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How bad would you consider this fight? I’ve grown very used to intense fighting and I started therapy and my therapist agreed it was something that I’m just getting numb to — not really though.
I still feel it.
And it hurts.
Here’s our stupid argument last night. We’ve lived together for 2 years. We have discussed getting married and he promised last year — and now he says late this year or maybe next.
I currently handle all of my own income and bills. The car is in his name though. He has me transfer money every month to pay the car payment. It’s due on the 4th. AGAIN IT'S DUE ON THE FOURTH!!! He starts bugging me around the 15th for the next month. Drives me crazy.
I told him I was a bit short this month and needed to transfer it by the 4th. It’s not late until the 10th.
He said he was already pushing it out via bill pay so asked me to hurry up. I put through the request on Sunday but the transfer takes 24 to 48 hours from bank to bank. But it would arrive by the 4th.
So last night he went to the grocery store and he told me that he was denied because I hadn’t transferred my car payment and he thought I had.
I said it will be there by morning (the 4th) He blew up. He went on and on about how i’m irresponsible and even said “if you believe in God - it’s hard to tell by how much you lie”. He said he didn’t believe I had transferred the money. He even suggested that he may let the car get repossessed because of my "lack of attention"
I said I can’t transfer MORE — wait until the morning. He was screaming and yelling when we came into the family room and then it hit a point that I was done. I said I’m not taking this. I’m going to bed. It was 10:15. he said if you leave — this will help me make a lot of decisions that I need to make! Thank you for giving me the answers I need.
I said WHAT decisions — he said life decisions. I said don’t threaten me…that’s not fair.
He said that it’s clear by my lack of communication (during this stupid fight) that I am not behaving normally. I went to bed and put the covers over my head. He came in and started making noise and said he was packing his things and going to sleep in the other bedroom. We have always had a rule that we don’t do that…and no matter how bad our fights have been — we haven’t done that.
I didn’t say anything. He went into the living room and started watching tv. About 10 minutes later he came in and said he was sick of my silence and that again, it helps him decide what he know he needs to do.
I flipped out — again. I said WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? He said I should know…. he isn’t playing my games.
He said he was going into the other bedroom. I said if you go into the other bedroom to sleep I will just go to a hotel.
He said that if I left the house at all he would lock the doors and never speak to me again and I would never enter his house again.
I said FINE! I threw the covers over my head again and didn’t speak and closed my eyes. He eventually came in around midnight and this morning said he was sorry for getting so mad, but that I infuriate him with my behavior sometimes. Then he saw the money there this morning and said that I was 10 dollars short! I have since learned that he NEVER paid it. It won't go through now until the 7th or something.
All day he’s been trying to joke around with me and I’m not in the mood. I’m still upset and I keep wondering why he keeps threatening to leave me. He says it’s because of my behavior like today — but how am I supposed to be happy and joyful after THAT?
So have you ever had a fight like this before and how often? This is happening almost weekly now…where he talks about making decisions to leave unless I change….
How bad would you consider this fight? I’ve grown very used to intense fighting and I started therapy and my therapist agreed it was something that I’m just getting numb to — not really though.
I still feel it.
And it hurts.
Here’s our stupid argument last night. We’ve lived together for 2 years. We have discussed getting married and he promised last year — and now he says late this year or maybe next.
I currently handle all of my own income and bills. The car is in his name though. He has me transfer money every month to pay the car payment. It’s due on the 4th. AGAIN IT'S DUE ON THE FOURTH!!! He starts bugging me around the 15th for the next month. Drives me crazy.
I told him I was a bit short this month and needed to transfer it by the 4th. It’s not late until the 10th.
He said he was already pushing it out via bill pay so asked me to hurry up. I put through the request on Sunday but the transfer takes 24 to 48 hours from bank to bank. But it would arrive by the 4th.
So last night he went to the grocery store and he told me that he was denied because I hadn’t transferred my car payment and he thought I had.
