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I just turned 29 years old and I'm still a virgin. I have had self esteem issues growing up and I feel like this has alot to do with it. This really gets under my skin and I'm afraid it's really going to limit the amount of dates I can get in the future, once I build my self esteem.
How should I pursue handling this situation? There's a girl I work with that I hang out with sometimes and I can tell she likes me but I'm really not interested in her. In fact, I feel like hanging out with her comes as an advantage to me because I can get experience on how to interact with women. I also just started making alot more money this year, as I have just gotten my bachelor's degree and now have a pretty good job. Ever since I started making money, I started going on many snowboarding trips, and I just started going to hostels last July. I have been to the South Beach and San Diego. I felt like these hostels really helped build my self confidence to talk to strangers. I have interacted with some girls and I felt like they thought I was attractive but my lack of self confidence killed my chances of triggering a major attraction. Even though I'm extremely skinny, I'm pretty good looking so I'm confident about my looks. I'm just not confident about my lack of experience.
I do feel like my self esteem is slowly building but how can I fix the thought that there's somthing wrong with me? I'm afraid that most women are going to be put off by the fact that I've never been in an intimate relationship. Do you believe that I still have a chance of ever having a successful dating life?
I'm going to go out on a limb and make a daring suggestion. But take it under advisement.
Brothels. Lot's of friendly girls. You can just go there to talk and nothing else. Pay them to talk to you. Ask them to teach you. Practice with them. Well, in my country brothels are legal.
I practice on supermarket checkout girls. You can gauge their reaction by comparing their response to against the customer before you. I try to get a bigger or better "have a nice day". Then there is the internet. All my girlfriends since my divorce were internet and not necessarily dating sites. I have a close friend from this very site.
Then there are 'naughty' sites. Those are scams for money but you do get a few women to talk to. Those of course, want to talk sex. So talk sex. But don't pay out. And don't go on their video chat's. That's part of the scam. It's just talking to women practice.
Even though I'm extremely skinny, I'm pretty good looking...
I'm afraid that most women are going to be put off by the fact that I've never been in an intimate relationship.
Do you believe that I still have a chance of ever having a successful dating life?
Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
There's no reason to tell random women that you haven't been in an intimate relationship. I don't remember ever asking anybody that, in fact I just assumed they were- and if they didn't talk about other women that was a good thing
You can be honest about the part where you would like somebody to be more aggressive though, ask her what she wants, tell her you need guidance because you want to please her. I really don't think there's a way to fake experience, you're just going to have to start someplace, and get your experience.
There's no reason to tell random women that you haven't been in an intimate relationship. I don't remember ever asking anybody that, in fact I just assumed they were- and if they didn't talk about other women that was a good thing
You can be honest about the part where you would like somebody to be more aggressive though, ask her what she wants, tell her you need guidance because you want to please her. I really don't think there's a way to fake experience, you're just going to have to start someplace, and get your experience.
No, it's not all over for you.
Eh, maybe not necessarily fake, but every new partner enjoys and likes different things.
Eh, maybe not necessarily fake, but every new partner enjoys and likes different things.
Do you remember a time when you had no experience and knew nothing about sex? Some things you may have done could have been described as not enjoyable, and perhaps made the experience end early... In fact I'm thinking of something right now, and if the person would have just said "I need some guidance or suggestions, it actually wouldn'tve been that bad to have guided him. At least he'd have an experience to fall back on.
Sorry, PG 13.
I just looked up the definition of "brothel" and I'm almost certain things like that are illegal here in the US. Besides, that's not really my style. I personally don't have anything against it but I just don't believe in fixing a problem in a way that's so superficial.
I work as a medical technologist so most of my coworkers are females. I work with some that are around my age but I'm not interested in any of them. Some of them are constantly telling me that "I need to find a wife."
I'm not really concerned about the fact that I'm not married or have kids, but I am upset about the fact that I have never really experienced intimacy. I have gone on dates with females years ago but I never moved in on any of them. I remember after going on a date with a girl when I was 20 years old, she was going around telling other people that she was upset about the fact that I'm shy and didn't really move in on her.
I do really feel like hostels are great places to attend. I have only been to two of them but I feel like those two have really made a major impact (at least I hope so). When I was in South Beach, I went to the bar with a girl from Spain and she couldn't speak English at all, and we had to use a translator on her phone to talk. She told me on her translator that she thought I was extremely shy, but right after I finished talking to her, I took up the courage to touch her arm and she started giggling. I was pretty happy that move went quite smoothly. I also went to the bar with a girl from Switzerland and I felt like that conversation went well but I never really triggered an attraction. Some Cuban girl walked right past me and said she thought I had beautiful eyes but I wasn't able to act smooth around her so that went no where. I was getting hit on by a Caribbean girl that works at a liquor store but I couldn't work my game up with her either.
