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So I talked to him about it and asked why he suddenly became obsessed with my diet only after tying the knot.
His answer was that...
1) I was officially "his" (said this in a half joking way)
And, what I think is the real reason:
2) It was around then that he rushed to the doctor one night because he felt his heart rate being quicker than normal. He was fine, but he thinks that his heart was racing because we were eating a bad diet, so he went into crackdown mode for himself, and needed me to follow suit because he thought it was unfair for him to have to be the only one having to eat his self-imposed bland diet.
Thing is, we just have different health needs. He comes from very overweight stock who have to really watch their blood pressure and the like. They're always chilly, even in hot coastal SoCal weather.
Whereas, I come from a family of people who need a lot of calories to feel best. We're all slim (even after having kids), and run hot (I feel uncomfortable warm in a short sleeved shirt in still 10C weather). For us, we just have to be very careful to avoid smokers.
Not trying to ramble, but the point is that we do have different body types. Hell, we're even totally different blood types (he's A-, I'm B+).
I tried responding to him with all this, but his anxiety just seems to overrule rational thought. I don't think he's being malicious with his controlling behavior, I think it's a manifestation of his own anxiety.
I've complained about his behavior before, but I never thought to ask him why he only changed suddenly after marriage. And that has yielded some food for thought (pardon the pun) about what may be the real issue (his anxiety issues). So, thanks for those who pointed that out.
No wonder he didn't want you to travel without him and hates it when you come home from work late.
He really needs help for his anxiety. Unfortunately many of the medications that help with that also have weight gain as a side effect.
But he at least needs to look into getting help with coping skills so he can stop projecting his problems onto you. It's not fair.
So I talked to him about it and asked why he suddenly became obsessed with my diet only after tying the knot.
His answer was that...
1) I was officially "his" (said this in a half joking way)
And, what I think is the real reason:
2) It was around then that he rushed to the doctor one night because he felt his heart rate being quicker than normal. He was fine, but he thinks that his heart was racing because we were eating a bad diet, so he went into crackdown mode for himself, and needed me to follow suit because he thought it was unfair for him to have to be the only one having to eat his self-imposed bland diet.
Thing is, we just have different health needs. He comes from very overweight stock who have to really watch their blood pressure and the like. They're always chilly, even in hot coastal SoCal weather.
Whereas, I come from a family of people who need a lot of calories to feel best. We're all slim (even after having kids), and run hot (I feel uncomfortable warm in a short sleeved shirt in still 10C weather). For us, we just have to be very careful to avoid smokers.
Not trying to ramble, but the point is that we do have different body types. Hell, we're even totally different blood types (he's A-, I'm B+).
I tried responding to him with all this, but his anxiety just seems to overrule rational thought. I don't think he's being malicious with his controlling behavior, I think it's a manifestation of his own anxiety.
I've complained about his behavior before, but I never thought to ask him why he only changed suddenly after marriage. And that has yielded some food for thought (pardon the pun) about what may be the real issue (his anxiety issues). So, thanks for those who pointed that out.
Somebody else's mental health issues affecting YOUR diet isn't acceptable.
I lived for five years with somebody with an OCD-related somatoform disorder and all kinds of weird anxieties and disordered thinking and behavior based around food, body, fitness (disordered eating is rarely acknowledged in men, but it exists). It was only one of the ways his mental health issues and refusal to treat them affected our relationship in the long run.
Right, but it's not due to the fact that either of them changed their eating habits. It's only due to his feeling he could push her around once they were married. There was no "growing apart".
I'll respectfully disagree
He is acting to perseve something that he feels is threatened.
She's at liberty to set her own eating habits, regardless of his personal anxieties. Suffering from anxiety doesn't give you a license to control someone else.
I'll respectfully disagree
He is acting to perseve something that he feels is threatened.
That's all in his mind, though. And it's nothing new; she has the same diet she's always had, they've always eaten their own food, together.
He sounds like a bit of a mental case. I guess the health scare he had spooked him into going to this extreme. I guess you could call his sudden need (4 yrs ago) for a special diet, "growing apart". He departed from his previous norm. She hasn't grown anywhere, she's there doing her same old, same old thing.
He needs to get his anxiety under control. That's the only thing that will improve this situation. It's inappropriate for him to allow his anxiety to dictate your life.
Impossible to say with only one side telling a story.
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