Go for it or go monk? (dating, long distance, women, attracted)
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Okay, I feel a little embarrassed being 30 years of age and asking for people's opinions and ideas on this matter. At this point I should know better but I'm questioning my patience on this situation.
The deal is, there's this woman I met at the beginning of the year. She's beautiful, intelligent, independent and has a lot of qualities that I am really attracted to in a woman. We've hung out about 4 times since we met and only 4 times because we live a long distance (only about 2 hours and change going and coming from 2 different states) and we have our own lives. Besides our schedules conflicting and life taking over at certain points, we don't habgout too often. We do make the time though. The times we hung out were really great and we have been more comfortable with each other every time we hangout. I'm very attracted to her but I have no clue how attracted she is to me, if at all. If I had to bet though, I think there's an attraction there but I'm so oblivious if women are attracted to me unless they show me in some way or form.
The main issue I have with her is the communication. There's moments where I'll text her and she won't get back to me in days or get back to me unless I send her another text. Then she replies to my previous texts and it bothers me because I don't want to feel like Im bothering her or for her to feel like I'm bothering her. And I'm not about to start asking anyone to reply to me promptly. It's not anything important so it doesn't bother me that much but then it's like she's active on social media but yet forgets to text me. It bugs me but I don't say anything to her about it because we're not at that stage and we're not even dating.
The thing is, if there's potential for us to date or more, I want to have an idea of what's going on. I don't want to be that person who's putting more into the relationship than the other, or to feel like I'm chore to date. I DO NOT hassle her, I do NOT send her hundreds of text just to bother her. My text are short and with meaning and I'm not the type that needs constant communication but it's also nice to know that the other person doesn't just "forget" to reply.
It just bugs me out because she seems to appreciate me and seems to enjoy when I hit her up but it's usually when she doesn't hear from me in a while.
I'm trying to be patient here. Because if this doesn't work out, I'm going to quit the dating game for a few months and focus entirely on myself and other things in my life. Or rather, I'll be that MUCH more focused on my endeavors. I'm not a needy person but I definitely appreciate reciprocation. If I do a little more, whatever. I'm a hard worker so I always do a little more but I can't initiate everything. Dating is so damn hard these days, what the heck?
So you've been on 4 dates with her. How did they end? With physical contact, sex or at least a kiss? Don't worry about texting, take your cues from how she acts toward you when you are actually together.
If there has been no physical contact, despite your efforts to initiate it, I would say she is not feeling it for you. But that should not stop you from dating others. Why would it?
So you've been on 4 dates with her. How did they end? With physical contact, sex or at least a kiss? Don't worry about texting, take your cues from how she acts toward you when you are actually together.
If there has been no physical contact, despite your efforts to initiate it, I would say she is not feeling it for you. But that should not stop you from dating others. Why would it?
This, OP. Why do you want to take the easy way out and assume a lack of success with her means you should become a monk? Giving up is easy! And here it would be based on a lack of compatibility, not your PERSONAL lacking.
No need to blame either her or yourself, chalk it up to you needing to find someone better suited to you. No biggie...now get out there!
Okay, I feel a little embarrassed being 30 years of age and asking for people's opinions and ideas on this matter. At this point I should know better but I'm questioning my patience on this situation.
The deal is, there's this woman I met at the beginning of the year. She's beautiful, intelligent, independent and has a lot of qualities that I am really attracted to in a woman. We've hung out about 4 times since we met and only 4 times because we live a long distance (only about 2 hours and change going and coming from 2 different states) and we have our own lives. Besides our schedules conflicting and life taking over at certain points, we don't habgout too often. We do make the time though. The times we hung out were really great and we have been more comfortable with each other every time we hangout. I'm very attracted to her but I have no clue how attracted she is to me, if at all. (1) If I had to bet though, I think there's an attraction there but I'm so oblivious if women are attracted to me unless they show me in some way or form.
The main issue I have with her is the communication. There's moments where I'll text her and she won't get back to me in days or get back to me unless I send her another text. (2A) Then she replies to my previous texts and it bothers me because I don't want to feel like Im bothering her or for her to feel like I'm bothering her. And I'm not about to start asking anyone to reply to me promptly. It's not anything important so it doesn't bother me that much but then it's like she's active on social media but yet forgets to text me. (2B) It bugs me but I don't say anything to her about it because we're not at that stage and we're not even dating.
The thing is, if there's potential for us to date or more, I want to have an idea of what's going on. I don't want to be that person who's putting more into the relationship than the other, or to feel like I'm chore to date. (3) I DO NOT hassle her, I do NOT send her hundreds of text just to bother her. My text are short and with meaning and I'm not the type that needs constant communication but it's also nice to know that the other person doesn't just "forget" to reply.
It just bugs me out because she seems to appreciate me and seems to enjoy when I hit her up but it's usually when she doesn't hear from me in a while. (4)
I'm trying to be patient here. Because if this doesn't work out, I'm going to quit the dating game for a few months and focus entirely on myself and other things in my life. Or rather, I'll be that MUCH more focused on my endeavors. I'm not a needy person but I definitely appreciate reciprocation. (5) If I do a little more, whatever. I'm a hard worker so I always do a little more but I can't initiate everything. Dating is so damn hard these days, what the heck?
What are your opinions?
(1) For the most part, if you have to ask yourself whether a woman likes you---and not in a laid-back, idly fantasizing kind of way, like you would with a colleague or a friend---the answer is "no". Women are smart. They know how certain statements or touches make men feel. So if they want to convey their interest, they will do so.
