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Were you just on the local radio station this morning? Some lady just called a radio station about a similar situation with her trainer, and everyone told her the same answer - NO, don't do it, dump him, stop it...
WOW god no i wasn't on the radio I've only ever posted in a forum once. Now.
I can't imagine asking a paid professional trainer/advisor/counselor such a personal question. Talk about inappropriate! I'm sure this guy has been enjoying the OP's attention and attempts to flirt, just as she's enjoyed his attention. He may simply find it comforting that he still "has what it takes" as he closes in on the big 5-0 and struggles though a divorce.
Notice, though, that he hasn't crossed that crucial boundary--asking her to coffee or anything of that nature. That is a signal. It says that although he's pushed the envelope in other ways, he's not willing to go farther. He has that much sense, at the very least. The OP should back off.
We are on a basis of we tell each other everything. I know more personal things than that about him so i think it will be ok to ask him. He has asked me for coffee Ruth x
Another would be to have a mature conversation about what has really been going on. I would do this with anyone who was giving me confusing messages.
That and verifying the veracity of his statements may go a long way.
Maybe a good start would be a brief chat with the separated wife. It doesn't have to be involved at all, just a couple of questions to backup his story.
1. Are you, in fact, separated?
2. Do you believe the separation is going to lead to a divorce or are the two of you working towards a reconciliation?
3. Are you both free to date/see other people?
One conversation, however awkward, may tell you everything you need to know.
We are on a basis of we tell each other everything. I know more personal things than that about him so i think it will be ok to ask him. He has asked me for coffee Ruth x
Thanks Ruth. Now I'm wondering if he purposely has created fuzzy boundaries.... like sometimes I go to say something to him and then I think wait hang on is this OK or is this crossing a line too far. It's only something stupid like a joke you would tell a friend but I question everything now with him. Has he made it like that? And if so why!! Why play with my feelings?
Ah, now we're getting down to the real questions. We can't know for sure. He may have done this on purpose, because it's his m.o. with clients he's attracted to. Worst case scenario: he's a player. He may be waiting for you to make the first move, so that he can say it was your idea, not his, and that he did observe professional boundaries (by not making the first move).
Benefit-of-the-doubt scenario: he fell into it, because he's distraught about his marriage falling apart. In-between those, there's a range of possibilities: he's doing it as an ego boost, so it's calculated, but with no intention of taking it to a serious level. Face it: he's heading toward 50, and his marriage is falling apart. (Which you should not be in a position to know at all.) He has a young client who, somewhat inexplicably, has paid him for over a year for gym training. OK, I guess we understand: it was because you were going through personal problems and ended up working with him as a counselor/life coach, not just a gym trainer. We'll blame it on your crisis. Still, he should have drawn a line.
Anyway, he has a young client who looked up to him, seemed to be attracted to him, and shared personal problems with him, trusting him for advice. Of course this is flattering, especially to a guy whose marriage is falling apart. He's vulnerable, which may explain why he didn't feel more like a father figure, which would have been more appropriate, and natural under other circumstances.
In any case, consider it a learning experience, and move on. To another trainer in another gym. If you even need a trainer at this point. I'm sure you have your gym routine down, at this point.
Thanks Ruth. Now I'm wondering if he purposely has created fuzzy boundaries.... like sometimes I go to say something to him and then I think wait hang on is this OK or is this crossing a line too far. It's only something stupid like a joke you would tell a friend but I question everything now with him. Has he made it like that? And if so why!! Why play with my feelings?
I'm sorry but I would not be thinking THIS much into it or trying to understand why.
Dear City Data. I thought I'd never write you a post like this, but let me describe myself first....
No, that would be if the trainer started a thread, talking about this voluptuous client who hired him for gym training, but then got all personal with him and he somehow got sucked in (it's just an expression! No pun!) to giving her personal coaching, and then she escalated her flirting, and gee, C-D, I told her I was married, though divorcing, but she seems to be throwing herself at me: what's a poor, red-blooded guy a generation older than this sweet, juicy young thing supposed to do?
How did I do, cpg?
(Nothing personal against you, OP. We do get fake scenarios here, occasionally.)
Maybe a good start would be a brief chat with the separated wife. It doesn't have to be involved at all, just a couple of questions to backup his story.
I agree. Since this divorce is agreed upon by both of them and they're just waiting for the correct timing or money or whatever, why not have a sit-down with the soon-to-be-ex wife to explain you want to be open and above-board with her during this transitional time so that you can all be friends?
I think this is an excellent idea. Give her a call. Since the divorce is all but a done deal it will almost certainly end well. There are no secrets here.
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Some lady just called a radio station about a similar situation with her trainer, and everyone told her the same answer - NO, don't do it, dump him, stop it...
