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Do yourself a favor. Stop listening to this garbage. It isn't that online dating has ruined anything (quite the opposite) its this overthinking and over analyzing and trying to deduce nefarious intentions in anything. Things in reality aren't much different than thirty years ago. People meet, there is chemistry and attraction (or not), fi there is, it is explored and things work out, or they don't. Simple. It's our minds that get in the way, and this pop psych (and even worse, crud pop biology), that we allow to interfere that messes blank up.
Thats your opinion. Much of it comes from people with PHDs in Psychology, not "pop" psychology. Its not just B.S., its real science of dating and the differences between men and women. That's what I study. And I disagree, things are VERY different than 30 years ago. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by rocky1975
Lots of 'coping' in this thread about the non-existence of "market value". Yes it is a thing and based on biology and loss of "glow"
Well, I'm a 45 year old dude and I don't see it at all. It's "biology" with a small "b", in other words, biological based rationalizations from people with no biological training.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
Thats your opinion. Much of it comes from people with PHDs in Psychology, not "pop" psychology. Its not just B.S., its real science of dating and the differences between men and women. That's what I study. And I disagree, things are VERY different than 30 years ago. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that.
Really? You're reading peer reviewed journal articles and non pop psychology articles and blogs on it?
Ok, I took that you're reading pop stuff on the web and in general magazines (not scientific journals). My bad.
The one difference in dating between now and 30 years ago is that I'm 30 years older. That is the one legit difference.
It is slim for most of us. I listen to relationship podcasts and read a lot of psychology books. The thing that's changed a lot from the male perspective (as it relates to online dating specifically, which has ruined us) is this feeling women have of an abundance of available "bigger better deals" as it relates to men. Hence they have a list of 53 "must haves", rather than 5 must haves and many "nice to haves". I've been through this exercise myself, and I know what my must haves are. Its not a huge list.
Maybe your problem is the overanalyzing and overdoing it. I just dumped a guy after 3 months of dating because everything he said and did seemed like he read it somewhere. He tried to manipulate me into liking him more by acting like he has the same hobbies. He tried to tell me my SMV (Sexual Market Value) goes down every year - to make me think I am soooo glad that I have found him. Doing those texting games - if I don't respond right away, he doesn't respond anymore either so I miss him more. He spoke about marriage right away, when he realized I don't care, he spoke about me not having to work anymore if I stick with him. Whatever I said I want or like, he was totally into it "since a long time" - total lies. He was so desperate to get me to like him, I started resenting him until I couldn't take it anymore. And he was controlling, too - trying to be with me every minute and trying to please me so badly that I couldn't even respect him anymore.
Be yourself man, don't get too much into relationship classes/readings/podcast, you are ruining the fun out of relationships by analyzing every peep she says.
I'll take advice from people with experience, otherwise they're just guessing and making observations. My own experience is much more fact based than reading about someone else's observations.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
Be yourself man, don't get too much into relationship classes/readings/podcast, you are ruining the fun out of relationships by analyzing every peep she says.
Too many people do this. Dating is about having fun.
Thats your opinion. Much of it comes from people with PHDs in Psychology, not "pop" psychology. Its not just B.S., its real science of dating and the differences between men and women. That's what I study. And I disagree, things are VERY different than 30 years ago. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that.
Then you probably know what confirmation bias means. Yes, dating is different thanks to the internet. People now have access to a larger pool. And, at first, that can make it feel like you have a lot of options. But talk to anyone who's done online dating and they'll voice the same complaint. "I see the same profiles year after year." IMO, you're frustrated with dating and looking to blame the people in the dating pool or the times we live in. But despite how technology has changed our lives, I think the fundamentals are the same. OLD is just giving you alternative ways of meeting someone.
