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I actually wish I would be told why I get rejected. It would make me feel better. I have been with a guy on a few dates and then I told him my birth date and he said his ex was a scorpio and he cannot deal with another. Okay . I can deal with that. If he would have just ghosted I would wonder what I did wrong and overanalyze.
Lol, so he wouldn't date another scorpio because he had a bad experience with one? People aren't defined by their birth months.
I like astrology, but I would never in a million years let that interfere with my dating life. That's completely insane...
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,067,254 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356
But you can just tell the person that you're not interested anymore without going into detail. There's a way to do both.
That's what is so lacking among so many people's point of views on here; any subtlety or tact. One can absolutely be honest, without being a blunt jerk.
A couple of months ago I receive a message after asking for a third date. First went great. Second was very meh. Asked anyway, response: "Hi _____, you seem like a great guy, but this isn't the connection I'm looking for." Simple. Wished her luck in her search, she did the same. The end.
That's what is so lacking among so many people's point of views on here; any subtlety or tact. One can absolutely be honest, without being a blunt jerk.
A couple of months ago I receive a message after asking for a third date. First went great. Second was very meh. Asked anyway, response: "Hi _____, you seem like a great guy, but this isn't the connection I'm looking for." Simple. Wished her luck in her search, she did the same. The end.
Yeah, the more I think about it I don't actually 'ghost' until the pleasantries and 'wish you luck' stuff has not worked. If they continue to press, and even get critical, then no response is necessary. IMO
That's what is so lacking among so many people's point of views on here; any subtlety or tact. One can absolutely be honest, without being a blunt jerk.
A couple of months ago I receive a message after asking for a third date. First went great. Second was very meh. Asked anyway, response: "Hi _____, you seem like a great guy, but this isn't the connection I'm looking for." Simple. Wished her luck in her search, she did the same. The end.
Exactly. A couple of years back, a woman I had met via OkCupid did the same, and I actually had thanked her for being upfront with me.
Lol, some people prefer to just ghost away, because they expect too much drama, and not a clean cut, like ghosting gives.
Many people who are let go do not let it be and say.."ok, good luck to you and have a nice life." some want to know the reason,.... "tell me ..."why, why, why...!" they ask for THE reason, and cannot let go and some get quite stalkerish.
So, sometimes ghosting is the easier way.
I wasn't actually going to bring this up myself, but yes. This does happen and it does burn a person. Being pressed and pressed with "but whys?" and "Well then can we just (X, Y, Z) instead?" and then when you do agree to that CASUAL coffee or the meeting up to hand him back that stupid book he lent you or whatever (because he keeps "but why"ing you and you're trying to be explanatory, not be a jerk who just ignores...right?), he turns it around later with an accusation that that must have meant you really did want to go out with him and...blah...blah...blah.
It might result in a sense of annoyance, or it might actually be pretty much yelling...I've had this happen...pretty darned rare, probably only once or twice but ouch. Especially for the young and/or inexperienced (IMO), after a pretty bad "just say no" which isn't taken as such or which is rebelled against loudly, angrily or whatever, a person might just be scared off and try to be more subtle next time...or worst case scenario, might ghost.
Things can get VERY uncomfortable literally saying "no" to some people and it's not always easy to tell which people will react badly and which will be cool about it.
I'm not offering excuses and I'm not in love with ghosting myself but demonizing someone for doing so is kind of over the top, IMO. That person has his/her reasons. Think it really is because s/he is just a jerk? Great. Then the ghosting should hurt even less. Either way, saying nothing at all actually sends a pretty clear message. So just move on, what have you really lost? Were the china pattern and reception centerpieces all picked out already or something?
I'm not offering excuses and I'm not in love with ghosting myself but demonizing someone for doing so is kind of over the top, IMO. That person has his/her reasons. Think it really is because s/he is just a jerk? Great. Then the ghosting should hurt even less. Either way, saying nothing at all actually sends a pretty clear message. So just move on, what have you really lost? Were the china pattern and reception centerpieces all picked out already or something?
This is the way I'm seeing it too.
The expectation of closure after three or four dates leads me to think that too much is being emotionally invested too soon.
What are you supposed to say... "It's not you, it's me, You are fabulous and I just am not in a place right now to be in a relationship... I just don't think I have the courage to allow my heart to be with you... you are great, no, no really, it's just me... I just don't have it in me to go there, I thought I did, but I don't"
OMG...
...so that was YOU.
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. I can deal with that. If he would have just ghosted I would wonder what I did wrong and overanalyze.
