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I have a friend 50 of age and never married. She had a bad relationship experience and once bitten twice shy. She seems no intention of looking for a partner ever and is happy with it. She's living a very active and simple lifestyle, doesn't use internet and loves to travel. Before I didn't understand why she want to close herself up, but as I now see it some things in life are not within our power. She seems a happy person and healthy lifestyle and have no complaints.
My partner is about to turn 59, and I was his first serious relationship, we met when he was 56. Not only never married, but never really partnered. Yet oddly, he is better at the whole relationship thing than pretty much anyone I've ever met, probably for many of the same reasons that kept him single for so long.
1. Standards. He wanted a woman he found attractive and didn't want to settle for someone he did not, merely to ~not be alone.~
2. A seriously cautious overthinker, very risk averse. Has to do with childhood experiences. If everything did not line up (and let's face it, how often does it?) he would talk himself out of taking a chance with someone.
3. Did not want kids. Did not want to be in a position of accidentally getting a woman pregnant, being the cause of a traumatic abortion or stuck raising a child he neither planned for, nor wanted.
4. Perhaps most significantly, he repeatedly did a thing where he befriended men who "seemed to be successful with women" thinking he'd learn from them...then watched them date strippers and trainwrecks, or else get into relationships with decent women and then eff them all up with their own poor behavior. Every such case he watched go down in flames reinforced that he was dodging bullets by being on his own. He said to me, "I always figured...if I'm going to be lonely, I'd rather just be alone."
To me, this behavior and mentality is marvelously uncommon in men. It's not bitter, it's not from constant rejection (he rejected women, too) and he wasn't angry at the world. He was simply not being so short-sighted as to think, "Well I'll get me a hot babe and it'll all work out, what could go wrong?" like most guys I see around me. He asked himself questions about whether it was REALLY a good idea beyond the surface. I respect that. To me, as I got to know and understand him, his solitude was not a matter of "what's wrong with him" but rather "what's right with him."
When we met, he said he was stunned that finally he found someone who "checked all the boxes" for him...and he's been scared to death of screwing it up ever since, but he's getting a little more relaxed about that as time goes by.
He did try online dating a little bit at one point, but it didn't go well for him. And he's afraid of putting too much about himself out there on the internet, because he worries a lot about identity theft and being scammed. Risk averse, as I said. Given the number of scams I saw people try to pull on my ex, when he was really involved in OLD, I don't blame him. Not even just bots and fakes and such, but all the way to actual women who found out my ex is a veteran, and figured they could use him to get pain pills (addicts.) That happened to him multiple times. OLD can have some pretty treacherous terrain to navigate.
Your partner sounds a lot like my cousin. A really good guy, and he WAS interested in marriage, but he always dated the 'wrong' women. Small town, not a whole lot of options, etc.. When he was 47 he met a woman that worked at the hospital where he did and they started dating. Good woman, finally, but it took them seven years to finally tie the knot. She's about 10 years older than him and was terribly jealous of him for a long time but she got over it. If there's one man I've known my whole life who is true blue, wouldn't cheat and is loyal to a fault, it is him. But she wouldn't believe it. They did break up for a while, before they got married, because of her jealousy but they've been married for seven years now and are happy.
I have a male friend in his 50s, never married, but won't do online dating because he thinks "it's all scammers". I think he has potential in the dating pool, though. Many years ago, he told me he only wanted to date someone with a master's degree or higher. That could be part of his problem. Too picky.
I have a Master's but wouldn't date someone who had this as a requirement.
Certainly I've always been the odd one out of all my coworkers in every company I've worked at, since majority are either married or seriously involved with a partner, but it is what it is.
I've come to the realization that no one will ever appreciate and love me like myself. Their loss, not mines.
I'm 41, never married and no intention of doing so. I kind of have my perfect life, and after watching a close relative's life be devastated when she made a poor choice in who she married, I really don't want to disrupt what I have. Close friends that literally span the country, a great work-from-home job with some amazing coworkers, a modest but comfortable house filled with books, a set of pets that are just awesome... What more do I need? It's a life filled with love, fun and joy. Added bonus: I am able to oversee my father's care as he comes to the end of his life with worsening dementia. That's important to me.
And I've got a hot sidepiece for when I'm feeling ... restless
yes, it can be a cesspool, and often is. And little in the way of benefits from an investment of time and energy.
just look at pics of men in their 60's on OurTime.com or POF.com - extremely scary looking. bottom of the barrel.
😳 ...ooh, saves me time from ever looking at that.
I recall when younger, I checked out Match for the hell of it, and found that the men's profile photos (where they were supposed to be making a good impression) were appalling. No smile, zero grooming, not dressed neatly... what are some thinking?
It seems people need to meet (at any age) when involved in some activity, seeing each other about and becoming familiar... if it is possible.
When we were kids, we would get to know the kids in the neighborhood, knock on their door and ask "Can you come out and play?" Easy.
Have met plenty but two l know well are one brother and one sister both never married, 50s.
Not by choice though they've both always wanted to marry but things just haven't happened for them.
l can see why with both.
Have met plenty of guys over the years not married though and swear blind they never will. lt's sure as hell a lot simpler that is for sure.
Me l'd like to get married again but really , after divorce and the trouble women have been , in all honesty l must have rocks in my head.
Are you happier single or would you still like to find a partner?
I'll tell you in nine years when I get there . Life ain't exactly a bowl of cherries, but I'm happier on my own than I would be with someone else to worry about.
yes, it can be a cesspool, and often is. And little in the way of benefits from an investment of time and energy.
just look at pics of men in their 60's on OurTime.com or POF.com - extremely scary looking. bottom of the barrel.
Wow - you can say that again. Sometimes I feel like maybe I should try dating since I've been widowed for over 7 years but when I go on dating sites and look at guys my age they all look so old and decrepit. I'm 63 but look about early 50's according to just about everybody I know and I don't want to date someone who looks like my father. I was married to a much older man and I'm not doing that again. Is it really so hard to find a healthy, fit man in his 60's?
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. Life ain't exactly a bowl of cherries, but I'm happier on my own than I would be with someone else to worry about.
