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Well, she remains in the hospital, and will likely be there for quite awhile. She was making me a gift for Easter, and she's upset she can't finish it. Her birthday is a week from Friday. She may very well be in the hospital then. They've determined that she has kidney stones, but the endoscopy was normal and there has been nothing conclusive over the three or four days she's been in the hospital about the stomach/appetite issues and general weakness. They've given her an anti-emetic to keep the vomiting down and are hydrating her, but other than that, not much going on. She has been doing better on drinking mostly water and is eating better in the hospital.
Let's strip away the dysfunctional family for a minute. Once we do, we still have a problematic situation. Here are the facts.
1) Since last summer, she has gone from being sick but fully mobile, to in the wheelchair, to now essentially bed bound for the last two weeks or so. When we first started talking, she said she was "sick" and had "bad days," but there is a difference between "good and bad days," and wheelchair or bed bound.
Even as recently as a few weeks ago, we could do go out to dinner and such. She's been either been in bed or in the hospital most of the last two weeks. She might not get out for another week or two. After that, it's to a rehab facility in Kingsport, provided there are no urgent crises.
2) She's been sick for two to three years, but the bottom has really fallen out since last summer. There's no sign that she's hit a "bottom" and is recovering. It just seems to be getting worse.
3) She's had fifteen admissions since (I think) last year. She's averaging about one a month. This isn't going to be a relationship where she just goes to the doctor a lot - it's one hospital stay after another. Our life isn't going to be interrupted by brief hospital stays - the hospital stays will be interrupted by brief periods of life and fun.
4) There is no chance of her getting her hips replaced with her general health situation this unstable. Let's say she gets discharged next week, then spends another two weeks (the max I know of) at HealthSouth in rehab. That's a month before "stability," without any other problems. The ortho appointment was canceled this week due to her hospital stay.
5) On a more practical level, intimacy is out of the question indefinitely. She may never have a job.
I really enjoy spending time with her, even if it's just doing something silly on the iPad or coloring books in the hospital, but that's not at all what I thought I was getting into. She can barely get to dinner with me taking care of her in the wheelchair. With that said, seeing her like this breaks my heart. She seems worse by the day. I'm afraid that she's deteriorating so fast that she may be gone soon.
I am very sorry you feel torn. A few of us tried to warn you of this very thing:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
There's no sign that she's hit a "bottom" and is recovering. It just seems to be getting worse.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
... that's not at all what I thought I was getting into.
It's very hard not to say, "We told you so." It won't help though, so I suggest you spend some time with her in the hospital if you want, since you enjoy it and it probably helps her morale. But you really need to bow out, and at the very least if you do visit her, keep it at the hospital. I would cut it off when she goes to rehab. DO NOT go out to her house and get involved with her family anymore.
I am very sorry you feel torn. A few of us tried to warn you of this very thing:
It's very hard not to say, "We told you so." It won't help though, so I suggest you spend some time with her in the hospital if you want, since you enjoy it and it probably helps her morale. But you really need to bow out, and at the very least if you do visit her, keep it at the hospital. I would cut it off when she goes to rehab. DO NOT go out to her house and get involved with her family anymore.
Well, she remains in the hospital, and will likely be there for quite awhile. She was making me a gift for Easter, and she's upset she can't finish it. Her birthday is a week from Friday. She may very well be in the hospital then. They've determined that she has kidney stones, but the endoscopy was normal and there has been nothing conclusive over the three or four days she's been in the hospital about the stomach/appetite issues and general weakness. They've given her an anti-emetic to keep the vomiting down and are hydrating her, but other than that, not much going on. She has been doing better on drinking mostly water and is eating better in the hospital.
Let's strip away the dysfunctional family for a minute. Once we do, we still have a problematic situation. Here are the facts.
1) Since last summer, she has gone from being sick but fully mobile, to in the wheelchair, to now essentially bed bound for the last two weeks or so. When we first started talking, she said she was "sick" and had "bad days," but there is a difference between "good and bad days," and wheelchair or bed bound.
