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I'm speaking of history as you have written it.
So yes, I can speak of what I know. It does not involve anything I need to know of you personally to understand one action left alone creates an equal and equally unwanted one.
The answer is pretty simple and like all things in life will requires some from of personal action or sacrifice to aquire, but will never guarantee you will always get it.
Act how you want to be treated. It sets the standards for those your surround yourself with as to how they will treat you.
In this case, don't become a ghost and you can't become ghosted
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
596 posts, read 628,235 times
Reputation: 683
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123
In this case, don't become a ghost and you can't become ghosted.
This is why your posts made no sense, because you are talking about one thing and I have been talking about something different. Reread the OP. I was never ghosted on.
This is why your posts made no sense, because you are talking about one thing and I have been talking about something different. Reread the OP. I was never ghosted on.
The confusion here is pretty obvious, but let me explain.
Your overreactions to the idea of ghosting would cause anyone with even a passing familiarity with human nature to believe you HAD been ghosted.
Not everything in communication is spoken directly. MUCH of communication involves suggestion, intimation, logical assumptions and so on. If we literally had to say every single part of every single thing we were thinking, language would be so unwieldy as to pretty much be non-functional.
I find it impossible that a communications major doesn't know this. I'll ask my husband. That was actually his major. But a huge portion of it was (obviously and necessarily) psychology. I am explaining it because I'm giving you the benefit of a doubt - perhaps you really don't understand where people got this (extremely logical) assumption from.
It has nothing to do with "lying," "twisting" or any other emotionally charged, reactive wording. It has to do with human nature, normal verbal (written) interaction, and normal assumptions.
Quote:
But sure, carry on with that response style.
Logic? I will, as it only makes sense. I think you prefer the emotional/reactive and that's your "response style," at least right now. People are all different.
Quote:
I'm just trying to help you not look like an ass
A drowning woman should not be throwing someone else a life preserver.
This is why your posts made no sense, because you are talking about one thing and I have been talking about something different. Reread the OP. I was never ghosted on.
I'm sorry, I don't believe a pathological history of this behavior happening is purely a one sided affair.
For the odd occurrence with no previous history shared between the two people but a few dates, I could only make my best assumptions as to what may be going on in someone's everyday life and mindset as to why they have difficulty in accepting there is no shared interests.
It's all connected assuming you are not dealing with an indivual with general acceptance issues not taking the situation seriously.
Lol, so he wouldn't date another scorpio because he had a bad experience with one? People aren't defined by their birth months.
I like astrology, but I would never in a million years let that interfere with my dating life. That's completely insane...
But there are for each zodiac sign basic characteristics, positive and negative ones, and this is actually correct.
Sure there are also other variables that play into the makeup of one's personality, but when I met people of the same zodiac sign they had astonishingly the same annoying negative traits, it was really baffling to me!
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
596 posts, read 628,235 times
Reputation: 683
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
The confusion here is pretty obvious, but let me explain.
Your overreactions to the idea of ghosting would cause anyone with even a passing familiarity with human nature to believe you HAD been ghosted.
Not everything in communication is spoken directly. MUCH of communication involves suggestion, intimation, logical assumptions and so on. If we literally had to say every single part of every single thing we were thinking, language would be so unwieldy as to pretty much be non-functional.
I find it impossible that a communications major doesn't know this. I'll ask my husband. That was actually his major. But a huge portion of it was (obviously and necessarily) psychology. I am explaining it because I'm giving you the benefit of a doubt - perhaps you really don't understand where people got this (extremely logical) assumption from.
It has nothing to do with "lying," "twisting" or any other emotionally charged, reactive wording. It has to do with human nature, normal verbal (written) interaction, and normal assumptions.
Logic? I will, as it only makes sense.
Not at all. I just think ghosting is mean. I think ignoring people is mean. Initially, I was being sarcastic with Chowhound because he was getting so bent out of shape over my word choice. I humored him and told him I was a Communications/Drama major, but he didn't take that I was pulling his leg. When I came back online today this thread had went from 2 pages to over 10 pages, most of which was him ranting about my adjective of choice for ghosting.
It's a word. I get people do it. I understand that life happens. I hate lying but I have lied. I generally try not to lie because I hate it, but I get that it happens. Same thing for ghosting.
However, here is where the issue lies...you come onto this thread, not reading it in its entirety yet believe you then have room to come to conclusions...
You wrote "It has nothing to do with "lying," "twisting" or any other emotionally charged, reactive wording. It has to do with human nature, normal verbal (written) interaction, and normal assumptions."
^^Those comments about "lying, twisting" words weren't in relation to ghosting, they were not in relation to this thread. Those comments were aimed at Chowhound who accused me of calling someone a ***** in another thread. Something I did not do, but because he was so bent out of shape on us not sharing the same opinion, he decided to bring up in unrelated thread and tell a story.
