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It was pathetic. I'll try to remember most of it but I was so emotional when I wrote I barely remember what I said. I'll try to paraphrase what I recall writing:
"Screw it. Everything has come crashing down on me. You deserve better than anything I could ever offer you. We were talking about a future together, marriage, kids. But how can I support a family now that I have nothing. I can't even take care of myself. Good bye."
That was pretty much it. It was fairly short and, like I said, pretty pathetic.
It was an irrational letter written during a moment of emotional distress. I know it's not true because I have good job, I can provide. But, losing my house was just such a heavy blow. I buckled under the pressure. It was terrible, stupid decision to write that letter and I can never take it back.
I think, for both of you, you need to worry about getting your life straight first.
60 days for a DUI sounds like a second or third offense. You'll also be paying a huge fine, doing lots of community service, going to years of probation, etc.
I know, because I've been there, and I will never do that again.
Yeah. Fortunately I can do my community service at the jail. I've already met with my probation officer and she's really nice. I'm also allowed to leave jail during the day to go to work. I'm keeping my life on track and I'm being positive. I learn from my mistakes. I was sober for 12 years then I fell of the wagon as my marriage fell to pieces. But I'm sober now and plan on staying that way for the rest of my life.
My life isn't a mess, I'm staying on track. But this breakup with my gf is really hitting me hard because I know what we had was real. Every day we don't talk I feel like she's slipping further and further away and it's just really sad.
Look what you've told us- You've been married AND divorce to a lady who has a 2 year old that isn't even yours- which shows us you got into BOTH of these relationships way to soon-
I'm still trying to figure out how someone has the time to get married And Divorced to someone with a 2 year old while at the same time been involved in another relationship for 5 months? do the math for me
Her parents told me to leave her alone because they came to her house to comfort her after she read my letter. They saw how upset she was and sent me a text telling me to leave her alone. I wasn't stalking or anything like that. I had only send my gf a couple of texts trying to explain things to her and apologizing.
I did not have to quit claim the house back to my wife because we paid for it with cash. So, I have equity in the house. However, she is unable to buy me out so the judge ruled that she can live there until her daughter turns 18.
I'm doing my jail time as I write this. Getting it done, moving on with my life. I just feel like my gf and I had something really special, that's why it's hard right now.
Wow, I would get a new lawyer! I don't understand why your ex gets to keep the house till her daughter is 18 if the child is not yours? Something doesn't seem right! How long were you married???
It was pathetic. I'll try to remember most of it but I was so emotional when I wrote I barely remember what I said. I'll try to paraphrase what I recall writing:
"Screw it. Everything has come crashing down on me. You deserve better than anything I could ever offer you. We were talking about a future together, marriage, kids. But how can I support a family now that I have nothing. I can't even take care of myself. Good bye."
That was pretty much it. It was fairly short and, like I said, pretty pathetic.
It was an irrational letter written during a moment of emotional distress. I know it's not true because I have good job, I can provide. But, losing my house was just such a heavy blow. I buckled under the pressure. It was terrible, stupid decision to write that letter and I can never take it back.
Look at it from her perspective. If everything was as great as you say it was, think how she feels about being unceremoniously dumped by a note out of the blue. Do you think that she could trust you again? You sound pretty impulsive, ready to jump in and out of relationships at the drop of a hat. She might not need that kind of drama in her life right now. If you really do care about her, abide by her wishes.
Look what you've told us- You've been married AND divorce to a lady who has a 2 year old that isn't even yours- which shows us you got into BOTH of these relationships way to soon-
I'm still trying to figure out how someone has the time to get married And Divorced to someone with a 2 year old while at the same time been involved in another relationship for 5 months? do the math for me
The timeline doesn't add up for me either.....OP please explain.
The timeline doesn't add up for me either.....OP please explain.
The marriage lasted for 10 months. However, because we co-mingled so many assets, the divorce took over a year to finalize. It was a long, hard fought battle. In the end, she won. She had the better lawyer, she made the better case and that's all there is to it. She also put down half of the cash for the house. So, in 16 years, when her daughter reaches 18, she has to sell the house and give me half. Those were the judge's orders. It was a very hard pill to swallow. I was hoping the judge would have forced the sale of the house and then we could split it and go our separate ways. But because my exwife and her lawyer showed that she could not afford to move at this time and uprooting the child would be detrimental, the judge saw it her way.
Look at it from her perspective. If everything was as great as you say it was, think how she feels about being unceremoniously dumped by a note out of the blue. Do you think that she could trust you again? You sound pretty impulsive, ready to jump in and out of relationships at the drop of a hat. She might not need that kind of drama in her life right now. If you really do care about her, abide by her wishes.
I don't know. I mean, I know I made a huge mistake that hurt her deeply. But, she knows the kind of pressure I was under and I made an irrational decision. Is that unforgivable? Can't she forgive me? She loves me too. She was a planning a life with me and we were happy together, very happy. Why does one mistake have to wipe all that away?
She was a planning a life with me and we were happy together, very happy. Why does one mistake have to wipe all that away?
Because sometimes it just does.
No doubt in your journey in sobriety you've come across the idea that you cannot control other people. That you apologized doesn't mean that she has to accept it, and even if she does accept it, it's her choice how she wishes to proceed.
She has told you, in no uncertain terms, that she doesn't want anything to do with you at this point. As much as it hurts, you need to respect that. Honestly, if you truly want to make amends, let her be and work on yourself.
You speak about losing her more each day. IMO, as long as you are focusing on that, you're not working on yourself, and your journey in sobriety.
I don't know. I mean, I know I made a huge mistake that hurt her deeply. But, she knows the kind of pressure I was under and I made an irrational decision. Is that unforgivable? Can't she forgive me? She loves me too. She was a planning a life with me and we were happy together, very happy. Why does one mistake have to wipe all that away?
A mistake is something unintentional. You intentionally broke up with her in a letter, and moved out w/o warning.
We don't know her. Speculation is all to go on. But maybe she can forgive and understand your plight. But she's blocking you from her life for her own mental and emotional well-being because you have shown to be impulsive and emotionally erratic.
And 1 thing some don't understand, sometimes 1 offense is all it takes to ruin things -depending on the severity of it
So while you were happy for months and making plans together, the fact you blew her off w/o warning in a letter and moved out was a big breech of trust. She's probably wondering what will happen if she had kids with you, and things get rough -are you gonna run off and leave the kids w/o a father and her as a single mom.
When trust has been punctured, sometimes you don't earn it back. And with all the red-flags she ignored, or tried to play off, the letter was the final straw for her to walk away now.
Second chances are not guaranteed, which is why acting on impulse can get you in trouble. Actions come with consequences
Last edited by HappyRain; 02-09-2017 at 04:44 PM..
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