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Just because a man doesn't want to pay for your meal doesn't mean he isn't cheap or broke maybe he just doesn't like you and that was his way of showing it. He might not pay for you but will happily pay for another woman.
Your scenario assumes that the guy with seperate checks wants the second date. If I ask for separate checks I hope that makes it clear I don't give a damn if you ask for a second date and I don't expect to be asked for a second date.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27
Just because a man doesn't want to pay for your meal doesn't mean he isn't cheap or broke maybe he just doesn't like you and that was his way of showing it. He might not pay for you but will happily pay for another woman.
Yeah, but then both of these points lead back to the "mercenary" discussion from upthread. You ask a woman on a date and initially intend to pay for it, but then she doesn't meet your standards somehow so too bad, she's on her on own? That's sketchy and rude in its own right (and how is that not being cheap?) Way to be a stand-up guy.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Yeah, but then both of these points lead back to the "mercenary" discussion from upthread. You ask a woman on a date and initially intend to pay for it, but then she doesn't meet your standards somehow so too bad, she's on her on own? That's sketchy and rude in its own right (and how is that not being cheap?) Way to be a stand-up guy.
I've lost time I can't get back on someone who ain't going to work out. Why not save the $ for something more useful?
I've lost time I can't get back on someone who ain't going to work out. Why not save the $ for something more useful?
Because you've already committed to the date. You're already there with a live human being, and you've just put a monetary cost on her company and decided she's a waste of your time and not worthy of the arrangement you made to yourself and to her when you made the date. That's cold.
Think of it this way: say you eat at a restaurant by yourself. The food's not great and you probably won't go back to this place. So do you tell the restaurant that you're not going to pay, since the mediocre meal is a waste of your time? Or do you decide having an uninspiring meal is a risk you take for eating out, but respectfully take care of the business arrangement you made by sitting down, ordering, and eating?
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 01-12-2017 at 03:21 PM..
Ok, but why did he feel it necessary to even suggest dinner if he knew he was unwilling or unable to pay for it? I would've been fine with just drinks.
because men cant be honest and say....lets go for a roll in the hay
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Because you've already committed to the date. You're already there with a live human being, and you've just put a monetary cost on her company and decided she's a waste of your time and not worthy of the arrangement you made to yourself and to her when you made the date. That's cold.
Think of it this way: say you eat at a restaurant by yourself. The food's not great and you probably won't go back to this place. So do you tell the restaurant that you're not going to pay, since the mediocre meal is a waste of your time? Or do you decide having an uninspiring meal is a risk you take for eating out, but respectfully take care of the business arrangement you made by sitting down, ordering, and eating?
The second paragraph is a poor example. Not paying a restaurant for a meal is a criminal offense and I'd be guilty to theft. There ain't no damn law that I have to pay for anyone else's meal beside my own.
One thing I'll admit, I've paid for dates just so I can get the hell away from the other person as quickly as I can. Now I have more sense than to do that.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Because you've already committed to the date. You're already there with a live human being, and you've just put a monetary cost on her company and decided she's a waste of your time and not worthy of the arrangement you made to yourself and to her when you made the date. That's cold.
Beyond this. I simply do not get the people that say "Hey, I'm never going to see her again, what do I care what she thinks of me?". I simply can't fathom not caring what other people view me as. This is up there with the people that do the "right" thing when people are looking, but when they're not, they don't. Those people are straight up garbage.
If I meet someone, unless they were a complete jerk to me, even if they (and/or I) walk away thinking I don't want to go out with that person again, I absolutely want them thinking they had a pleasant time, I'm a nice guy, it was worth going out, but "it" just happened to be there. It would absolutely blow to think she might think I'm a freaking jerk and she dodged a bullet, even if it has no tangible effect on my life in the future.
But it might, when you're dating, even in a decent size city like Chicago or Boston, you will eventually run into women who have met or know other women you've dated. You might run into them socially, or in a business setting. If you come up, which person would you rather be "he was nice, I liked talking to him, good guy, but not the right match for me" or this guy: "once it became apparent we weren't going to go out again, he asked for a separate check and bolted, it was completely rude, that was a bullet dodged".
1. Get over it. Apparently, lack of class isn't that big of a problem for you.
2. How many times do I need to say the issue wasn't about him not paying?
3. I initially didn't assume he was uninterested, so I thought maybe he's broke since he wanted to make sure that there was NO chance that I wouldn't have contributed to a joint bill (even though I would have), and I know he doesn't make much money, needs to pay for school, and hopefully is financially supporting his child who is under two years old. The "cheap" in my title wasn't referring to him.
id like to add my two cents
i have never asked a lady out for a date and NOT paid for her meal
call me old fashioned,,,but i did the asking,,she was kind enough to accept,, i figure its my place to pay no matter what..
its tough,,,,asking out on a dae when financially strapped......you dont want to sound cheap and just ask for a walk in the park...
sweet i will say this,,,even tho ive always paid for the date,,,,,if he is a decent fellow,,,,,he just didnt want to debate it at the time the server brought the check,,,,
because if one word is said the wrong way,,,,,,we get defensive/pissed
and hes risking you saying ....hmmm ive never paid for a date before
in the big picture of things,,,the so called gender roles have shifted.....so i can understand him,,,being quite interested in you but trying not to look poor/cheap
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Beyond this. I simply do not get the people that say "Hey, I'm never going to see her again, what do I care what she thinks of me?". I simply can't fathom not caring what other people view me as. This is up there with the people that do the "right" thing when people are looking, but when they're not, they don't. Those people are straight up garbage.
If I meet someone, unless they were a complete jerk to me, even if they (and/or I) walk away thinking I don't want to go out with that person again, I absolutely want them thinking they had a pleasant time, I'm a nice guy, it was worth going out, but "it" just happened to be there. It would absolutely blow to think she might think I'm a freaking jerk and she dodged a bullet, even if it has no tangible effect on my life in the future.
But it might, when you're dating, even in a decent size city like Chicago or Boston, you will eventually run into women who have met or know other women you've dated. You might run into them socially, or in a business setting. If you come up, which person would you rather be "he was nice, I liked talking to him, good guy, but not the right match for me" or this guy: "once it became apparent we weren't going to go out again, he asked for a separate check and bolted, it was completely rude, that was a bullet dodged".
Always take the high road.
Maybe you need the validation of everyone liking you, I don't. I spent far too much of my life caring what people think of me and they winded up hating me anyway. Being not liked does not bother me at ALL.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Maybe you need the validation of everyone liking you, I don't. I spent far too much of my life caring what people think of me and they winded up hating me anyway. Being not liked does not bother me at ALL.
It's not validation seeking to not want to be considered a jerk. Most of the time I'll never talk with them or see them to validate anything, it matters in my mind and heart that I made a good impression.
Perhaps, just perhaps, people saw through a facade in your case. If you were sincere and being a good person for its own end, that is, being a good person, people might have seen you as such.
But if you're going to delight in being not liked, then don't complain about people not liking you. Especially, when you like them and try to put on an act of a likeable fellow because you think you might get something out of it. People with emotional and social intelligence see through that BS.
Last edited by timberline742; 01-12-2017 at 06:01 PM..
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Now I have more sense than to do that.