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I would expect important, big ticket items to be discussed prior to moving in - expectations of how the relationship will progress (remain status quo, eventually get married, etc.), life goals, be on the same page regarding children, and how finances will be handled.
How trips and vacations are to be handled is not a big ticket item. I mean you can't map out how everything they encounter will be handled prior to moving in. I would also go in with the assumption that there will be times when either will want to take the occasional trip without the other. IMO, it's abnormal and stifling to not be able to go on the occasional trip without your SO.
Generally, I would agree. Getting time with friends is part of a healthy relationship. Personally, I would be taken aback if the person I'm expecting to start a relationship with indicated that our first Christmas was going to be spent apart, as she wanted to spend time with her friends, instead. Holidays are considered family time and, as I would be setting up my new family, that first Christmas would be rather special.
Generally, I would agree. Getting time with friends is part of a healthy relationship. Personally, I would be taken aback if the person I'm expecting to start a relationship with indicated that our first Christmas was going to be spent apart, as she wanted to spend time with her friends, instead. Holidays are considered family time and, as I would be setting up my new family, that first Christmas would be rather special.
That's true. It's strange timing, though maybe the holiday period is the only time her job will give her time off? And why was this sprung on him at the last minute, just before he moves in with her? Did she and Sally only make their plans recently? The OP said the plans aren't written in stone yet. We don't know how this notification was phrased; maybe it was phrased as running the idea by the bf, as in: "Sally and I are planning a trip for the Christmas break. Would you be ok with that?"
I agree with you, that we don't have enough info. And the OP hasn't told us yet, why he's involved; why is he concerned about someone else's issue? We've been getting a number of threads lately, in which people post about someone else's problems, even the problems of strangers from elsewhere on the internet. It's odd.
That's true. It's strange timing, though maybe the holiday period is the only time her job will give her time off? And why was this sprung on him at the last minute, just before he moves in with her? Did she and Sally only make their plans recently? The OP said the plans aren't written in stone yet. We don't know how this notification was phrased; maybe it was phrased as running the idea by the bf, as in: "Sally and I are planning a trip for the Christmas break. Would you be ok with that?"
I agree with you, that we don't have enough info. And the OP hasn't told us yet, why he's involved; why is he concerned about someone else's issue? We've been getting a number of threads lately, in which people post about someone else's problems, even the problems of strangers from elsewhere on the internet. It's odd.
It's "last minute" from the standpoint of the bf, who's about to move in with her. But this may just be a case of bad timing, or poor communication between the two in general; or apparently he assumed she'd be giving all her vacation time to him, or something, and occasional separate trips was never discussed, because she didn't think it was an issue, and had no idea that for him, it was an issue. So now, as he's about to move in with her, and has no place else to live, it comes up as an issue. That's pretty "last minute".
Apparently, they didn't know each other as well as they thought, and they're not a good match for each other; that's what it looks like. Maybe he realized that, and that's why he's cancelling the cruise.
Generally, I would agree. Getting time with friends is part of a healthy relationship. Personally, I would be taken aback if the person I'm expecting to start a relationship with indicated that our first Christmas was going to be spent apart, as she wanted to spend time with her friends, instead. Holidays are considered family time and, as I would be setting up my new family, that first Christmas would be rather special.
But that assumes that this couple are Christian and place value on celebrating Christmas. To some, it's just another day.
Generally, I would agree. Getting time with friends is part of a healthy relationship. Personally, I would be taken aback if the person I'm expecting to start a relationship with indicated that our first Christmas was going to be spent apart, as she wanted to spend time with her friends, instead. Holidays are considered family time and, as I would be setting up my new family, that first Christmas would be rather special.
Yes, I agree with the bolded (if they celebrate Christmas). I would assume so since OP specifically mentioned "over the Christmas holiday". Someone who doesn't celebrate Christmas would not even mention it.
I was focusing more on the fact that he's not okay with her going on any trips without him. From the OP:
"He felt excluded and is not Ok with the idea of not being able to go along on these occasional "girl trips" she wants to go on."
Either way, if he's willing to end the relationship over this slight bump in the road - he's not really in it for the long term anyway. Anyone who's been in any type of relationship knows there will always be a bump - it's working through those bumps together that's important, not simply bolting.
I give up trying to have a rational discussion. Please feel free to beat the OP into submission.
Carry on.
She has a good point, though. The situation as described by the OP has made reference to the fact that they're living in different countries, without telling us where on the planet any of this is taking place. So we know nothing of the people involved, except that a conflict has arisen. In another thread, for example, a new member is telling us about a Persian co-worker. Even in the US, there are people who are non-Christian, plenty of them. There are plenty of American-born people, of generic American parentage, who aren't Christian. I don't think fleetie's point is far-fetched at all. You could definitely be right, but she's also right that we can't assume anything.
And this calls into question why the OP has been so vague about the nationality and/or locations of the people involved.
It's "last minute" from the standpoint of the bf, who's about to move in with her. But this may just be a case of bad timing, or poor communication between the two in general; or apparently he assumed she'd be giving all her vacation time to him, or something, and occasional separate trips was never discussed, because she didn't think it was an issue, and had no idea that for him, it was an issue. So now, as he's about to move in with her, and has no place else to live, it comes up as an issue. That's pretty "last minute".
Apparently, they didn't know each other as well as they thought, and they're not a good match for each other; that's what it looks like. Maybe he realized that, and that's why he's cancelling the cruise.
OK. I can see that. I don't see how cancelling a paid for trip is going to make anything better, and will probably make things worse.
The Christmas time trip isn't set in stone, and there'd be plenty of opportunity to talk before it, but him cancelling the upcoming trip that IS set in stone is drawing the line in the sand, and IMO, it's being petulant.
She has a good point, though. The situation as described by the OP has made reference to the fact that they're living in different countries, without telling us where on the planet any of this is taking place. So we know nothing of the people involved, except that a conflict has arisen. In another thread, for example, a new member is telling us about a Persian co-worker. Even in the US, there are people who are non-Christian, plenty of them. There are plenty of American-born people, of generic American parentage, who aren't Christian. I don't think fleetie's point is far-fetched at all. You could definitely be right, but she's also right that we can't assume anything.
And this calls into question why the OP has been so vague about the nationality and/or locations of the people involved.
Sorry, it's a reach. There was nothing in the OPs post regarding their religious choices. There WAS, however, a mention of Christmas. Why would that be mentioned if not observed?
Seems too often, particularly in this forum, people conflate their issues with the opening post and all rational discussion gets left in the dust. My pie-in-the-sky thinking is that *generally* people come here to look for one of two things: (1) confirmation that what they are doing is right or (2) an outside opinion. I tend to want to respond to the second, as I hope most others would. I don't see much of that in this thread.
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