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You guys are taking it to the extreme. If someone asks me out, I'm going to assume they will pay. Same goes if I ask someone out - I should expect to pay. Both scenarios have happened to me and there was no issue. Now if you are going out a lot, then yes the bills should be split or you alternate who pays. Being looked at like a mooch if someone asks ME out on a date and I don't make a token gesture of splitting it or paying is not cool and I wouldn't want to associate with someone who plays those games.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I don't expect or want to go dutch, especially early on. I asked, I treat. I do like good manners, and I don't like people "assuming" I will pay or taking it for granted. When I'm asked out I never "assume" they are treating, though it is nice when they do.
I don't know, when I'm invited over to someone's house for dinner I always bring something (wine, dessert, etc) to. It is just proper manners. Dating really isn't any different.
But again, the extreme here is that this scenario wasn't about a first date, or second date, but about taking taking taking taking without ever offering again and again, and yes, that is being a mooch.
You guys are taking it to the extreme. If someone asks me out, I'm going to assume they will pay. Same goes if I ask someone out - I should expect to pay. Both scenarios have happened to me and there was no issue. Now if you are going out a lot, then yes the bills should be split or you alternate who pays. Being looked at like a mooch if someone asks ME out on a date and I don't make a token gesture of splitting it or paying is not cool and I wouldn't want to associate with someone who plays those games.
i don't think you read the whole thread. It is not about a meal. It is about $$$$$$$$$$$ on meals, trips, resorts, gas, .............. over the course of several months. We are not talking about $50.
And he didn't always ask her out, she made weekend plans with him in resorts and HE was expected to pay. So SHE asked HIM out also, but he had to pay.
I agree that in the OP's case she is taking advantage. But I was addressing the posts implying that if you don't offer to pay even if someone asks you out and it's very early on, then you're a mooch.
But he is also at fault for doing all that so early with her. If he couldn't really afford all that, he should have puked back, which I guess he is now doing.
Gets what? That it is ok to take, take, take without reciprocity?
Well if that is who you want to be, more power to you.
It is not a token gesture if the person wants to pay
What type of people do you all know???
No, it's not take, take, take. You ask, I go on your dime. When something comes along that I can afford or have an interest in taking you to I ask and I expect it to be on my dime. Reciprocating AT SOME POINT and in some manner is expected, but to judge people as mooches if they don't whip out their wallet and offer what is basically a cash payback at the end of every date, what kind of people do you all know?
Dating is different than going to dinner at someone's home and bringing a hostess gift, going to a birthday party and bring a gift is different too. Different situations have different rules and there is no rule that says offering a cash 'kickback' at the end of every date is expected.
Let's not forget, too, that in the OP's case, some of the dinners and events were HER idea. But she always expected him to pay. It was a "hey, wanna go to the X concert this weekend?" kind of thing. They'd both spontaneously suggest outings. And now we know why she "let" him pay every time; she was broke and had major debt. If the OP had had the affordability conversation earlier, he'd have found that out. And of course, she, too, could have offered the info early on, but she may have had the impression he could well afford the luxuries.
Let's not forget, too, that in the OP's case, some of the dinners and events were HER idea. But she always expected him to pay. It was a "hey, wanna go to the X concert this weekend?" kind of thing. They'd both spontaneously suggest outings. And now we know why she "let" him pay every time; she was broke and had major debt. If the OP had had the affordability conversation earlier, he'd have found that out. And of course, she, too, could have offered the info early on, but she may have had the impression he could well afford the luxuries.
I can't help but wonder how these lavish dates were really agreed upon. He said that she suggested some of the ideas, but he was vague about the how the conversations happened. I wouldn't be surprised if he initiated the idea of a date or going away for a weekend and then put the decision making up to her, as far as where they went. When I was dating, many guys did that to me when they asked me out, and I always found it awkward. Example:
That last line is the key. I think most people here seem to associate with rather low class, impolite, individuals routinely and they see it as the norm. The behavior I've read about on this forum is just jaw dropping. Never encountered or heard about anything similar to 90% of it in all my years.
That says it for me.
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