Are men judged more harshly for not having a good career/job than women? (how to, love)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think it's easier for a man to establish a successful career than it is for a woman. After all they are still often paid more than women for the same job. Also, men tend to be favored for repeat promotions and develop greater job seniority than women who may take time off to care for children.
So yes, I think men would be judged more harshly if they fail to thrive in a professional environment, because the odds are frequently in their favor.
these things are true for the 40-60 year old crowd
the women and men in the 20-35 range play roughly the same game and men still get judged much much more harshly than women do
Hell, I'm a perfect example of it. I make six figures and I would be fine dating a woman who makes 30K. Women making even low six figures want a man making 200k+
Who is judging them? Before anyone can say if they are judged more harshly, we need to know whose doing the judging. I personally think men are harder on themselves on this much the same way women can be harder on themselves when it comes to certain aspects (such as how one dresses and makeup).
Granted, no one likes a deadbeat (men or women), but most women aren't asking for a resume on a first date either. Yet men will harp on about their careers and how successful they are on dates because I think they think women want to hear that (trust me, I've been on a lot of online first dates that felt like the guy though he was at a job interview).
Except for the shallowest of people: I think most women care about a man's career success the way men care about what brand of shoes and handbag a woman uses. You care on the surface (does she look sharp and well put together and looks sexy) but you don't care about the specifics, the brands, how much thing cost her. Well, think of women as the same. They care that you work and you apply yourself and enjoy your job, but don't really care how well you are climbing the corporate ladder, what your salary increases have been, etc.
If it's any consolation to men who feel judged, In the end, water finds its level and this seems to be true in relationships too. People end up with their equivalent socially, economically, even looks wise. The ones who can't accept it tend to be the ones who are frustrated: the man who is average looking for a model or the woman who is lower middle class looking for a doctor.
Last edited by BellaLind; 01-02-2017 at 07:43 AM..
Society in general... then down to the 10 or 20 they might want to date.
Don't overthink it.
Quote:
Granted, no one likes a deadbeat (men or women),
but most women aren't asking for a resume on a first date either.
You don't need a resume to see how someone dresses or the car they drive
or the sort of job they have or what sort of evening out they'll invite you to have.
Quote:
Yet men will harp on about their careers and how successful they are on dates
because I think they think (most) women want to (know these things are so)
And no question most men will do this poorly.
Quote:
I think most women care ...that you work and you apply yourself and enjoy your job,
but don't really care how well you are climbing the corporate ladder... etc
I think that goes a bridge too far as well though.
Or at least it leaves us to define how many "most" has to be before its universal.
Society in general... then down to the 10 or 20 they might want to date.
Don't overthink it.
You don't need a resume to see how someone dresses or the car they drive
or the sort of job they have or what sort of evening out they'll invite you to have.
And no question most men will do this poorly.
I think that goes a bridge too far as well though.
Or at least it leaves us to define how many "most" has to be before its universal.
How someone dresses and what dates you go on tells you nothing about their career and can be very misleading about how much one earns. My boyfriend (been dating for almost two years now) owns a business valued in the millions and takes home close to $300k a year. He wore jeans and a pullover to our first date (and drove a 10 year old pickup truck). He wears jeans and old tee shirts most of the time and most of our dates are casual. I didn't know how much he made before we were a couple and I didn't care. He had a job, that's what mattered.
There are a lot of people who dress and act like they have money (and don't) and there are plenty of "millionaires next door" who are unassuming. Only the naive would assume you can tell them apart by trappings.
Maybe this is a generational issue with very young people who aren't very experienced (men and women).
How someone dresses and what dates you go on tells you nothing about their career and can be very misleading about how much one earns. My boyfriend (been dating for almost two years now) owns a business valued in the millions and takes home close to $300k a year. He wore jeans and a pullover to our first date (and drove a 10 year old pickup truck). He wears jeans and old tee shirts most of the time and most of our dates are casual. I didn't know how much he made before we were a couple and I didn't care. He had a job, that's what mattered.
