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Okay here's the thing, whenever I try to be honest and upfront with a guy (which is often) he ends up taking my "hey, I am not interested" as "I am totally interested."
But whenever I have ignored a guy, he has taken the hint and left me alone for good. So men, what gives??
You all say you hate when women ghost yet dont take the hint when we tell you to YOUR FACE we dont like you. Whereas most women dont take the hint with ghosting but we often accept it when you tell us to our face directly, you are not interested.
Just observations.
But anyway, I am on my 3rd guy who has done this. I have told them "I am sorry but I just am not interested," and they will give it a few weeks and then BAM send me a stream of text, as if I did not tell them before how I was not interested.
I always appreciate it if they just tell me instead of leaving me wondering. I understand thought that some guys have ego issues and can't take no for an answer.
Treat people with the same respect you want to receive.
This won't insure you WILL get it becuase you are dealing with various moods and demeanors when associating with people other than yourself, but it serves to help you remain someone the "good people" of the world will want to gravitate to and place trust towards.
If you are a genuine ******* that doesn't care about anything or anyone else when they are not giving you something you seek or desire. you can't complain when your world sucks to live in, you helped create it.
all this said, I find the majority of people who do "the fade out" to others not to be bad people. I find them to be shy or people who find it extremely hard to face things directly as they get lost on the road getting to the point and overload their mind. They fizzle when the anxiety of the circumstance takes hold and the easiest option becomes to disassociate to avoid rather than be faced with not only dealing with "the original issue" but their own anxieties on top of it.
Last edited by rego00123; 08-08-2016 at 01:45 PM..
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
596 posts, read 629,394 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123
Treat people with the same respect you want to receive.
This won't insure you WILL get it becuase you are dealing with various moods and demeanors when associating with people other than yourself, but it serves to help you remain someone the "good people" of the world will want to gravitate to and place trust towards.
If you are a genuine ******* that doesn't care about anything or anyone else when they are not giving you something you seek or desire. you can't complain when your world sucks to live in, you helped create it.
Wtf are you talking about?
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123
all this said, I find the majority of people who do "the fade out" to others not to be bad people. I find them to be shy or people who find it extremely hard to face things directly as they get lost on the road getting to the point and overload their mind. They fizzle when the anxiety of the circumstance takes hold and the easiest option becomes to disassociate to avoid rather than be faced with not only dealing with "the original issue" but their own anxieties on top of it.
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
596 posts, read 629,394 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
That's what is so lacking among so many people's point of views on here; any subtlety or tact. One can absolutely be honest, without being a blunt jerk.
A couple of months ago I receive a message after asking for a third date. First went great. Second was very meh. Asked anyway, response: "Hi _____, you seem like a great guy, but this isn't the connection I'm looking for." Simple. Wished her luck in her search, she did the same. The end.
Exactly. People try to pretend as if there needs to be a long drawn out conversation. It can be as simple and polite as this. No one is saying tear someone down or verbally assault them. Which is why, I think it is the minimum a person should do when they have gone on a few dates with someone is simply extend the courtesy of saying "hey, it was great meeting you but I am looking for something else and wish you the best in your search."
The reason I told the guy in the OP that I was not interested was because he was gearing up to make plans to take me on another date. I didn't want to lead him on, on have him waste time making plans (possibly reservations, etc.) or just believing this was going to lead to something when I knew my interest had waned.
Exactly. To me the peoplr who argue for it are just too **** scared and or self absorbed to care about the other person involved. Now if it is one date or the person seems crazy, sure I csn see ehy you would rather ghost than risk confrontation but in general, once you start having another person's feelings involved it is just polite to end it on diplomatic terms. Ignoring the person is just cold and it can leave with an array of questions as to what happened or falsehope, ehich is why my direct responsr to him i ASSUMED eould work but I guess I need to ghost him lol
OMG, I must have closure for this meaningful relationship that lasted all of 4 dates!!!
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
The OP is way madder than the subject matter would dictate.
I almost wish I could somehow ghost her just to get more of a rise out of her. LOL...
