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Really, this is not a "friendly" situation. It's a sad situation, because there is nothing that is up front and honest about it.
Think about it.
He is married, which means he's cheating, and he's your personal trainer, so you aren't supposed to be cuddling and whispering sweet nothings to each other. He really could lose his job.
Either way, you aren't supposed to be together legitimately. That affects a person inside. You don't want a relationship like that. You want to be with someone that you don't have to hide.
Sure, you COULD "just" go ahead and have an affair, as someone suggested. Lots of people do. But ... they aren't always fun. What people don't realize about "just" having an affair is that it often leaves you even sadder than before BECAUSE of the dishonesty of it all.
Even if you don't have feelings involved, which you both obviously do, it feels bad deep down to be involved with someone in a dishonest way. You may think you can box off those feelings and just get your kicks and move on, but it wears on you to have an affair because it takes a lot of emotional energy to constantly cover your tracks.
Plus it can be really unsatisfying to be that closely connected to someone you can't have.
That's why you need to stop fooling yourself about this situation and see it for what it is.
I think that's covered on page 4 of the cheater's handbook.
"We are being too careful to get caught"
So, how do so many people get caught?
Trust me, they know. You may be in denial, but they know.
He is subcontracted by them so he works for himself I don't think they actually care enough to monitor us closely. Plus the younger trainers who work there are worse with their clients than we are.
Do you want help or do you just want us to tell you to go ahead and have an affair with your personal trainer?
Will you actually follow our advice or will you just do what you want to do even if it is to have an affair with your personal trainer?
And I am a married female.
I'm taking on board everything each person is commenting unless it's insulting towards me. The original question was that I wasn't sure if it was friendly or not. It wouldn't be an affair if he's not with his wife anymore and is actually single but again after taking on board the comments from others I realise that I may be being gullible believing that he has actually split from the wife. But yes I am considering each piece of advice I am given.
He is subcontracted by them so he works for himself I don't think they actually care enough to monitor us closely. Plus the younger trainers who work there are worse with their clients than we are.
That has nothing to do with my statement. Originally, you said this, "The gym facility don't know... it just looks like we're training most the time unless we were being watched closely."
What I'm indicating is that they DO know. You are only fooling yourself if you believe otherwise.
That's really the crux of this entire episode and most episodes when cheating is involved.
You're only really fooling yourself.
ETA: If the younger trainers are worse, then you are REALLY in the wrong place. However, I somehow doubt your premise is true, but you would like to believe that to prop up your own behavior.
Really, this is not a "friendly" situation. It's a sad situation, because there is nothing that is up front and honest about it.
Think about it.
He is married, which means he's cheating, and he's your personal trainer, so you aren't supposed to be cuddling and whispering sweet nothings to each other. He really could lose his job.
Either way, you aren't supposed to be together legitimately. That affects a person inside. You don't want a relationship like that. You want to be with someone that you don't have to hide.
Sure, you COULD "just" go ahead and have an affair, as someone suggested. Lots of people do. But ... they aren't always fun. What people don't realize about "just" having an affair is that it often leaves you even sadder than before BECAUSE of the dishonesty of it all.
Even if you don't have feelings involved, which you both obviously do, it feels bad deep down to be involved with someone in a dishonest way. You may think you can box off those feelings and just get your kicks and move on, but it wears on you to have an affair because it takes a lot of emotional energy to constantly cover your tracks.
Plus it can be really unsatisfying to be that closely connected to someone you can't have.
That's why you need to stop fooling yourself about this situation and see it for what it is.
I appreciate what you are saying. And I do already feel a bit unsatisfied as we are quite close and it does feel frustrating as I'm always wondering does he feel that way or is it just friendly. Which is why I posted here cos I am sick of questioning it in my mind. And being so unsure about what to do or not to do
That has nothing to do with my statement. Originally, you said this, "The gym facility don't know... it just looks like we're training most the time unless we were being watched closely."
What I'm indicating is that they DO know. You are only fooling yourself if you believe otherwise.
That's really the crux of this entire episode and most episodes when cheating is involved.
You're only really fooling yourself.
ETA: If the younger trainers are worse, then you are REALLY in the wrong place. However, I somehow doubt your premise is true, but you would like to believe that to prop up your own behavior.
I don't mean any disrespect and I understand what you are saying but it really doesn't matter either way if the gym knows or not.
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