Even as recently as a few weeks ago, we could do go out to dinner and such. She's been either been in bed or in the hospital most of the last two weeks. She might not get out for another week or two. After that, it's to a rehab facility in Kingsport, provided there are no urgent crises.
2) She's been sick for two to three years, but the bottom has really fallen out since last summer. There's no sign that she's hit a "bottom" and is recovering. It just seems to be getting worse.
3) She's had fifteen admissions since (I think) last year. She's averaging about one a month. This isn't going to be a relationship where she just goes to the doctor a lot - it's one hospital stay after another. Our life isn't going to be interrupted by brief hospital stays - the hospital stays will be interrupted by brief periods of life and fun.
4) There is no chance of her getting her hips replaced with her general health situation this unstable. Let's say she gets discharged next week, then spends another two weeks (the max I know of) at HealthSouth in rehab. That's a month before "stability," without any other problems. The ortho appointment was canceled this week due to her hospital stay.
5) On a more practical level, intimacy is out of the question indefinitely. She may never have a job.
I really enjoy spending time with her, even if it's just doing something silly on the iPad or coloring books in the hospital, but that's not at all what I thought I was getting into. She can barely get to dinner with me taking care of her in the wheelchair. With that said, seeing her like this breaks my heart. She seems worse by the day. I'm afraid that she's deteriorating so fast that she may be gone soon.
I don't know exactly what to do.
You enjoy her company. You care for her. Be her friend. Keep doing what you want to with/for her.
I am very sorry you feel torn. A few of us tried to warn you of this very thing:
It's very hard not to say, "We told you so." It won't help though, so I suggest you spend some time with her in the hospital if you want, since you enjoy it and it probably helps her morale. But you really need to bow out, and at the very least if you do visit her, keep it at the hospital. I would cut it off when she goes to rehab. DO NOT go out to her house and get involved with her family anymore.
They will use you without a second thought.
Good points. You could be a friend to her but not a BF.
BTW, where are her actual friends? All of the people who have known her more than two or three weeks?
Last edited by germaine2626; 03-29-2018 at 10:21 PM..
Good points. You could be a friend to her but not a BF.
BTW, where are her actual friends? All of the people who have known her more than two or three weeks?
Her best friend lives in Raleigh and visited her this weekend before she went into the hospital. You have to remember she only had a good year or two after high school then got sick. She went to college in Nashville. All those friends are down there. Some friends and people from her church visited her.
A lot of times when someone is sick or otherwise out of the picture for so long, they seem to be forgotten about. I think that's happening to her a bit.
Things would be different if we were together when she was healthy, and then she got sick.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,007,908 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
It seems weird that someone so sick and disabled would be trolling for dates on Tinder.
That doesn't surprise me. There are so many people with lives that are a complete mess on some sites. They (mostly) know they have no business dating (some even say that first few texts), the common denominator is they have TONS of free time. Tinder for many people is more of a entertainment time killer than anything else.
It seems weird that someone so sick and disabled would be trolling for dates on Tinder.
She said she had "health issues," but there's a difference between someone with an autoimmune disease who has good and bad days and someone that is essentially stuck in bed with over a dozen hospital admissions in the past year. She's bedbound now.
I feel like I was misled on her health issues. I figured we might be able to have a somewhat normal relationship, even with her in the wheelchair. She had been strong enough to roll herself around, transfer between surfaces, etc. Over the last week or two, she's so weak that she can't even do that.
For what it's worth, neither her parents or grandmother have been over there since Tuesday.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
That doesn't surprise me. There are so many people with lives that are a complete mess on some sites. They (mostly) know they have no business dating (some even say that first few texts), the common denominator is they have TONS of free time. Tinder for many people is more of a entertainment time killer than anything else.
I don't know what she was looking for, but the fact that we really do like each other with her being in such bad shape is extremely challenging.
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