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I can't think of any real reasons to convince a man to marry me.
He has to wanna do that himself, and even then, his intentions with me have to be sincere...
(I might push for it if we were considering starting a family..)
* I am debt free and would prefer to keep it that way.
Last guy who tried to talk me into marriage got a huge reality check when I said PASS after finding out he had massive student loans, credit card debt, and even filed for bankruptcy.. ~ That's ALL you, man!
What are the benefits gained by marriage? Surely marriage is not an antiquated idea and people do still want marriage and commitment.
The benefits to me are not of "marriage" but of the relationship with my husband. Some of the benefits of marriage are only useful in the context of a committed relationship between the people. Things like survivor-ship, visitation in a hospital situation ... But those are gravy compared to the relationship itself. Marriage does not create a relationship. Two people do.
Quote:
If you were going to convince a partner that marriage is a good idea, what reasons would you give?
I would not. I would work on creating a highly loving, committed relationship and work with him on the mechanisms for daily living.
I would never try to convince someone to marry me - that's not how you want to start a life together.
What is a benefit for one person, isn't necessarily a benefit for another.
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I guess one of the benefits of marriage is, it make you work through your problems and many times, you can come out stronger vs just up and leaving like I have seen many people I know in long term relationships, when they have a fight or major disagreement.
80/20 rule
In marriage, you just have to tolerate that 20% you cant get and just work with it, otherwise you might have to give up half of what you own if you just up and leave.
In a relationship, you can just up and leave to find that 20% you weren't getting and there is no consequence.
Life Insurance
In marriage, I can feel good that if I die, I can leave something for my spouse.
In a long term relationship, I have yet to hear any of my friends say they put their boyfriend/girlfriend on their life insurance policy.
On any form, you are either married or single. If you are in a long term relationship with no intentions of getting married, always remember that person can just up and leave any day they want, and they owe you nothing or are financially obligated to anything after all those years of life you had together vs marriage, where you can atleast get something out of it. Sadly, Marriage is or can be a business move too.
Most of the "legal" benefits of marriage can be addressed without the legal need for marriage. Some benefits like the survivors SS benefits don't convey over. That is the one that is concerning me for our situation. You have to be legally married for 10 years for that to occur. That is the one thing that is giving me pause and thinking about just going ahead and getting married. I've said here over the years that I have no interest in marriage I'm not really against per se, I just don't find it necessary and Mrs. Chow is probably more against it than I am.
We've been together a long long time now, longer than most marriages that I know of, but whatever. I can't really see what the real difference is, but dozens of people over the years here on this forum say it's different so I suppose I can just go by what they say. I don't personally think it means any more in terms of being committed or more of a sense of security. This is clearly demonstrated by the high divorce rates, I don't think the "sanctity" of marriage is really something to tout when the marriage stats are so unimpressive.
I've heard and read just anecdotally speaking that marriage is on the decline throughout most western nations. Not sure what is driving that trend. I will say that my approach to marriage is because I don't have or want kids. I think if you have children that you should go ahead and just get married, anything that gives the appearance of security or whatever for the kids well being is a good thing.
Most of the "legal" benefits of marriage can be addressed without the legal need for marriage. Some benefits like the survivors SS benefits don't convey over. That is the one that is concerning me for our situation. You have to be legally married for 10 years for that to occur. That is the one thing that is giving me pause and thinking about just going ahead and getting married. I've said here over the years that I have no interest in marriage I'm not really against per se, I just don't find it necessary and Mrs. Chow is probably more against it than I am.
We've been together a long long time now, longer than most marriages that I know of, but whatever. I can't really see what the real difference is, but dozens of people over the years here on this forum say it's different so I suppose I can just go by what they say. I don't personally think it means any more in terms of being committed or more of a sense of security. This is clearly demonstrated by the high divorce rates, I don't think the "sanctity" of marriage is really something to tout when the marriage stats are so unimpressive.
I've heard and read just anecdotally speaking that marriage is on the decline throughout most western nations. Not sure what is driving that trend. I will say that my approach to marriage is because I don't have or want kids. I think if you have children that you should go ahead and just get married, anything that gives the appearance of security or whatever for the kids well being is a good thing.
If the both of you have been against marriage all this time, don't do it just for money.
Society tends to take married couples more seriously and treats marriage more respectfully than cohabitants. You see it in every area of life, from the workplace to your social circle. See the thread about the boyfriend who doesn't get an automatic invite for his gf when he is invited to a party. A wife, no doubt, would be included.
It is just how it is.
1) And? If I ever do get married, it's because I want to, and not because society supposedly "respects" you more. Lol at that.
2) My friends/social circle have never respected me less because I'm not married or even have a girlfriend. They've literally known me as being single ever since they met me, and while they do sometimes bring up if I'm dating someone or not, it never goes further than that.
3) Regarding that thread, it doesn't seem like the host knew the OP had a girlfriend or wife, so even if it was his wife, she may not have gotten an invite regardless.
If the both of you have been against marriage all this time, don't do it just for money.
I've made significantly more money over the years than she has. Social security, hoping it's still around in 18 years is one of the pillars of our retirement plan. If I drop dead she'll lose a large-ish amount of money out of her monthly budget. I'm just trying to make sure she's taken care of if I check out before her.
I can't think of any real reasons to convince a man to marry me.
He has to wanna do that himself, and even then, his intentions with me have to be sincere...
(I might push for it if we were considering starting a family..)
* I am debt free and would prefer to keep it that way.
Last guy who tried to talk me into marriage got a huge reality check when I said PASS after finding out he had massive student loans, credit card debt, and even filed for bankruptcy.. ~ That's ALL you, man!
Haha!
I suppose there are other things besides $$$ that could make one 'Pass.'
Society tends to take married couples more seriously and treats marriage more respectfully than cohabitants.
In my area it seems that couples that aren't married are fairly common... most people they interact with in daily life wouldn't know. There are two coworkers of mine in long term relationships with children. I worked with them for years and never knew they weren't legally married. They both said it is pretty common in their circle of friends and family.
At least my observation is that people interact with couples equally... whether they are married, dating, etc...
My wife and I lived together as a couple for quite a few years before legally getting married. We eventually had a wedding and reception.. the whole works... but when we finally got settled back at home after our honeymoon, things really weren't any different. Wife kept her name until a few years later with our first born; not because she wanted to take my name but because having a different name than her child bothered her for some reason. People we knew didn't treat us any differently before and after legally marrying.
I admit, we have our share of marital problems we are working through. Would we be working as hard through them if we weren't married? Perhaps.. but what is motivation isn't the legalities... but the fact that we've been part of each other lives for over 20 years (started as friends) and have 3 children together... we still do care/love each other. despite our problems.
Last edited by usayit; 03-07-2017 at 02:35 PM..
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