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On the one hand, yes, it's not that difficult to send a text, but on the other, in a true emergency, generally one's first inclination isn't to keep that guy from the dating app whom you haven't met yet posted on your whereabouts. If it's not a pattern, and the person is truly apologetic, there's no harm in giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Oh to clarify - I wasn't talking about a guy from a dating app whom you've never met. I'm talking about someone you're "seeing," even casually - to just disappear for a week if you normally talk or meet up or whatever during that time - it just seems very easy to text someone like that quickly with an update. Even "I'm still alive - just got a family emergency at the moment - we'll talk later" - you know, something like that.
When I was playing the dating game, I was seeing a guy regularly at one time. We talked several times a week, and went out at least once a week. By the way, I wasn't pursuing him (just for the record). This was very much a mutual thing.
We had a good date one weekend and the next Monday he called and said, "Hey, you wanna go out again Saturday night?" "Sure," I said, "That sounds like fun!" So he said, "Well, I'm working out of town right now but should be back Wednesday - let's touch base Wednesday or Thursday and firm up our plans," and I said, "Great - talk with you then!
Wednesday, no call. Thursday, no call. Friday, no call. By 10 am Saturday morning, I had other plans for Saturday night. About 6 pm Saturday he called and said, "So you wanna go out?" No explanation, nothing, just "Hey, it's 6 pm Saturday night - wanna go out?"
I said, "Well, I am going out but when I didn't hear from you, I made other plans." He was pretty surprised by that but hey - don't leave me hanging.
Now, to be fair, that wasn't the last time we went out - I figured that was one way for him to learn my expectations though. He said, "I thought we were going out!" and I said, "The last time we talked, you said you'd call me Wednesday or Thursday to line things out and I never heard from you so I made other plans."
He never gave me a reason, but if he'd said, "Oh , I was just tired - sorry," that wouldn't have made things any better, believe me. Like I said, just text, just COMMUNICATE. It's not that hard.
This wasn't someone I'd just met or never met - this was someone I was dating. We weren't engaged or even "serious," but we were dating and communicating on a very regular basis.
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 10-31-2017 at 01:59 PM..
Oh to clarify - I wasn't talking about a guy from a dating app whom you've never met. I'm talking about someone you're "seeing," even casually - to just disappear for a week if you normally talk or meet up or whatever during that time - it just seems very easy to text someone like that quickly with an update. Even "I'm still alive - just got a family emergency at the moment - we'll talk later" - you know, something like that.
I agree. People aren't that busy that a 30 second text can't be squeezed into their day. With true medical emergencies there are still times of the day that are slow and you are just sitting there.
My dad died recently and we spent hours and hours and hours at the hospital for a few days, half the time my dad was unconscious.
Could have I managed to send a super quick text, of course I could have.
All the people defending the two day deal that the Diss went through must all be milquetoast types because I wouldn't have put up with it either.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
I agree. People aren't that busy that a 30 second text can't be squeezed into their day. With true medical emergencies there are still times of the day that are slow and you are just sitting there.
My dad died recently and we spent hours and hours and hours at the hospital for a few days, half the time my dad was unconscious.
Could have I managed to send a super quick text, of course I could have. .
You COULD have, of course. The point is, would it even be on your mind to do so. I'm not going to think some person I haven't met or met a few times would even have me in their head at all during something serious coming up. It's not the able to, it's the expectation that they would even think of it. I'm a stranger, I SHOULDNT be on their mind.
I think people need to check their self importance, and heck, yes, their egos and "pride" a bit. Being all, 'respect me dammit' and 'I deserve better' doesn't make me feel better, nor does it make other's treat me better, it just makes me come across like a self important blank. Those things aren't having real pride, they're show pride. It has NOTHING to do with being milquetoast or submissive at all, it has to do with taking the high road, and doing the next right thing, and checking one's ego. In addition, there was no "two day deal", what deal at all was there? If I don't hear back from someone day of, I just move on and be like, huh, that's weird and go forward. That's nothing to "deal" with.