I said it will be there by morning (the 4th) He blew up. He went on and on about how i’m irresponsible and even said “if you believe in God - it’s hard to tell by how much you lie”. He said he didn’t believe I had transferred the money. He even suggested that he may let the car get repossessed because of my "lack of attention"
I said I can’t transfer MORE — wait until the morning. He was screaming and yelling when we came into the family room and then it hit a point that I was done. I said I’m not taking this. I’m going to bed. It was 10:15. he said if you leave — this will help me make a lot of decisions that I need to make! Thank you for giving me the answers I need.
I said WHAT decisions — he said life decisions. I said don’t threaten me…that’s not fair.
He said that it’s clear by my lack of communication (during this stupid fight) that I am not behaving normally. I went to bed and put the covers over my head. He came in and started making noise and said he was packing his things and going to sleep in the other bedroom. We have always had a rule that we don’t do that…and no matter how bad our fights have been — we haven’t done that.
I didn’t say anything. He went into the living room and started watching tv. About 10 minutes later he came in and said he was sick of my silence and that again, it helps him decide what he know he needs to do.
I flipped out — again. I said WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? He said I should know…. he isn’t playing my games.
He said he was going into the other bedroom. I said if you go into the other bedroom to sleep I will just go to a hotel.
He said that if I left the house at all he would lock the doors and never speak to me again and I would never enter his house again.
I said FINE! I threw the covers over my head again and didn’t speak and closed my eyes. He eventually came in around midnight and this morning said he was sorry for getting so mad, but that I infuriate him with my behavior sometimes. Then he saw the money there this morning and said that I was 10 dollars short! I have since learned that he NEVER paid it. It won't go through now until the 7th or something.
All day he’s been trying to joke around with me and I’m not in the mood. I’m still upset and I keep wondering why he keeps threatening to leave me. He says it’s because of my behavior like today — but how am I supposed to be happy and joyful after THAT?
So have you ever had a fight like this before and how often? This is happening almost weekly now…where he talks about making decisions to leave unless I change….
Hell no.
I'm 50 years old, and I have never had ONE fight like that with a man.
He's definitely threatening you, and he's not in for the long term. It's past time for you to make some decisions of your own that DON'T include him.
Yes, he says he loves me and adores me etc etc. And today I was watching him and he's funny, charming -- neighbors and friends LOVE him. I just stare and think how mean he can be. No one sees that side of him.
We've been together for a long time and I fear leaving him. I fear being alone the most. I'm one of those people that needs to have her eye on someone else to get the motivation to leave. And as painful as this relationship has been, I never have an eye for anyone else.
I worry I never will. I always compare others to him (for his good qualities). My therapist suggested I start dwelling on all the BAD to get the courage to step out on my own.
I fear leaving him. I fear being alone the most. I'm one of those people that needs to have her eye on someone else to get the motivation to leave. And as painful as this relationship has been, I never have an eye for anyone else.
I worry I never will. I always compare others to him (for his good qualities). My therapist suggested I start dwelling on all the BAD to get the courage to step out on my own.
Why is it so darn hard?
Because you apparently don't love or trust yourself, which is the saddest part of all.
It's probably something he senses, too, which is why he is so disrespectful to you. He doesn't think he HAS to respect you because you don't even respect yourself.
Go back and read your words in your OP. If you had a friend who told you that story, would you not encourage her to leave?
Move on OP. No matter how many times you want to keep creating new threads discussing the same relationship issue over and over, the answer is still the same.
True - it does come down to lack of confidence in myself and my ability to move on from him.
Everything reminds me of him, but part of it is that I'm quite isolated. Everything IS him.
NO amount of security or companionship is worth being tied to a person who not only doesn't make you feel happier when they are around but makes you feel WORSE about even being there.
We can't convince you. You have to decide for yourself that you are worth making a break from this abusive dead weight.
It sounds like you've been treated poorly for so long that you can't even envision things being better. You need to snap out of it.
(And if you ARE trolling with more threads about the same d-bag guy, you need a new hobby.)
'I'm not a troll. I just wanted to get objective feedback about how common a fight like this really is...
i hear things like 'nobody is perfect' .... everyone argues. But isn't this a bit over the top? He's just such a respected, charasmatic guy that it's easy for everyone to say I am the problem.
And that's painful to me...
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