(2) She is your priority while you are her option. Just consider how she replies quickly to whoever contacts her on social media, but takes a day to reply to your texts.
(3) You're investing more than you're getting in return already, and resentment comes through in your writing style. See #2.
(4) She sees you mostly as a time-filler at best, and a minimally pleasant obligation at worst. The way you describe that woman, it doesn't sound like either of you enjoys having the other person in their life very much. So why continue this silly dance?
(5) This woman is not giving you the reciprocation you want. Ghost her. I doubt she'll be too upset.
(1) For the most part, if you have to ask yourself whether a woman likes you---and not in a laid-back, idly fantasizing kind of way, like you would with a colleague or a friend---the answer is "no". Women are smart. They know how certain statements or touches make men feel. So if they want to convey their interest, they will do so.
(2) She is your priority while you are her option. Just consider how she replies quickly to whoever contacts her on social media, but takes a day to reply to your texts.
(3) You're investing more than you're getting in return already, and resentment comes through in your writing style. See #2.
(4) She sees you mostly as a time-filler at best, and a minimally pleasant obligation at worst. The way you describe that woman, it doesn't sound like either of you enjoys having the other person in their life very much. So why continue this silly dance?
(5) This woman is not giving you the reciprocation you want. Ghost her. I doubt she'll be too upset.
Have to agree with this. She's just not that interested, at least romantically. Of course you could always be blunt and ask her. It's better than waiting around and playing this "does she or doesn't she" game. At least you'd know and could move on.
Just recalibrate your thinking. Be realistic. You're two states away. You have a lot of obstacles, and she does seem lukewarm.
Pull back, but in the meantime adjust your expectations. For anything to work between you, you need a lot more than you're getting. She will only give that if she really wants to. You can force it. So why spend time and energy lamenting it?
Begin to view her as a possibility, not a certainty. Focus on more attainable women closer to you. And never give up.
Sure it is but isn't she already doing that by ignoring his texts for days and only responding after he sends another? I get it that she probably doesn't see this relationship like he does and her apparent lack of effort kind of reinforces the idea that she sees him as nothing more than a friend, if that.
Sure it is but isn't she already doing that by ignoring his texts for days and only responding after he sends another? I get it that she probably doesn't see this relationship like he does and her apparent lack of effort kind of reinforces the idea that she sees him as nothing more than a friend, if that.
If she were ghosting, she'd never reply at all so no she's not doing the same thing.
If you're grown enough to be trying to sleep with a woman, then you should be grown enough to speak your damn mind.
If I were you, I would make a move fairly early in the date. If I get turned down, I would try again later in the date. If I still get turned down, I would put on a BIG show. Be upset (in a sensitive, not angry way). Tell her you really like her at this point.
Then DISAPPEAR.
She'll wonder what's going on and will most likely initiate contact on a later date.
Yes, this is playing games. But, unfortunately, this is what works in dating these days. (And, yes, I've done this before)
Of course, this may not work. In that case, onto the next one!
So you've been on 4 dates with her. How did they end? With physical contact, sex or at least a kiss? Don't worry about texting, take your cues from how she acts toward you when you are actually together.
If there has been no physical contact, despite your efforts to initiate it, I would say she is not feeling it for you. But that should not stop you from dating others. Why would it?
No sex or kiss. We have talked a lot about sex though. We're also not the PDA type and a little reserved. Maybe under different circumstances (if we are both under the liquid courage, or in complete privacy, like alone in a house together) I or her would make the approach to be more physical. We have become more playful with each other though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
This, OP. Why do you want to take the easy way out and assume a lack of success with her means you should become a monk? Giving up is easy! And here it would be based on a lack of compatibility, not your PERSONAL lacking.
No need to blame either her or yourself, chalk it up to you needing to find someone better suited to you. No biggie...now get out there!
I'm not saying I'll give up on dating completely but just for a little while. Sometimes it's best to just focus on yourself then trying to get laid, for a little while.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
(1) For the most part, if you have to ask yourself whether a woman likes you---and not in a laid-back, idly fantasizing kind of way, like you would with a colleague or a friend---the answer is "no". Women are smart. They know how certain statements or touches make men feel. So if they want to convey their interest, they will do so.
(2) She is your priority while you are her option. Just consider how she replies quickly to whoever contacts her on social media, but takes a day to reply to your texts.
(3) You're investing more than you're getting in return already, and resentment comes through in your writing style. See #2.
(4) She sees you mostly as a time-filler at best, and a minimally pleasant obligation at worst. The way you describe that woman, it doesn't sound like either of you enjoys having the other person in their life very much. So why continue this silly dance?
(5) This woman is not giving you the reciprocation you want. Ghost her. I doubt she'll be too upset.
2) No, no, no. Whatever happens between her and I, there's absolutely no resentment on my behalf. I'm not one of those bitter males who become resentful towards woman when things don't workout. I've been successful and I haven't been successful before. It's the name of the game of dating. Unless she does something that absolutely warrants me to detest her, no resentment on my part.
4) No way. We actually have a GREAT time together and she has told me she had a really great time as well. My qualm is that I'm trying to figure her out. She's not the most expressive type when it comes to her feelings. She's quite stoic but she shows vulnerability and let's her guard down once in a while, she's a little shy in some aspects. She's not like other woman whom I was able to read a lot easier. Maybe I should have been more clear.
5) She'll survive indeed.
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