Maybe your problem is the overanalyzing and overdoing it. I just dumped a guy after 3 months of dating because everything he said and did seemed like he read it somewhere. He tried to manipulate me into liking him more by acting like he has the same hobbies. He tried to tell me my SMV (Sexual Market Value) goes down every year - to make me think I am soooo glad that I have found him. Doing those texting games - if I don't respond right away, he doesn't respond anymore either so I miss him more. He spoke about marriage right away, when he realized I don't care, he spoke about me not having to work anymore if I stick with him. Whatever I said I want or like, he was totally into it "since a long time" - total lies. He was so desperate to get me to like him, I started resenting him until I couldn't take it anymore. And he was controlling, too - trying to be with me every minute and trying to please me so badly that I couldn't even respect him anymore.
Be yourself man, don't get too much into relationship classes/readings/podcast, you are ruining the fun out of relationships by analyzing every peep she says.
Yup, blows my mind how some of these 40+ year olds still play games. A 47 year old guy I briefly dated said he was so surprised how direct I was with him and how I didn't play games. I was like, really? Who are these women you date? It turns out he plays games himself, that's why. I could've sworn he bought those pay-for-texts to prove how many women were after him. He would tell me how he had to cancel a date just right before our date. The list went on...
Maybe I'm being too assertive and men don't like that, but if I really like you, I'm going to ask you out if you haven't already. I'm getting too old to be that 16 year old girl waiting for her dream guy to approach her. If I get rejected, I move on. I don't know why, but I don't mind getting rejected. It really motivates me to better myself after I get rejected. If I don't like you, I will tell you I'm not interested. Often times, I'll even tell them the real reason why it didn't work out.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by AhRainess
Yup, blows my mind how these 40+ year olds still play games. A 47 year old guy I briefly dated said he was so surprised how direct I was with him and how I didn't play games. I was like, really? Who are these women you date? It turns out he plays games himself, that's why. I could've sworn he bought those pay-for-texts to prove how many women were after him. He would tell me how he had to cancel a date just right before our date. The list went on...
Maybe I'm being too assertive and men don't like that, but if I really like you, I'm going to ask you out if you haven't already. I'm getting too old to be that 16 year old girl waiting for her dream guy to approach her. If I get rejected, I move on. I don't know why, but I don't mind getting rejected. It really motivates me to better myself after I get rejected. If I don't like you, I will tell you I'm not interested. Often times, I'll even tell them the real reason why it didn't work out.
Maybe your problem is the overanalyzing and overdoing it. I just dumped a guy after 3 months of dating because everything he said and did seemed like he read it somewhere. He tried to manipulate me into liking him more by acting like he has the same hobbies. He tried to tell me my SMV (Sexual Market Value) goes down every year - to make me think I am soooo glad that I have found him. Doing those texting games - if I don't respond right away, he doesn't respond anymore either so I miss him more. He spoke about marriage right away, when he realized I don't care, he spoke about me not having to work anymore if I stick with him. Whatever I said I want or like, he was totally into it "since a long time" - total lies. He was so desperate to get me to like him, I started resenting him until I couldn't take it anymore. And he was controlling, too - trying to be with me every minute and trying to please me so badly that I couldn't even respect him anymore.
Be yourself man, don't get too much into relationship classes/readings/podcast, you are ruining the fun out of relationships by analyzing every peep she says.
That sounds more like a character flaw to me. This stuff actually helps me and I don't manipulate anyone. How can learning to communicate better with the opposite sex be seen as a negative?
Yup, blows my mind how some of these 40+ year olds still play games. A 47 year old guy I briefly dated said he was so surprised how direct I was with him and how I didn't play games. I was like, really? Who are these women you date? It turns out he plays games himself, that's why. I could've sworn he bought those pay-for-texts to prove how many women were after him. He would tell me how he had to cancel a date just right before our date. The list went on...
Maybe I'm being too assertive and men don't like that, but if I really like you, I'm going to ask you out if you haven't already. I'm getting too old to be that 16 year old girl waiting for her dream guy to approach her. If I get rejected, I move on. I don't know why, but I don't mind getting rejected. It really motivates me to better myself after I get rejected. If I don't like you, I will tell you I'm not interested. Often times, I'll even tell them the real reason why it didn't work out.
Amen! That's how you should be! Wish more women were like you!
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