Husband and I have completely different food preferences, but he wants me to conform to his (family, separate)

[atgss]

Originally Posted by ohhwanderlust

So, my husband is an adamant vegan who does not like much fat in his diet at all. He likes very plain/mushy/gruel-like dishes. He hates tomatoes, mushrooms, olives, anything too exotic, capers, eggplant, zucchini, bone broth, coconut, any type of squash, many other things, etc.

Basically, he only eats lentils, rice, and onions. He doesn't even like salt or vinegar.

I prefer eating with more variety, flavor, and actually chewing.

I try to tell him that I'm fine with him eating as he pleases, but i don't really like his food, and he doesn't need to cook for me, but he's very insistent, as he thinks I don't eat healthy enough (because I often use things like coconut oil, butter, eggs, dark meat chicken, frying things up or baking them with oil, pickled veggies, etc).

And no, I'm not fat (I'm 5'10 and 125 lbs, he's 5'9 and 180). Both of us are healthy as can be (we recently got very in-depth check-up).

This is literally the only thing we argue about. He's super against eating different meals since "family should eat the same thing".

I'm willing to force down his food (which he accepts no suggestions on) a few times a week, but I'd really like to actually enjoy eating...

"Ha-ha-ha-ha! Spacely's stupid!" (Jetson's cartoon) lol!

In other words, your hubby should respect your food choices.

Now, it's another story if he wants to discuss why he thinks why in his opinion you would benefit to convert to the cuisine he eats. IMO: he's not much of a vegan either (or even a healthy eater/vegan) by his omitting what you posted.

[gentlearts]

I hope you stand firm, OP. I agree, this seems more like a control issue. If you don't put a stop to it, it will probably get worse.
My husband came with a few food issues. He has come around to liking almost everything, because he was grateful to have someone cook for him.

[ClaraC]

My husband has gone from a guy who really like KFC and pizza, to a man who is very conscious of eating healthy, and he lost the 30 extra pounds he's carried most of his adult life. As a result he's very careful about fats and salt and sugar, and I'm happy to accommodate him and cook meals that are his preference.

But he also had a habit of telling me - ANYTIME I HAD A SNACK - are you sure you want to eat that? Did you read the label? or "wow" at the portion. I also am slim, have no health issues, and was eating a portion that was very reasonable.

He had this idea that his preferences in everything were the "right" way to do things. It's not "right". It's a preference. We had a big discussion a couple months ago, where I said this is my life, my choices, you're making me avoid you and I look forward to times when you are away from home. I don't do that to you. I don't tell you you should be reading better books or getting up earlier in the morning, so don't insist on supervising me and critiquing my every choice. Stop supervising me, you're driving me nuts.

And it worked. Amazing. I see him actually begin to speak and stop. Our relationship has gone back to what it once was, which is very loving.

This is your life too, and I suspect that extremely rigid diet is going to begin to cause deterioration in his health.

Best wishes.

[BirdieBelle]

It's concerning because I remember this thread you started OP:

https://www.city-data.com/forum/relat...ur-spouse.html

and how he not only wasn't really interested in your ideas about travel, which is one thing, but he also didn't like it when you came home late from work, etc.

So ... his controlling methods have gotten worse, it seems???

[wanderlust76]

Well he's right on the fried foods, butter, and some of the oils I would try and steer away from it. Other than that he's nuts that's the dumbest diet I've ever heard of even most vegans eat hummus and a lot of other things.

[thinkalot]

Go home, make a T- bone with a baked potato covered with sour cream, and a big slice of cheesecake. Maybe his brain will explode and you will be done with him.

[ChiGal7]

So what you're saying, between this and your other post about your husband, is that he's a control freak who insists you conform to his way or else.

Sorry but, you're an adult and he has zero right to treat you like his child. You're a grown woman who can handle making your own decisions and you don't need anyone telling you what to do. I would have a very lengthy conversation with him as soon as possible and tell him you're done with being condescended to and controlled like some child. That he needs to stop treating you this way because it's disrespectful and not normal.

[fleetiebelle]

Originally Posted by JB75

Let him know that eating dinner together, at the same time, is a luxury a lot of couples don't have. Eating the same thing; not required to make that time special.

Right, this goes above and beyond sharing a meal together, and it doesn't sound like the husband would be open to OP making a vegan meal or two that she would enjoy. Life's too short to eat nothing but flavorless gruel.

[xPlorer48]

I am a vegetarian who sometimes eats fish. Because of my arthritis, I am restricting dairy, soy, pasta, etc. My husband is a meat and potatoes kind of guy. We eat differently and respect each other's food choices. I could not imagine guilting him or vice versa about food choices. Vegans have more choices than bland pablum.

[BirdieBelle]

Besides ...