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Can you give an example of women not being "nice" to you?
Are women in your area not "nice" to just you? How about to other men? Or people in general? Are they also mean/rude to children and puppies? Are they married with families and do they have friends and support systems despite being not "nice"?
None of their responses or feedback, either verbal and non-verbal (at least as far as I can best determine) have been positive ones, even when I was on dates with them? The best analogy I can think of to say is that they seemed very cold, aloof, indifferent. At the very best, their appearance seemed poker-faced and in neutral-leaning-negative territory. Very little in terms of even friendly or congenial verbal communication, very little if any smiling, etc. I am basing most of my observations on their verbal communication, since as I had mentioned earlier, I am very weak at reading non-verbal communication and body language.
To answer the other question, AFAIK, women in my geographical area are not exactly super-kind or friendly to generally all males, not just me.
Hi, since I am an introverted person who is also shy, does anyone have any thoughts or advice on how would be the best way to get over feelings of shyness, and especially the fear of rejection?
Finally drinking and getting buzzed basically helped me interact with people more so than before. I'm not saying everyone needs to go out to get drunk to get over their shyness, but the more you do in social scenes the easier it becomes. I also had a huge fear of rejection and ended up only asking one girl out during my teen years. It was to prom and she said yes. The problem was that I was just too awkward, and this is likely why nothing more came from that date.
It wasn't until I was 20 before I asked another girl out. She became my first quasi-girlfriend, but due to other issues that relationship quickly faded. I continued to lean being too lazy and scared to make moves in person, so I would go for months and months before getting more dates with someone new. I ended up so far behind my peer group experience wise and this really made it harder to date. I would eventually find someone, but even then we were set-up when a co-worker asked her if she was interested. The co-worker basically made me know if I would get rejected or not.
From time to time I have regrets about being so shy. I didn't really get "relationships" and being so far behind my peers just made dating very hard for me. All I can say is that you really have to develop the I don't give a.... attitude. You have to want rejection, take it, and move on. There is a new phrase that is basically a rehash of an old concept. The phrase is 'Abundance Mentality'. It is similar to "Plenty of fish in the sea." What I like about abundance mentality is that it puts it on the guy to just keep striking out until he finally is successful. With the plenty of fish in the sea concept, it can give some guys the impression that they don't have to do anything, that eventually, that one fish will come to them.
I looked at responses #6, #8, and #9 and was like "this is terrible advice."
Actually, 6, 8, and 9 were not bad advice at all. When I was young, I was very shy. Most of my girlfriends came from being friendly with them at first without showing romantic interest in the beginning.
Much more often than not, not so much at all -- I would say very rarely. (Admittedly part of it may be related to the geographical where I am residing, as women are not known for being particularly nice here, vs. say the Mid-West where it might be a bit of a different social dynamic.)
If most women are not nice to you, there is something about you that is causing this, wherever you live.
The only logical thing that I can think of as to why women are near-universally unresponsive to my overtures to reach out to them is due to physical disability -- for the purposes of online privacy, I will not mention all of the specific details, except to say that I am fully-mobile and able to move all of my extremities and limbs, etc. I do generally walk a bit slower than most people and there is some degree of limp. It's the only thing I can really think of, because even though I am shy and introverted, I am still also sincerely very kind, friendly, and respectful to everyone (not just to women to but everyone). If anything, people who know me well have advised me against being "too nice" and not to wear my heart on my sleeve all the time to people in general, as I have sometimes been called a "bleeding heart", of sorts I am reasonably successful professionally and economically, and as mentioned, physical appearance is not an issue at all as my overall looks are pretty good. So that's really the only thing I can think of? That and of course the combined shyness/introversion factor.
So, you have a physical disability, yet women are mean to you? How about men? Are they mean to you also?
What I like about abundance mentality is that it puts it on the guy to just keep striking out until he finally is successful. With the plenty of fish in the sea concept, it can give some guys the impression that they don't have to do anything, that eventually, that one fish will come to them.
See, that's what me and a lot of other guys do not like about it - lol
Actually, 6, 8, and 9 were not bad advice at all. When I was young, I was very shy. Most of my girlfriends came from being friendly with them at first without showing romantic interest in the beginning.
How did you keep yourself from falling into the friend zone, though? Don't you still need to show her that you're interested in her beyond just friends?
To me, it just feels dishonest trying to be a woman's friend when you want something more than that.
Oh Good God, not another one. Do some google searching on the Nice Guy phenomenon. And understand where your head lives that no one owes you romantic reciprocity.
J/c did you have a chance to review my full post? The reason I ask is because I specifically mentioned that it would be nice if a woman reciprocated gestures of kindness, and being nice, even if she wasn't romantically interested in me. It was intended as regardless of if she was attracted to me. Please see the quoted portion below, for more info (bold/italic/underlined font added by me for emphasis).
Quote:
What I would really like more than anything else is for a woman to reciprocate being nice or kind back, when I am also genuinely and sincerely kind to them, sort of or kind of like observing the Golden Rule (it doesn't usually happen though). To have a woman show some sort of kindness, even if she is not romantically interested in me, if that makes sense? Is that considered to be the same as desperation, from a woman's perspective?
None of their responses or feedback, either verbal and non-verbal (at least as far as I can best determine) have been positive ones, even when I was on dates with them? The best analogy I can think of to say is that they seemed very cold, aloof, indifferent. At the very best, their appearance seemed poker-faced and in neutral-leaning-negative territory. Very little in terms of even friendly or congenial verbal communication, very little if any smiling, etc. I am basing most of my observations on their verbal communication, since as I had mentioned earlier, I am very weak at reading non-verbal communication and body language.
To answer the other question, AFAIK, women in my geographical area are not exactly super-kind or friendly to generally all males, not just me.
So the vast majority of men in your area are single and/or are treated unkindly by the female population?
Anyway, your problem is now apparent to me. Good luck.
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