Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But as many keep telling you, sometimes people won't leave it at polite. You give a simple "I am not interested" or "I don't see this going anywhere."
Then they make things drawn out when they want to press for more info. Why? Why? Why? So then you have to get blunt and give the the answer they pushed you for. Now they're offended and unhappy, which may lead to them making a scene or trying to purposely insult you just to save face and get the last word in. So they do things to themselves, then try to drag you down as well because they insisted on having the truth, but couldn't handle it.
This happened to me once. Guy insisted on flirting with me and asking me out. I give a smile and tell him simply that I am not interested. Did that deter him any? Nope. He still insists on trying to spit game. So finally I had to tell him, I didn't find him attractive because he was fat. And for a min. even that didn't deter him, until I started to ignore and avoid him.
So yes. You can not always give a simple polite answer and leave it at that. People want a complete critique of why you are not interested. And that info does nobody any good. if they're not interested, why the need to know details. Not like giving them will make anybody interested.
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
596 posts, read 627,971 times
Reputation: 683
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
The cold hard truth is that sometimes some people suck, they are boring and they suck.
What are you supposed to say... "It's not you, it's me, You are fabulous and I just am not in a place right now to be in a relationship... I just don't think I have the courage to allow my heart to be with you... you are great, no, no really, it's just me... I just don't have it in me to go there, I thought I did, but I don't"
Or some crap like that, when in reality it is you... you suck, you're boring, your breath stinks... whatever, and people come back at you with friggin platitudes...... just ghost me... don't give me a bunch of horsehyt.... LOL...
People give all this importance to honesty, but it's crrap... most people really don't want honesty, they say they do, but they don't.
"Honestly... you're a stupid idiot and I couldn't imagine spending more time with you." LOL... do people really think that that would fly.
Some people are so full of crap it's amazing to me..... Honesty... people don't want real true honesty.... LOL.....
What an immature, and incredibly selfish outlook.
You can tell people with kindness and respect that hey, I'm just not feeling a connection. Who even suggested you needed to go to the great lengths you suggest and tear someone down.
Why are you so pissy and aggressive? It's honestly ridiculous.
How's that different from ghosting though? You are still basically ignoring someone to get a message across that you want nothing to do with them. Just with ghosting upfront, you cut out the middle man of all the arguing and drama and annoyance form someone who couldn't leave well enough alone.
And apparently, for some, telling someone you're not interested over the phone or text is cowardly. So you have to do it in person, where you are even more vulnerable to them making a scene.
And as mentioned, if it's only a few dates, then who cares. it'd be different if you were in a solid relationship for months or years on end, then decided to ghost on them lol Now THAT I would be lowdown.
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
596 posts, read 627,971 times
Reputation: 683
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
Okay, but...why be mad? Assume you dodged a bad relationship (bad for you) and move on. Not everyone does this perfectly. As for false hope and so on, how much hope could you have invested by that point??? Unless you're saying you had a full-on many months long relationship and the person suddenly fell off the face of the earth, in which case you'd probably be filing a report...but otherwise, if you're getting that invested that early on...that much is on you, I'm sorry to say.
Assume any new person you don't know well is just that - someone who's new and whom you don't know well. Don't put your heart into it when you don't even really know this person yet, and after a few weeks or a month or two or three, you don't.
It has nothing about being mad. Geeze I seriously think some of you people lack compassion. I just wanted to be considerate to the guy because he was asking me out on another date and I didn't want to be rude and ignore him.
Some people always wanna throw or fight back when you give them even the slightest ammo. So ghosting or ignoring will be the only thing that stops them, because with you not giving them any time of day, they have got nothing to work with. You can't make a sale with customers who pay you no mind.
Yup. And sometimes the best move is to just back away sloowwwly.
It has nothing about being mad. Geeze I seriously think some of you people lack compassion. I just wanted to be considerate to the guy because he was asking me out on another date and I didn't want to be rude and ignore him.
So why make a thread about it? Just do what you feel is right and move on. Not everything needs to be a monumental production.
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
596 posts, read 627,971 times
Reputation: 683
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate
But as many keep telling you, sometimes people won't leave it at polite. You give a simple "I am not interested" or "I don't see this going anywhere."