The only good thing about a person not giving me a "second chance" in the face of not hearing from me for 48 hrs is that I'll have dodged a bullet. Anyone that is that non-understanding or that hung up on their time being so important and you better "respect" me or whatever off of one incident isn't someone I'd want to get involved with.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
You COULD have, of course. The point is, would it even be on your mind to do so. I'm not going to think some person I haven't met or met a few times would even have me in their head at all during something serious coming up. It's not the able to, it's the expectation that they would even think of it. I'm a stranger, I SHOULDNT be on their mind.
I think people need to check their self importance, and heck, yes, their egos and "pride" a bit. Being all, 'respect me dammit' and 'I deserve better' doesn't make me feel better, nor does it make other's treat me better, it just makes me come across like a self important blank. Those things aren't having real pride, they're show pride. It has NOTHING to do with being milquetoast or submissive at all, it has to do with taking the high road, and doing the next right thing, and checking one's ego. In addition, there was no "two day deal", what deal at all was there? If I don't hear back from someone day of, I just move on and be like, huh, that's weird and go forward. That's nothing to "deal" with.
The only good thing about a person not giving me a "second chance" in the face of not hearing from me for 48 hrs is that I'll have dodged a bullet. Anyone that is that non-understanding or that hung up on their time being so important and you better "respect" me or whatever off of one incident isn't someone I'd want to get involved with.
There was no deal for me. As soon as she didn't respond to my confirmation for the date, I was done with her, she wasn't on my mind until she made shameless attempts to reach out to me. I'm not going to apologize for having standards and expectations for how I'm treated.
Again, this was not a life happened situation, she basically got lazy and didn't respond. Nothing more nothing less. No dead mama or kids. I did the right thing in my eyes. I thought her lack of consideration did not deserve a second chance. I made my choice, I feel I did the right thing. I'm not so weak for companionship I will put up with BS.
A lot of people try to get over on you if you let things slide... Diss claimed she waited 2 days? If you can't find 2 seconds to reply in 2 days, then I'd be pretty much done. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I have no respect for people who pull this bs and wouldn't give them another chance. Ghosting is rude and it shows you have no respect towards that person. One word: Next!
There was no deal for me. As soon as she didn't respond to my confirmation for the date, I was done with her, she wasn't on my mind until she made shameless attempts to reach out to me. I'm not going to apologize for having standards and expectations for how I'm treated.
.
Ah. So since you didn't reply to my question about whether or not the two of you had a confirmed date/time/place that was agreed to that she flaked out on...obviously you didn't.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27
A lot of people try to get over on you if you let things slide... Diss claimed she waited 2 days? If you can't find 2 seconds to reply in 2 days, then I'd be pretty much done. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I have no respect for people who pull this bs and wouldn't give them another chance. Ghosting is rude and it shows you have no respect towards that person. One word: Next!
She didn't ghost though.
Of course, her being "lazy" and not responding doesn't really add up with her trying multiple times (aka shameless attempts (plural)) to get back in touch a couple of days later either.
I just move on and be like, huh, that's weird and go forward. That's nothing to "deal" with.
Me too. "huh, they have a problem." Maybe scared, maybe sleeping, maybe adult child talking about suicide. (That happened to someone I was waiting for.) I didn't think my feelings came first, I don't get hostile and tell them I'M NO CHUMP!
Quote:
The only good thing about a person not giving me a "second chance" in the face of not hearing from me for 48 hrs is that I'll have dodged a bullet.
Right, because what if next year or next week, I'm the one who makes a mistake, or has life get in the way, wants another chance? I have quirks and faults too, if Im expecting to be accepted I know I have to be understanding. If you're perfect and rigid, call me milquetoast, then I know we wouldn't work.
Last edited by RbccL; 11-01-2017 at 12:13 AM..
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