People need to calm the F down a bit... some dude not calling you back isn't the end of the damn world...jezus people.....
Sweetie, let's get one thing straight. You are on MY thread. You have made MORE posts on this thread than I have. The only person in their feelings here is you.
I made a choice to use one word, and you deciding to do a damn thesis on it, dissect it, analyze it and get angry over it, when the real subject matter is not about whether the ghoster is a bad person, it is about whether MEN are better equip to handle rejection when it is straight and direct or better accepting a woman disappearing.
So no love, you need to calm down and refocus. I humored you but you got your panties in bunch all over one word.
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rent.in.nyc
Again, hilarious post.
But, Morena said she is not very experienced, I think she still has to build up a thicker skin, and not get too emotional, also here on the forums.
Why are you pacifying him?
He's done more bitching on this thread than anyone. I haven't gotten emotional on anything, you all have hopped focus on one thing that has very little to do with my question, which is why don't guys seem to take the hint when you vocally tell them you are not interested, BUT will take it when you disappear on them.
The two of you however have been going back and forth about the character trait of a ghoster. I shared my opinion on it and quite frankly I don't care if Chowhound agrees or not, clearly that is his preference in handling romantic situations. To me that's crummy but that's my opinion. So please, let's not try to flip the script here.
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
596 posts, read 629,394 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WannaBeNSoCal
I prefer a more direct approach. I have less respect for people who "ghost" me. To me, that implies that you have such little respect for me that I am not even worth the time it would take to explain why you wish to cease contact with me. In that case, I often toy with them since it makes me want to show them even less respect.
I've only had this happen once so far, most women I date come back for a second date, but I am very choosy with my women and most of the time let them do most of the pursuit. If I am no longer interested, I let them down as graciously as possible since that is the proper thing to do.
Exactly. People try to pretend as if there needs to be a long drawn out conversation. It can be as simple and polite as this. No one is saying tear someone down or verbally assault them. Which is why, I think it is the minimum a person should do when they have gone on a few dates with someone is simply extend the courtesy of saying "hey, it was great meeting you but I am looking for something else and wish you the best in your search."
The reason I told the guy in the OP that I was not interested was because he was gearing up to make plans to take me on another date. I didn't want to lead him on, on have him waste time making plans (possibly reservations, etc.) or just believing this was going to lead to something when I knew my interest had waned.
But as many keep telling you, sometimes people won't leave it at polite. You give a simple "I am not interested" or "I don't see this going anywhere."
Then they make things drawn out when they want to press for more info. Why? Why? Why? So then you have to get blunt and give the the answer they pushed you for. Now they're offended and unhappy, which may lead to them making a scene or trying to purposely insult you just to save face and get the last word in. So they do things to themselves, then try to drag you down as well because they insisted on having the truth, but couldn't handle it.
This happened to me once. Guy insisted on flirting with me and asking me out. I give a smile and tell him simply that I am not interested. Did that stop him any? Nope. He still insists on trying to spit game. So finally I had to tell him, I didn't find him attractive because he was fat. And for a min. even that didn't phase him, until I started to ignore and avoid him.
Some people always wanna throw or fight back when you give them even the slightest ammo. So ghosting or ignoring will be the only thing that stops them, because with you not giving them any time of day, they have got nothing to work with. You can't make a sale with customers who pay you no mind.
So yes. You can not always give a simple polite answer and leave it at that. People want a complete critique of why you are not interested. And that info does nobody any good. if they're not interested, why the need to know details. Not like giving them will make anybody interested.
I'm not aware of this dynamic you speak of. I think in a way I would probably prefer the ghosting vs the other.
At least with ghosting at some point you sorta figure it out and don't have to hear that you "pretty much suck and I'm not interested in you speech." Although it's wrapped up a little more pleasant than that, but that's really what it means at the end of the day.
I agree with the OP, Chow, that "thanks, but no thanks" doesn't mean "you suck". It usually only means "you're not my type". That could mean anything; from "we have little, if anything, in common" to "you look too much like my ex, sorry" or "I prefer geeky types", or whatever. It's not a value judgment.
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