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Sure it is but isn't she already doing that by ignoring his texts for days and only responding after he sends another? I get it that she probably doesn't see this relationship like he does and her apparent lack of effort kind of reinforces the idea that she sees him as nothing more than a friend, if that.
This is a classic "go away peacefully" move, a 2017 equivalent of ye olde "I have to wash my hair tonight." She's trying to frustrate the OP into giving up by being "busy" (read: difficult to communicate with). It's not the politest thing, but it's a harsh reality of the dating world. I know because back in my shy teenage days, I had girls give me the "busy" excuse when I asked them out. Fortunately, I got the hint after two or three attempts; I believed it the first time, then harbored (false) hope. Oh well, at least I didn't make enemies. One girl even offered to be friends, but back then, I didn't see benefit in it, so I politely turned her down.
Edited to add:
I realize that the OP's lady friend may be a slow communicator, and not uninterested. But when a woman's actions come off as lack of interest, it's enough to kill my own interest as well. I'll be polite about it (or maybe ghost, if need be), but I won't want to keep trying with her, either.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 06-02-2017 at 09:10 AM..
You talk about having it together? About your sexual histories? What?
It seems beyond weird that you are engaging in sexy talk but when you are together you are chaste as children. Shouldn't titillating each other online translate into at least a kiss when together? I mean, for me, I would probably be attacking my sexting partner at first sight from pent up frustration.
What am I not understanding? Is this a generational thing?
It seems beyond weird that you are engaging in sexy talk but when you are together you are chaste as children. Shouldn't titillating each other online translate into at least a kiss when together? I mean, for me, I would probably be attacking my sexting partner at first sight from pent up frustration.
You know, this reminds me of a woman I once met online. I sent a message, she replied, yada yada yada. For the two weeks we talked, while messaging each other daily and chatting on AIM (it was that long ago ), she made raunchy jokes and references to herself being a good masseuse. But when I suggested meeting, she gave excuses about having been hurt before, and told me she wants to talk for another three weeks before meeting. That when something did not compute! Why would she be so "brave" online, but refuse to meet for a mundane 1-hour coffee date? I ended things with her there and then. Luckily, I met another woman online shortly later, went on a real date with her just ten days after sending the first message, and ended up seeing her (and all it entailed ) for a few months.
OP, your situation sounds awfully similar, although you and your lady friend at least met. Correct me if I'm wrong.
You sound like a very cool person, so if you want to pursue this, I encourage you to step up your written game.
If you're both shy, messaging is a great opportunity to expresss yourself without "liquid courage."
If you haven't kissed her in 4 dates you have to flirt more in your DMs. Something has to intensify, OP.
Thank you for the kind words. And I agree, I've gone over this in my head. I have to most definitely intensify the interaction between us. Whether or not she goes along with it, I have nothing to lose. It's much better to try and fail then to wonder and never know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
This is a classic "go away peacefully" move, a 2017 equivalent of ye olde "I have to wash my hair tonight." She's trying to frustrate the OP into giving up by being "busy" (read: difficult to communicate with). It's not the politest thing, but it's a harsh reality of the dating world. I know because back in my shy teenage days, I had girls give me the "busy" excuse when I asked them out. Fortunately, I got the hint after two or three attempts; I believed it the first time, then harbored (false) hope. Oh well, at least I didn't make enemies. One girl even offered to be friends, but back then, I didn't see benefit in it, so I politely turned her down.
Edited to add:
I realize that the OP's lady friend may be a slow communicator, and not uninterested. But when a woman's actions come off as lack of interest, it's enough to kill my own interest as well. I'll be polite about it (or maybe ghost, if need be), but I won't want to keep trying with her, either.
Well, the thing is we actually hung out and plan on hanging out soon in fact. She sounded excited to hangout, so who knows.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hackopotamus
Here's an idea, instead of texting why don't you just call her when you have something to say? That way you won't have to wait days for a response!
Then, man up and ask her what her feelings are and tell her yours, you know, like grown ups do!
OK, just busting your butt here a little. Good luck!
Haha. Thanks for the good luck.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
What do you mean, you talk about sex?
You talk about having it together? About your sexual histories? What?
It seems beyond weird that you are engaging in sexy talk but when you are together you are chaste as children. Shouldn't titillating each other online translate into at least a kiss when together? I mean, for me, I would probably be attacking my sexting partner at first sight from pent up frustration.
What am I not understanding? Is this a generational thing?
Well, when we did discuss sex it seemed as if were hinting stuff to each other but not fully being direct. I'm usually more direct but I also understand some women can be a little intimated and are more protective of their sexuality. So when I notice they are like that, I tend to feel it out and see where my limits. Once I feel I can break that limit, I'll be more explicit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GKelly
I don't get this. If so and so isn't reciprocating like you want then back off. Why is that such a hard concept to get?
Because we actually have hung out and communicated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
You know, this reminds me of a woman I once met online. I sent a message, she replied, yada yada yada. For the two weeks we talked, while messaging each other daily and chatting on AIM (it was that long ago ), she made raunchy jokes and references to herself being a good masseuse. But when I suggested meeting, she gave excuses about having been hurt before, and told me she wants to talk for another three weeks before meeting. That when something did not compute! Why would she be so "brave" online, but refuse to meet for a mundane 1-hour coffee date? I ended things with her there and then. Luckily, I met another woman online shortly later, went on a real date with her just ten days after sending the first message, and ended up seeing her (and all it entailed ) for a few months.
OP, your situation sounds awfully similar, although you and your lady friend at least met. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Oh heck no. I don't deal with women like that at all. The moment she makes 1000 excuses to not hangout, I throw any relationship like that in the trash. I'm patient but not at all that patient.
Like I mentioned before, her and I actually hung out so it's not like she never wants to hangout.
Well, I don't know. My initial reaction was, "She's travelling for hours to see you, or you're meeting in the middle somewhere, or taking turns driving out of state for each other, and you don't know if she's interested?!" If you're doing all the driving, then yeah, maybe she's not that into you. If she's doing some of the travelling, she'd have to be pretty interested, in order to be motivated to cover that distance.
Why don't you CALL her, OP? Do you two ever have phone chats? You can tell a lot more from a live phone convo than from dead texting. Just saying. I think you're still in the game. What do these hang-outs consist of? Maybe dial it up a notch, and buy her lunch. That should send a signal.
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Good luck!
), she made raunchy jokes and references to herself being a good masseuse. But when I suggested meeting, she gave excuses about having been hurt before, and told me she wants to talk for another three weeks before meeting. 
That when something did not compute! Why would she be so "brave" online, but refuse to meet for a mundane 1-hour coffee date? I ended things with her there and then. Luckily, I met another woman online shortly later, went on a real date with her just ten days after sending the first message, and ended up seeing her (and all it entailed 