Truth is, you and several other posters, have just hopped into this thread, ignoring the OP and have gathered what you "thought" this thread was about based upon other posts.
I wasn't actually going to bring this up myself, but yes. This does happen and it does burn a person. Being pressed and pressed with "but whys?" and "Well then can we just (X, Y, Z) instead?" and then when you do agree to that CASUAL coffee or the meeting up to hand him back that stupid book he lent you or whatever (because he keeps "but why"ing you and you're trying to be explanatory, not be a jerk who just ignores...right?), he turns it around later with an accusation that that must have meant you really did want to go out with him and...blah...blah...blah.
It might result in a sense of annoyance, or it might actually be pretty much yelling...I've had this happen...pretty darned rare, probably only once or twice but ouch. Especially for the young and/or inexperienced (IMO), after a pretty bad "just say no" which isn't taken as such or which is rebelled against loudly, angrily or whatever, a person might just be scared off and try to be more subtle next time...or worst case scenario, might ghost.
Things can get VERY uncomfortable literally saying "no" to some people and it's not always easy to tell which people will react badly and which will be cool about it.
I'm not offering excuses and I'm not in love with ghosting myself but demonizing someone for doing so is kind of over the top, IMO. That person has his/her reasons. Think it really is because s/he is just a jerk? Great. Then the ghosting should hurt even less. Either way, saying nothing at all actually sends a pretty clear message. So just move on, what have you really lost? Were the china pattern and reception centerpieces all picked out already or something?
LOL, exactly, then people who do not accept rejection come up with
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
596 posts, read 628,235 times
Reputation: 683
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123
I'm sorry, I don't believe a pathological history of this behavior happening is purely a one sided affair.
For the odd occurrence with no previous history shared between the two people but a few dates, I could only make my best assumptions as to what may be going on in someone's everyday life and mindset as to why they have difficulty in accepting there is no shared interests.
It's all connected assuming you are not dealing with an indivual with general acceptance issues not taking the situation seriously.
Yes, because we met on Tinder. Conversation wise, it was great into the weeks that we were talking online. We talked online for 3 weeks, by the time he asked me out, my interest had already waned but I agreed to see him. After our date it was more clear that I didn't feel anything. I tried to give it a chance but when I realized I wasn't really committed to the idea of seeing where things went, I told him. This and the other guys are not men I have dated for months on end, we are talking at a max 3 dates, with consistent, yet cordial communication. No sex. No kissing. No talks of wanting a long term relationship or marriage.
So it is purely one sided. Which is why I have begun to wonder if maybe guys are just better at handling being ignored, rather than being told by a woman they aren't interested. The former seems like it opens up the door for a man to think there is a chance later down the road.
Whereas for females, at least what I have noticed with my friends is that ghosting leaves questions of "maybe they'll come back, or maybe they're busy," and the possibility that maybe...just maybe something can be rekindled. However, the direct, "I'm not interested" seems to shut off that area of imagination so to speak haha.
But as many keep telling you, sometimes people won't leave it at polite. You give a simple "I am not interested" or "I don't see this going anywhere."
Then they make things drawn out when they want to press for more info. Why? Why? Why? So then you have to get blunt and give the the answer they pushed you for. Now they're offended and unhappy, which may lead to them making a scene or trying to purposely insult you just to save face and get the last word in. So they do things to themselves, then try to drag you down as well because they insisted on having the truth, but couldn't handle it.
This happened to me once. Guy insisted on flirting with me and asking me out. I give a smile and tell him simply that I am not interested. Did that stop him any? Nope. He still insists on trying to spit game. So finally I had to tell him, I didn't find him attractive because he was fat. And for a min. even that didn't phase him, until I started to ignore and avoid him.
Some people always wanna throw or fight back when you give them even the slightest ammo. So ghosting or ignoring will be the only thing that stops them, because with you not giving them any time of day, they have got nothing to work with. You can't make a sale with customers who pay you no mind.
So yes. You can not always give a simple polite answer and leave it at that. People want a complete critique of why you are not interested. And that info does nobody any good. if they're not interested, why the need to know details. Not like giving them will make anybody interested.
You explained it best.
Then some men have also heard that
"women say NO, only in the beginning, because they enjoy the chase!
So, they insist.
You can tell people with kindness and respect that hey, I'm just not feeling a connection. Who even suggested you needed to go to the great lengths you suggest and tear someone down.
Why are you so pissy and aggressive? It's honestly ridiculous.
Chow does not mean to be pissy or aggressive, he just puts a bit of humor in it!
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I will, as it only makes sense. I think you prefer the emotional/reactive and that's your "response style," at least right now. People are all different. 
