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Not paying for her dinner, not paying for her drinks, not walking her to her car. Yes, forgot those. What else should a man do for him to earn a 2nd date?
I see. Apparently there is a growing subset of men who have almost no concept of body language or social awareness. "That's okay, I'm just parked over here"
Nope. There are adult women who still play “read my mind” games or are terrible at communicating. Would it be bad to say “Oh ok, thank you”? Let’s leave guessing games for middle school and lets communicate like grown-ups.
I always try to say what I mean and vice versa, but there are times when subtlety works best. Is it fair? Maybe not. I didn't create female psychology and sexuality. I'm not saying we all do that, but it does happen. <<shrug>>
My first date with John was a disaster of sorts. He drove almost 50 miles to pick me up to take back in the direction he came from. I offered to drive in to his place but he insisted on picking me up. Only I wasn't home when he showed up. I ran to the store. Luckily he went to a pay phone (no cell phones back then) and I was home when he called. We went to the Art Institute in Chicago and he didn't have enough money for dinner. He forgot to go to the bank before our date. Neither one of us had a credit card or an ATM card. I told him that I had money and not to worry about it. He wouldn't have it. He then drove me to his parents house so he could borrow some money. I got grilled extensively by his mother and I was ready to punch her in the nose. I spent some time talking to his Scottish granny in her room to get away from the witch. We finally made it to dinner and had a pitcher of margaritas with dinner. My apartment was close by and I had to walk my dog. We went to my favorite park and he kissed me. The whole awful night melted away. Our second date was a whole weekend at my apartment. I had cable TV. He did not. I married him 9 months after I met him and that was 31 years ago and still going strong. Moral of story?
Don't second guess your feelings. People do stupid things, especially on first dates. If you like him, go for it. The rest will just be a good laugh some day if he's "the one." You'll never know if you allow insignificant things to interfere.
You did hear from him that night when he asked if you got home safely.
What was your response:
-Yes.
-Yes. Thank you.
-Yes. Thank you for a nice evening.
?
Quote:
Originally Posted by DuckOfMs
Do we know what her body language was?
I don't.
Do you?
She was put off/thrown off/whatever by the whole separate checks thing, so, I think there's at least some possibility that her body language wasn't all that inviting.
Also, how about that "are you safe to walk on this icy sidewalk" could have meant "may I walk you to car" but it's wasn't spelled out in big, capital, black letters and the OP said, "no"?
Why do things only seem to work one way?
All of this analysis really isn't necessary. I don't regret my actions and I have no reason to believe that he regrets his. So if the result of our combined actions is that we never see each other again, so be it.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by DuckOfMs
These are just your interpretations.
You're sending your own signals; using a very limited amount of information (a few minutes of his life) to make broad generalizations about his character (classless/tacky). You might consider those actions to have been classless or tacky, but that certainly doesn't mean the he IS classless or tacky. People are generally not that simple.
Perhaps he's socially awkard and wasn't sure how to bring up the "going dutch" option (seeing the **** storm it can create) so he just went the most direct route.
I don't claim to know this guy well enough to make judgements about his character based off of one person's brief encounter with him.
That falls under classless.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
I'm going to go with OP's guy just wasn't interested and pretty much didn't give a at point.
Also falls under classless, or even more so, just being a grade A jerk.
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC
So if a guy doesn't pay for a girl's expenses that means he is not interested in her? Oh, then I wonder why he took some time to be with her that night instead of his buddies. Female logic, huh?
It has nothing to do with paying or not paying, as has been explained several times.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by SelfRescuingPrincess
I see. Apparently there is a growing subset of men who have almost no concept of body language or social awareness. "That's okay, I'm just parked over here" = "no, absolutely do not walk me to my car". Everything has to be spelled out in big, capital, black letters. I was with someone like that for years. Turns out he knew exactly what he was doing the whole time. People like that don't usually have an easy time in the dating world. A hint to people in that situation: if you realize what the meaning between the lines is and are just refusing to consider it, don't then complain that you can't find a good woman or that dating is soooo hard.
Seriously, it's like some of these people have never socially interacted until they're in their late 20s and 30s at all. What the heck are they doing? Hiding in basements?
No, but if you're going to do all that AND then I don't hear from you for several days after, I can definitely assume it's not going anywhere.
I would say that's way more than a reasonable assumption.
Like you said earlier, he was proactive about asking for separate checks, so there's no reason, other than disinterest, for him to be acting differently with contacting you.
Better luck with the next one.
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at point.