There are a lot of people who dress and act like they have money (and don't) and there are plenty of "millionaires next door" who are unassuming. Only the naive would assume you can tell them apart by trappings.
Maybe this is a generational issue with very young people who aren't very experienced (men and women).
I know plenty of women who wouldnt have given your BF a chance just for wearing casual clothes and driving a 10 year old truck FYI
the woman that I made a thread about near top of the page was astonished that the national avg income is only 50 or 60K. I don't think she would date anybody making less than 160K
I know plenty of women who wouldnt have given your BF a chance just for wearing casual clothes and driving a 10 year old truck FYI
the woman that I made a thread about near top of the page was astonished that the national avg income is only 50 or 60K. I don't think she would date anybody making less than 160K
Well, women like that are unrealistic with unrealistic expectations. I think men who aren't"accepted" by them dodged bullets. Think of it this way, by having those shallow women reject, you don't waste time with them and that leaves the door open for a good woman who isn't so superficial. It's really a win.
Men, don't be so hard on yourselfs and take care of your own happiness first. To heck with the judgemental.
Well, women like that are unrealistic with unrealistic expectations. I think men who aren't"accepted" by them dodged bullets. Think of it this way, by having those shallow women reject, you don't waste time with them and that leaves the door open for a good woman who isn't so superficial. It's really a win.
Men, don't be so hard on yourselfs and take care of your own happiness first. To heck with the judgemental.
women don't deal with that though is my point
I make around 160, drive a gorgeous Lexus GS, dress very nice and I'm totally fine dating a down to earth teacher driving a civic. Many of my rich buddies don't care either
I make around 160, drive a gorgeous Lexus GS, dress very nice and I'm totally fine dating a down to earth teacher driving a civic. Many of my rich buddies don't care either
We don't, but we have our own challenges. The biggest being judged by age and looks. And we can't even change that. You see it quite often in this forum where men disregard women their own age (unless they are in their 20s) and they will have all kinds of justifications for it. Some value women their own age so lowly that they consider them desperate and can even conceive of the idea that other men will date them. When I did online dating, it was common for men to only look at women much younger than them. I got contacted by so many old guys it wasn't funny and while being (say) 50, their age range was something like 18-35. Some might consider their own age as a token, but it would be 35 year old man looking for woman 20-35 years old. Never 36 or 37 except on rare occasions.
Like women just have to write off men who would judge by age or looks, men just need to write off women who judge by money. It sucks and can be disheartening, but there are still plenty of good people out there who don't have such shallow standards.
We don't, but we have our own challenges. The biggest being judged by age and looks. And we can't even change that. You see it quite often in this forum where men disregard women their own age (unless they are in their 20s) and they will have all kinds of justifications for it. Some value women their own age so lowly that they consider them desperate and can even conceive of the idea that other men will date them.
Like women just have to write off men who would judge by age or looks, men just need to write off women who judge by money. It sucks and can be disheartening, but there are still plenty of good people out there who don't have such shallow standards.
the problem was back in the day, men were judged for money and women for looks
now men get judged for looks/fitness level and money/accomplishments/success while women still only get judged for looks
I don't really care, I'm very strong in all the areas discussed but it's just another way dating is easier for women.
I think if someone, man or woman, is self sufficient and their work is meaningful to them, I would respect them regardless of income. Now if someone works at a low skilled job and cannot support them self simply because they are unwilling to learn new skills or pursue opportunities to advance the self, I would likely not want to get deeply involved with them. For me, it's not about the money but whether the person is independent and open to growing.
^^so much this. I've dated professionally successful men with money and they were some of the dullest, most self-absorbed people ever. No, I don't want to hear about the brand new luxury car you bought last week. Oh, you have a boat? Is that the same boat you mentioned 25 minutes ago or is this a new one? And it cost how much? Oh wow!
Just be able to support yourself and have something good to offer in the personality arena.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
