Husband and I have completely different food preferences, but he wants me to conform to his (attractive, call)

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by rego00123

What do you feel that is systemic of?

They have most defiantly grown in a different direction in terms of health and lifestyle or this issue would not be an issue.

Mince it however you want, There are different ideologies at war with one another here.

Right, but it's not due to the fact that either of them changed their eating habits. It's only due to his feeling he could push her around once they were married. There was no "growing apart".

[Curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by Bronxguyanese

As for me? I'll never enter a relationship with a Vegan again. This is a big problem when it comes to kitchen conflict. Vegans should date and marry like minded eaters.

But then they might multiply!

[MinivanDriver]

You know, if so many vegans weren't just a bunch of moralizing prigs, it would be one thing. But I really get tired of some sanctimonious bluenose holding court over what I eat. Jeez.

[BobCaldwell]

'Family should eat the same thing'.

No offense but he sounds like a complete idiot.

[ohhwanderlust]

So I talked to him about it and asked why he suddenly became obsessed with my diet only after tying the knot.

His answer was that...

1) I was officially "his" (said this in a half joking way)

And, what I think is the real reason:

2) It was around then that he rushed to the doctor one night because he felt his heart rate being quicker than normal. He was fine, but he thinks that his heart was racing because we were eating a bad diet, so he went into crackdown mode for himself, and needed me to follow suit because he thought it was unfair for him to have to be the only one having to eat his self-imposed bland diet.

Thing is, we just have different health needs. He comes from very overweight stock who have to really watch their blood pressure and the like. They're always chilly, even in hot coastal SoCal weather.

Whereas, I come from a family of people who need a lot of calories to feel best. We're all slim (even after having kids), and run hot (I feel uncomfortable warm in a short sleeved shirt in still 10C weather). For us, we just have to be very careful to avoid smokers.

Not trying to ramble, but the point is that we do have different body types. Hell, we're even totally different blood types (he's A-, I'm B+).

I tried responding to him with all this, but his anxiety just seems to overrule rational thought. I don't think he's being malicious with his controlling behavior, I think it's a manifestation of his own anxiety.

I've complained about his behavior before, but I never thought to ask him why he only changed suddenly after marriage. And that has yielded some food for thought (pardon the pun) about what may be the real issue (his anxiety issues). So, thanks for those who pointed that out.

[Ruth4Truth]

Has he discussed his health concerns and his diet with his doctor? His doc could probably recommend a good diet to address his concerns.

[stan4]

Originally Posted by ohhwanderlust

So, my husband is an adamant vegan who does not like much fat in his diet at all. He likes very plain/mushy/gruel-like dishes. He hates tomatoes, mushrooms, olives, anything too exotic, capers, eggplant, zucchini, bone broth, coconut, any type of squash, many other things, etc.

Basically, he only eats lentils, rice, and onions. He doesn't even like salt or vinegar.

I prefer eating with more variety, flavor, and actually chewing.

I try to tell him that I'm fine with him eating as he pleases, but i don't really like his food, and he doesn't need to cook for me, but he's very insistent, as he thinks I don't eat healthy enough (because I often use things like coconut oil, butter, eggs, dark meat chicken, frying things up or baking them with oil, pickled veggies, etc).

And no, I'm not fat (I'm 5'10 and 125 lbs, he's 5'9 and 180). Both of us are healthy as can be (we recently got very in-depth check-up).

This is literally the only thing we argue about. He's super against eating different meals since "family should eat the same thing".

I'm willing to force down his food (which he accepts no suggestions on) a few times a week, but I'd really like to actually enjoy eating...

Sounds like a control freak.

You didn't notice this when you were dating.

BTW, his diet, if it is what you claim, is NOT healthy.
I say this as someone who thinks fruits and vegetables and legumes should comprise 90% of the diet.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by stan4

BTW, his diet, if it is what you claim, is NOT healthy.
I say this as someone who thinks fruits and vegetables and legumes should comprise 90% of the diet.

It's a horrible diet, and I'm vegetarian 5 days a week.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

It's a horrible diet, and I'm vegetarian 5 days a week.

I researched nutrition in detail before I went vegetarian as a college student, to make sure I'd be getting all the nutrients I needed, and to see if I'd need to take a supplement for anything. The OP's guy clearly has not done that. Furthermore, if he's concerned about his heart, and cholesterol, etc., he's only making things worse by depriving his system of healthy oils. He doesn't know what he's doing.

[PhureeKeeper]

Originally Posted by ohhwanderlust

And, what I think is the real reason:

2) It was around then that he rushed to the doctor one night because he felt his heart rate being quicker than normal. He was fine, but he thinks that his heart was racing because we were eating a bad diet, so he went into crackdown mode for himself, and needed me to follow suit because he thought it was unfair for him to have to be the only one having to eat his self-imposed bland diet.

^ ^ THIS is the root of his problems. He had an ANXIETY attack and now thinks he has to completely change his diet? What's he going to eat when he has his next attack?

He needs to stop with his "half Joking" and agree to counseling, both for himself and with you. It's not going to get better until he gets his anxiety under control - and stop controlling you.