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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,763,058 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
I am so very sorry to hear of your recent losses, both of you, and I am also sending big hugs your way.
Dissenter, I hope that you know some people that you and your friend are/were both close to. It really helps the grieving process, to be in company of people where you feel connected and they also cared about the person that you lost. They get it. If there is anyone like that, and you have not gotten together with them, consider doing so ASAP. That is the best and safest place to genuinely grieve, and that is something you will need to do. I mean it, keeping feelings from an unexpected loss like this all locked up within you, will cause you far more pain than finding the right company to share them.
In the experience I had, I felt like I had physically been punched in the gut for a good 3 months, until I could get together with the right people to share grief with. Only then could I heal clean.
All the love, friends. All the love.
I appreciate your words Sonic. Since me and this friend me through music, I actually spent yesterday in Philly for a concert with several of our mutual friends. It was a beautiful night and we get to do it again his week for another concert.
I actually organized a GoFundMe after getting home from work over the weekend to help with his family’s final expenses and I’m stunned at how it blew up and did serious numbers in less than 72 hours. My friends have helped with selling shirts dedicated to him and profit going to his family. Just being able to help in a tragedy you felt so helpless about helps you to remember that you can choose to not let circumstances control you.
Both of you have my sympathy. I was going to post each of you a short note, but at the end of the day, whatever I would say, wouldn’t change anything.
Both of you have my sympathy. I was going to post each of you a short note, but at the end of the day, whatever I would say, wouldn’t change anything.
I appreciate your words Sonic. Since me and this friend me through music, I actually spent yesterday in Philly for a concert with several of our mutual friends. It was a beautiful night and we get to do it again his week for another concert.
I actually organized a GoFundMe after getting home from work over the weekend to help with his family’s final expenses and I’m stunned at how it blew up and did serious numbers in less than 72 hours. My friends have helped with selling shirts dedicated to him and profit going to his family. Just being able to help in a tragedy you felt so helpless about helps you to remember that you can choose to not let circumstances control you.
I am really glad that you have people like that. The dear friend I lost was a vocalist, and it was a few months before I could really get together with others who loved him and grieve properly, but it made all the difference in the world when we did.
And you are right, being able to "do something" helps a lot, too.
We had a memorial concert that featured a raffle, and I made a painting to be raffled off. I had a couple of people come up to me and tell me they dropped $200 on raffle tickets because they wanted to win it. Well the guy who DID win it, only bought a single ticket, but what gives me chills to this day, it was the guitarist of the band who was one of the deceased's very closest friends. A wonderful person, and I can't think of anyone I would rather have that art go to. I'm told it hangs in his bedroom.
It is so hard to lose someone you care about, and even more so I think, when it's unexpected. I lost a couple of my closest relatives within a few years of that time, and it didn't hit me as hard because they were old and had serious health problems and we knew they were near the end. It was almost a relief that their time of suffering was at an end, and they were free. But the loss of a relatively casual friend, at a "too young" age, of an overdose that was probably kind of a suicide, out of nowhere... It's brutal. Just brutal.
It is so hard to lose someone you care about, and even more so I think, when it's unexpected. I lost a couple of my closest relatives within a few years of that time, and it didn't hit me as hard because they were old and had serious health problems and we knew they were near the end. It was almost a relief that their time of suffering was at an end, and they were free. But the loss of a relatively casual friend, at a "too young" age, of an overdose that was probably kind of a suicide, out of nowhere... It's brutal. Just brutal.
*hugs*
A hard thing with a loss by suicide, too, is that people blame themselves and go down the spiral of, "if only I'd called more...if only I'd paid more attention...etc." The really difficult thing is accepting that you couldn't have changed anything, not really.
A hard thing with a loss by suicide, too, is that people blame themselves and go down the spiral of, "if only I'd called more...if only I'd paid more attention...etc." The really difficult thing is accepting that you couldn't have changed anything, not really.
Yes.
I know that I have thought, many times, if I could only go back knowing what I know now, I'd have done anything it took to make sure he was not alone that weekend. And I know that thousands of people probably felt the exact same way (about this one case, let alone all of the suicides and unexpected deaths that occur.)
But the reality though is that no one was going to be able to babysit a 50 year old man 24/7 through his depression, and I think that if this was gonna happen, sooner or later, he'd be alone with himself, and it would happen. But it took years for me to let that thought go, that I wish I'd done...something.
2 words: Nurse Jackie.
If you've never seen it, do not start.
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