Then they make things drawn out when they want to press for more info. Why? Why? Why? So then you have to get blunt and give the the answer they pushed you for. Now they're offended and unhappy, which may lead to them making a scene or trying to purposely insult you just to save face and get the last word in. So they do things to themselves, then try to drag you down as well because they insisted on having the truth, but couldn't handle it.
This happened to me once. Guy insisted on flirting with me and asking me out. I give a smile and tell him simply that I am not interested. Did that stop him any? Nope. He still insists on trying to spit game. So finally I had to tell him, I didn't find him attractive because he was fat. And for a min. even that didn't phase him, until I started to ignore and avoid him.
Some people always wanna throw or fight back when you give them even the slightest ammo. So ghosting or ignoring will be the only thing that stops them, because with you not giving them any time of day, they have got nothing to work with. You can't make a sale with customers who pay you no mind.
So yes. You can not always give a simple polite answer and leave it at that. People want a complete critique of why you are not interested. And that info does nobody any good. if they're not interested, why the need to know details. Not like giving them will make anybody interested.
And as many other people keep explaining, some prefer being direct. In fact most of the posters opting for ghosting don't even have a horror story of how someone blew a gasket and lost it the moment they told them "thanks but no thanks." Most people will normally take the hint when you tell them you are not interested because their ego is already damaged, some may be embarrassed and so many people will try to remove themselves from the situation as soon as possible. I think the biggest fear comes internally, we assume the conversation will be awkward because we are doing the rejection and no one wants or likes rejection, so it makes us cringe.
But I don't think many of us who ghost do it with the thought in mind that we are doing the other person a favor. It's the equivalent of breaking up with someone over text message or on fb (which strangely happens a lot more than people think.)
It has nothing about being mad. Geeze I seriously think some of you people lack compassion. I just wanted to be considerate to the guy because he was asking me out on another date and I didn't want to be rude and ignore him.
I don't know how to explain that...you just sound angry. Really, really angry. I feel as if that could be what's making these guys up and disappear. I can't know that for a fact, obviously. But very often, when people are angry deep down, it shows even if they think they're not "saying" anything negative or "acting" a certain way. It just sort of shows no matter what.
I could be totally off base with this one but honestly, even answering on this thread I'm sort of peeking with one eye to see how badly I'm going to get slammed by you for speaking out and that to me says a lot. I just wonder if your prospective dates are sensing that and backing off, because they don't know you, so they don't know what your anger limits might be...so to speak. You're a total stranger. So perhaps they're just closing their eyes and hoping if they leave quietly you'll forget all about it? I don't know...I hope this is making sense even in some small way. And I am not trying to be mean. We don't always know how we're coming off and this may be TOTALLY contrary to your actual nature, which would make it all the more important that you realize how it all sounds.
I do have compassion. It's no fun to get "ghosted," but it may not be any fun for the other person either. Dating isn't such an easy thing. Nobody has a rule book and nobody does it 100% perfectly. I kind of feel like you'e the one who can't have any compassion, or at least, any understanding.
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
596 posts, read 627,971 times
Reputation: 683
Quote:
Originally Posted by palmandsea
Not to be rude but I can see why someone might ghost you. This is an internet forum, why are you so angry? It's an opinion! YOU are scary.
No one ghosted me. I asked should I ghost someone because the direct approach just gave him the hint to keep trying.
I'm angry with Chowhound because he is accusing me of calling posters whores for choosing to have sex and I never did that. Of course I am going to be angry and I have every right to be angry. Chowhound has been upset from the very first page because I said I thought ghosting was disgusting and he has done it.
So if you want to be sassy, at least read before commenting and making remarks on something that you don't even have the full picture for.
Sorry, but ghosting is a chicken****, childish act, regardless if the gal or guy does it!!!
Maybe I'm just one of the small few, but if a woman says, "Thanks but no thanks", I walk and not look back. I will at least thank her for her honesty.
Agreed!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Not everyone does this perfectly. 
Really, really angry. I feel as if that could be what's making these guys up and disappear. I can't know that for a fact, obviously. But very often, when people are angry deep down, it shows even if they think they're not "saying" anything negative or "acting" a certain way. It just sort of shows no matter what.
