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I got the idea that she was basically interested in the inheritance in order to replace what she wouldn't be saving toward her own retirement by spending on/for him
That's also how I interpreted the OP.
My suggestion is that OP increase retirement savings to her ideal, and adjust their lifestyle accordingly. If a lifestyle adjustment is unwanted, then she will need to find a partner more financially her equal to pay his half.
Basically, at this stage of your life, rely only on yourself to fund your retirement.
I am not going to read the whole thing but I am having trouble understanding, other than the legal status of marriage, what is different in this relationship and that of two people who dated for 1 year and have been married for 2 years and have widely different incomes? as in, the vast majority of couples.
This seems to me like another way that cohabitating without marriage and the consequent full commingling of finances presents some practical difficulties that dating while maintaining each your own residence and expenses doesn't.
Unfortunately I don't actually have any advice because if you've been "together" for 3 years and haven't gotten married there are probably good reasons for that too.
I wouldn't bank on a cent of that retirement. It's his parents money and they have every right to spent every cent of it if they wanted. Plus if they were to live to 95 years old, and suffer health issues they might need to liquidate assets just to pay for their health care and living arrangements.
Who knows...you might be waiting 30-40 years to see anything, and it might not amount to what you think. The parents could also leave a lot of their estate to charity as well.
You're partner could also blow all the money in a year too and you are back to square one.
Basically, look at your partner for who he is and decide what you want with your life and how happy you'll be with him right now
Unfortunately I don't actually have any advice because if you've been "together" for 3 years and haven't gotten married there are probably good reasons for that too.
Meh. My husband and I were together for 8 years before getting married, lived together for 6 of those years. He just wasn't ready until that point of our life, and that was a good reason.
I wanted to get married. More importantly, I wanted to be married to him. So I waited.
That said, don't listen to these people encouraging you to bail. People find so many stupid reasons to walk out of a relationship. It's pathetic and if the OP does do this, it just show's that she's not relationship material...at least marriage-wise. She can throw the whole "for better or for worst" part out the window, thing is...there's nothing "worst" about this guy's income.
The income disparity is not the reason why we're encouraging her to leave the relationship, at least not from my view. I make 100,000+ and my husband makes around 25,000. We have a fantastic relationship. The reason is that she has some form of resentment at her having to pay for everything and was looking at his family's inheritance as a way to even out the relationship so she can save more money instead of spending it on him. That's a huge problem! She then shied away once she got some negative feedback and said something like, "well I feel some resentment, yes". Honey, that resentment's only going to get bigger as time moves on and nothing changes.
Still stand my ground. The chances are good here for a doomed relationship. Not saying things won't worked out but she has to understand she's fighting an uphill battle [and no, there is no relationship that is perfect. (even with my "fantastic" relationship with my husband. There's negatives, we do have our arguments from time to time). You're always going to have your negatives. However financial disparities, meaning different understandings about money and how it should be spent--which is what the OP is going through since she has some form of resentment by spending money on her SO which she'd prefer to save--are a source of potentially HUGE problems in relationships; many relationships fall apart because these issues are not resolved].
Understood. Just know that financial disparities play enormous roles in the breakdown of relationships.
To be more specific, resentment of financial disparities, moreso than financial disparities, themselves.
People who enter into relationships with no problem with discrepancies in earnings/who are realistic about them and accepting of the likelihood of them over the lifespan of a relationship aren't as likely to experience this.
I think 35K isn't low paying, I'd call it a mid-tier salary.
Depends on where you are. It's not terrible, here. But here isn't everywhere.
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That said, don't listen to these people encouraging you to bail. People find so many stupid reasons to walk out of a relationship. It's pathetic and if the OP does do this, it just show's that she's not relationship material...at least marriage-wise. She can throw the whole "for better or for worst" part out the window, thing is...there's nothing "worst" about this guy's income.
Incompatible values are actually not a stupid reason to end a relationship. They're a better reason to NOT GET INTO a relationship in the first place, but a number of people enter into relationships without fully knowing key points of what a person is about, his/her values system as relates to surprising large-scope things, etc. It's obviously better to vet where somebody's values lie in relation to yours early on, versus later, but things come up when they come up.
I think 35K isn't low paying, I'd call it a mid-tier salary. At least it's enough to live on if you live as a single man in an apartment complex. Not sure how the OP doesn't think otherwise. Hell, there are a lot of government jobs that pay that, even teacher's salaries are around that mark.
(snip).
Whether or not $35,000 is an OK salary depends on where you live. My friend living in a High COL area was absolutely delighted to find a very nice two bedroom apartment for only $3,000 a month (yes, $36,000 a year - not counting heat, electricity, cable, etc).
Even my rather standard two bedroom apartment (I was forced to move to a more upscale suburb of my medium COL city) is now $1525 a month (not counting heat, electricity, cable, etc).
Another friend just rented a nice two bedroom apartment in a lower COL city and her rent is only $800 a month and that includes heat.
My partner of 3 years has a low paying job. He doesn't want to change it because he likes what he does, but he is self employed and probably will never make more than 35k.
I earn twice that with my job and am starting to resent that I have to pay for things like our furniture or our vacations. We split our rent 50/50.
Now, his parents have over 1 million in assets (we saw their savings because they are the guarantor on our apartment). They said they didn't fully list everything because 1 million was more than enough to list. The dad's a doctor, and is working past retirement because he likes his job, and the mom doesn't work. They live very frugally, not a lot of vacations, and no fancy cars.
Is it safe to assume he's probably going to get a lot of money after they pass, which he'll then be able to start paying for things that I've always paid for?
I feel like if I knew for sure he was going to inherit a million dollars, I would not feel so resentful and angry that I work more than he does so we can afford to go on vacation.
Perfect example of the how women feel when their men make less than them! Thank you for this post. I guarantee he is not aware that she feels this way.
Whether or not $35,000 is an OK salary depends on where you live. My friend living in a High COL area was absolutely delighted to find a very nice two bedroom apartment for only $3,000 a month (yes, $36,000 a year - not counting heat, electricity, cable, etc).
Even my rather standard two bedroom apartment (I was forced to move to a more upscale suburb of my medium COL city) is now $1525 a month (not counting heat, electricity, cable, etc).
Another friend just rented a nice two bedroom apartment in a lower COL city and her rent is only $800 a month and that includes heat.
When I only made $31,000 per year I owned 2 vehicles, a race car, motorcycles and toys, along with a 1500sq ft 3br home with 2 car garage. Mortgage was $260 per month. I had plenty of money to save too. It all depends on how you live and where you live.
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