I don't really think looks matter much for a male, tbh. I'm proof of it. I think looks can reel them in but having the right game and being able to present yourself well is what triggers the attraction. I feel like I lack in that area so much more greatly than most men.
I need some master pick up artists to teach me on here! Teach me how to present myself well and give an aura of ultra confidence please!
I just looked up the definition of "brothel" and I'm almost certain things like that are illegal here in the US. Besides, that's not really my style. I personally don't have anything against it but I just don't believe in fixing a problem in a way that's so superficial.
I need some master pick up artists to teach me on here! Teach me how to present myself well and give an aura of ultra confidence please!
I did not suggest paying for sex. Just the talking thing. Make that part clear to them. But that's not what you want to do so that's fine.
I started out life not being very good with women. While I am not a master pickup artist and never will be, I did become quite good at finding girlfriends. And no, I did not go the brothel route.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stea1th
I don't really think looks matter much for a male, tbh. I'm proof of it. I think looks can reel them in but having the right game and being able to present yourself well is what triggers the attraction. I feel like I lack in that area so much more greatly than most men.
Now this is the crux of the matter. You need to find out what you have that women might like. Develop it. Learn to apply it. Exploit it.
I was basically hopeless. Now, I get almost every woman I date - that's not too many simply because when I date them and they stay. Oh yes, learn to filter them before you actually date them.
I just looked up the definition of "brothel" and I'm almost certain things like that are illegal here in the US. Besides, that's not really my style. I personally don't have anything against it but I just don't believe in fixing a problem in a way that's so superficial.
I work as a medical technologist so most of my coworkers are females. I work with some that are around my age but I'm not interested in any of them. Some of them are constantly telling me that "I need to find a wife."
I'm not really concerned about the fact that I'm not married or have kids, but I am upset about the fact that I have never really experienced intimacy. I have gone on dates with females years ago but I never moved in on any of them. I remember after going on a date with a girl when I was 20 years old, she was going around telling other people that she was upset about the fact that I'm shy and didn't really move in on her.
I do really feel like hostels are great places to attend. I have only been to two of them but I feel like those two have really made a major impact (at least I hope so). When I was in South Beach, I went to the bar with a girl from Spain and she couldn't speak English at all, and we had to use a translator on her phone to talk. She told me on her translator that she thought I was extremely shy, but right after I finished talking to her, I took up the courage to touch her arm and she started giggling. I was pretty happy that move went quite smoothly. I also went to the bar with a girl from Switzerland and I felt like that conversation went well but I never really triggered an attraction. Some Cuban girl walked right past me and said she thought I had beautiful eyes but I wasn't able to act smooth around her so that went no where. I was getting hit on by a Caribbean girl that works at a liquor store but I couldn't work my game up with her either.
I don't really think looks matter much for a male, tbh. I'm proof of it. I think looks can reel them in but having the right game and being able to present yourself well is what triggers the attraction. I feel like I lack in that area so much more greatly than most men.
I need some master pick up artists to teach me on here! Teach me how to present myself well and give an aura of ultra confidence please!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you communicate very well. I think so anyway. Just be you. You don't need "game", or a "pick up artist". Just be you. The right girl for you will like you for who you are. Present yourself well, by being the best you you can be. And congrats on the degree and the new better paying job, that rocks.
There's no reason to tell random women that you haven't been in an intimate relationship. I don't remember ever asking anybody that, in fact I just assumed they were- and if they didn't talk about other women that was a good thing
You can be honest about the part where you would like somebody to be more aggressive though, ask her what she wants, tell her you need guidance because you want to please her. I really don't think there's a way to fake experience, you're just going to have to start someplace, and get your experience.
No, it's not all over for you.
Sure - OP can say "tell me what you like"...stuff like that.
But OP - I don't think it's a good idea to try to relieve your anxiety by announcing you've never had sex and never "even" been in a relationship thinking that then you've sufficiently lowered their expectations so that you have a better chance. No - that just puts the pressure on THEM. A woman won't mind showing you what they like but some won't like teaching you about what WOMEN like - just show your interest in them and your desire to know what they want and like.
Online dating. My site of choice is Plenty of Fish. I'm 30 and while have been in relationships, only two lomg term ones. That said, I'm not as good in person. I am mostly introverted except if I am comfortable.
That said about this topic, don't post it. It is baggage to post it on a profile. It's like mentioning an ex. Plenty of Fish don't have as much to write so it might bee a good start. I would also not mention it unless asked on a date or you get serious.
Going to a brothel, is something I couldn't do. As I says, I was in a mostly similar boat to you so maybe I'm not speaking out of turn here. I would be so socially awkward to talk sex with a stranger in person.
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