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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony
Why did does she get turned off, when I refuse to give her money tell her that she shouldn't sell my ring, but then she just asks me out for a day out on the town, a few minutes later?
Because she is keeping you on the string until she gets what she wants. DUUUUUUHHHHHH.
I mean I tried to ascertain where she stands on coming up with a budget plan, what I mean to her, when it comes to selling the ring, and all that.
But then a few minutes after she seems turned off and wants to go to work, she then asks me to go for a walk in the park on our day off, and take some pictures, since we are both into photography.
I am so confused. Why did does she get turned off, when I refuse to give her money tell her that she shouldn't sell my ring, but then she just asks me out for a day out on the town, a few minutes later?
OMG! My grand-niece in 4th grade could tell you the answer to that.
She is ignoring what she does not want to hear (let's make a budget) and then conning you by saying something nice.
And, again, I am really not joking. I bet if my 10 year old grand-niece would read what you wrote, without reading anyone else's comments, she would say "His girl friend does not love him. She is only using him for money." And, I also bet that the 10 year old would also say "I don't think that she is looking for another job or trying to earn extra money. She just wants him to give her money."
If your GF couldn't fool a 10 year old how come you, a grown man, don't "get it"?
Well they are her unpleasant issues, and not mine, so if she chooses to ignore her own issues, does that mean she will move on, or will she let them come back?
Well they are her unpleasant issues, and not mine, so if she chooses to ignore her own issues, does that mean she will move on, or will she let them come back?
What? Augh! Move on to what? I don't understand the question.
Look, she's no good with money. Agreed? That is her nature. It's part of who she is. That part of her isn't going to change. Does that answer your question? I'm not sure. But from her perspective, you're creating issues where (from her perspective) there don't need to be any, because (from her perspective) you could just write a check and pay everything off with your magic wand. Instead of doing that, you (from her perspective) are creating obstacles by calmly, rationally, analyzing the situation and suggesting a budget and payment plan. From her perspective, you're being difficult and uncooperative.
That will never change. Her perspective will never change, illogical as it is. Take it or leave it. Those are your choices. Transforming her into a financially responsible person is not an option. It is not possible. It will never be possible.
She's not taking you seriously when it comes to the money issues. She's dismissing how you feel about it, as if it's not important to the relationship. She's playing a game of "If I ignore the unpleasant issues, maybe they will go away".
Sorry I was responding to this, and this is what I meant.
Well, I asked others opinions and one person said that I am doing enough to come up with a budget sheet for her spending, to show that I am serious, and this is why she feels I am pulling the rug out from under her. So therefore, I thought maybe that was the cause of her reaction, to go cold and change the subject.
Sorry I was responding to this, and this is what I meant.
Well, I asked others opinions and one person said that I am doing enough to come up with a budget sheet for her spending, to show that I am serious, and this is why she feels I am pulling the rug out from under her. So therefore, I thought maybe that was the cause of her reaction, to go cold and change the subject.
Yes. Your refusal to write her a check for $300, and to propose a budget and payment plan instead, was the cause of her reaction.
So the question is: Is this what you want for your life? Is this the type of spouse you want? That's the question you need to answer for yourself.
If you want to break up with her, you need to be decisive. You need to be sure of yourself. She may try to argue with you (stand firm, and don't even entertain any arguments: say your mind is made up, and it's over), or she may get emotional: crying or throwing up, or whatever. You can tell her that she has made it quite clear that she needs someone who is ok with her spending habits, and you aren't that person. The end.
But you have to be very sure of how you feel about it, or she'll sense some weakness.
Well based on what others have said over the months about her, I think I want to break up, and it's the best thing.
Based on what others have said? What about your own experience? What does that tell you about what you should do?
You're not answering the question, "Is this what you want for your life". When you imagine the next 40 years of your life, can you see yourself living with her spendy ways, her demands, her dramatic emotions? Would you be ok with supporting her father? What about having kids; she'd have the perfect excuse not to work, and to go on buying sprees for baby stuff, kiddie clothes, etc. When you picture her in your life, being realistic, does it feel like a dream come true? Do you see yourself being happy?
Based on what others have said? What about your own experience? What does that tell you about what you should do?
You're not answering the question, "Is this what you want for your life". When you imagine the next 40 years of your life, can you see yourself living with her spendy ways, her demands, her dramatic emotions? Would you be ok with supporting her father? What about having kids; she'd have the perfect excuse not to work, and to go on buying sprees for baby stuff, kiddie clothes, etc. When you picture her in your life, being realistic, does it feel like a dream come true? Do you see yourself being happy?
^^^ This. She's using you for your money and then getting mad when you don't do exactly what she wants. Sounds like an awful way to spend the rest of your life.
OP, are you one of those men who have a hard time attracting women or being alone? I ask this because if you were not one of those people you would've dumped her a long time ago and found someone else.
Look at the real root of this problem, she is not going to change but from all of these threads you have made it seems that you're clinging to this toxic relationship because:
1. In your mind it validates your self-worth. You may be scared to be alone and feel like a loser if you don't have a girlfriend.
2. You are not someone who attracts women easily and it may be hard to find another woman. So you stay in this relationship no matter how poisonous it is because of number 1.
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