely serious very fast, and knew each others families closely/all that. We argued about once every two weeks and throughout the span of our relationship we probably had 3 really bad arguments. There was one moment about two months in when he wanted to break up with me because he was off his depression medication and claimed he felt i didn’t show enough affection towards him but he realized it was a mistake before he even broke things off and we stayed together and were super happy. After that talk though, I made sure to be extra affectionate. I think I was so affectionate about the last month in the arguments we had (about once every week or two like I said) were about him wanting space to chill with his friends. I never told him he couldn’t chill with his friends but I would get mad he blew me off for them a few times, which I now know I should have just let go. Anyways. The last two weeks of our relationship were really really good. I had to move home so we were both living at our parents house which is only 10 mins away from each other and I was sleeping at his house every single night. I’m not kidding you, we were laughing and giggling and he was begging me to sleep over and spend time with him every night. We had sex twice a day, even on the beach, took showers together, did cute couple stuff and didn’t argue at all. He told me three nights before he broke up with me while we were around a fire with friends that it was the happiest night of his life. The day before he broke up with me we did get into a small argument because his mom asked him to put his clothes in the washer and I backed her up and he got really mad I got involved. We went to our friends beach house after and he said he just got sexually frustrated because he wanted to hook up before we went to the beach and thats why he lashed out and he was sorry. But i was like honestly you shouldn’t have overreacted we have sex all the time. So he was obviously still pissy At the beach, me and my friend went to get pizza and he told me when he broke up with me that he felt “relieved” and he shouldn’t feel that way when a girlfriend goes away but it was because we were annoyed with each other! The night before we broke up when we went to bed he was wasted and when I was cuddling him he moved my hand off him which he never has done and I kissed his cheek and he made a grumpy noise.
Anyways, he broke up with me that Sunday and said because he is “unhappy” and feels we’re “incompatible” because I should be with someone who doesn’t mind being controlled, but I truly did not control him at all. He said I over analyze stuff and put him up to a microscope. None of these things had happened the past few weeks we were incredibly happy with him begging to spend time with me. Anyways, I’m going away for 5 weeks to travel in two days. Do you believe this has anything to do with it?
Do you think he’s scared?
We talked on the phone a few days after and he said it’d be best to wait until after I come back and we might get together but might never get back together but that I should forget about him for now and try to become more independent in Thailand. But i swear to god he was so into the relationship while we were dating and asking me to sleep over every night even when I offered he should have a friend night he said no and for me to come over.
He had to drop my stuff off to me this sunday (one week post breakup and a few days since the phone call) and when i said bye i said maybe ill see you when I’m home and he texted me right after and said he thinks theres been a miscommunication and that he doesn’t see himself being in a relationship in college and his mind changing in 4 weeks.
Do you think he is doing this to have control of the situation? or do you think its done forever?
I just graduated but he still has two more years at college but ALWAYS said he wants me to live at his college house (30 min from my house) and wants to stay together and I should plan my med school around him
Please give me advice I love him so much and I really want him to come back. What should I do?
ALSO, my mom works with his mom. and his mom told my mom his excuse for breaking up with me was “Im just sick and tired of hearing about Thailand” but he also told my friend that I was “too much and high maintenance (aka needy)”
He also just removed a tag in a photo of us together that was the last post on his facebook wall so now its gone
Also, when I keep saying we were only happy the last few weeks I mean we were EXTRA happy but we were genuinely happy the whole time dating.
For someone you described as 'just saw him as a hook up', you sure have invested a lot of time and effort into describing your situation.
It sounds like he realized he doesn't want to be with you. Since he was just a hook up, you should already be looking for your next hook up. Why do you want him to change his mind?
You don't sound mature enough to be in a permanent relationship. I would move on and focus on school, especially if you plan on doing pre-med. You don't have time for this ****!
It sounds like he wasn't all that happy after all. Do you really want to be with a guy who clearly doesn't want to be with you? Even if he only did break up to "have control of the situation" or because he's scared of you going away for 5 weeks, is that the kind of person you want to be with? I'd try to move on. Enjoy your trip!
The scariest part of the entire post is that the OP is going to med school--a doctor?
You have a lot to learn. Relationships are not good/bad based on how many times people argue or don't. Arguing alone isn't an indicator of a good or bad relationship. Get over that notion. What and how things are said in an argument and how a couple resolves an argument is far more important. Learn more about that for future relationships.
You're very young, and the relationship seems to have been about sex for him and to some extent for you. Listen to what he told his mother: you're needy. There is some truth about you in that. Work on that, finish your education, and don't move in with some guy immediately in the future.
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