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At risk of offending with this analogy, I bought a new car recently. It's not the car I would have bought if I could have bought any car I wanted. But within the options actually available to me, I feel like I made a good choice, and I'm quite happy with it.
At risk of offending with this analogy, I bought a new car recently. It's not the car I would have bought if I could have bought any car I wanted. But within the options actually available to me, I feel like I made a good choice, and I'm quite happy with it.
So did I settle, or did I choose wisely?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chriz Brown
You settled.
So you consider anything less than 100% of what you want, even if such a person does not exist in the entire universe, to be settling?
And you consider any "settling" at all to be unacceptable?
And finally, do you imagine that anyone could meet your expectations 100%?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
At risk of offending with this analogy, I bought a new car recently. It's not the car I would have bought if I could have bought any car I wanted. But within the options actually available to me, I feel like I made a good choice, and I'm quite happy with it.
So did I settle, or did I choose wisely?
My question is did you really need a new car as a necessity? Would you have been ok driving the old car for a while longer until something came out that you went wild and crazy over? I had the same analogy, I’ve been thinking about trading my SUV in but ultimately decided not to because it still serves my needs for now. I don’t look at not upgrading as a bad thing because a new car isn’t a necessity.
This is an angle I attack love from. It is not a necessity for me to fall in love marry or have kids. That is why I don’t feel inclined to settle for my mate. Why settle when I’m perfectly okay not being in a relationship? I think more should realize being single at 30-35 isn’t the end of the world so they don’t have to settle.
If you think choosing from the realistic options available to you is settling, you’re self absorbed and think far too highly of your own dating capital, and will probably be very lonely.
A good looking, employed, kind woman can choose from any number of partners. But she can’t have Orlando Bloom, no matter how much she might think he’s her perfect fit and she deserves him. She isn’t even entitled to a model or tech CEO or chess champion.
Settling, by my definition, is picking a materially unsuitable mate with a major mismatch in values, goals, or beliefs, and hoping that dedication and time will make a match from two people who have no real shared basis to grow a relationship. It’s not about having someone who checks all the dream boxes, but the person who ticks off the few basic ground level boxes and stimulates a desire in you for more of their personal, unique outlook. They are someone you grow with, not someone who actively stifles you or puts you at odds with where you want to be. Settling is ending the search with a genuinely unsuitable partner, not realizing your spouse isn’t everything you ever dreamed and therefore you’re better off without them.
No, I won't settle. But it depends on what you mean by settling. My expectations are that a man is responsible, ambitious, empathetic and an all around great person to be with. So no, I wouldn't settle for anyone who is neither of those things.
Would you say that most people don't end up with their "ideal partner"?
If so. Why?
If not. Why?
You only know it you have a time machine to peer 20 years into the future. I'm happily married almost 27 years. My wife was definitely not my parents' choice or the choice of others close to me. I basically like my four inlaws but their relationship with each other verges on hatred. My mother-in-law and my stepfather-in-law had a litany of complaints about my wife.
But she's been, more than on balance, a great spouse.
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