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I think the friend is protection about boring people. You need a wing person who is comfortable on their own too!
I don't need protection from boring people. Feets, walk!
It's a simple social skill to break off conversations. I'll grant that sometimes I bet women find some men pestering them and can't get away, like getting away from a buzzing fly, or worse, getting away from a no-see-em (invisible insect found in Southwest, very tiny, and they bite).
I don't need protection from boring people. Feets, walk!
It's a simple social skill to break off conversations. I'll grant that sometimes I bet women find some men pestering them and can't get away, like getting away from a buzzing fly, or worse, getting away from a no-see-em (invisible insect found in Southwest, very tiny, and they bite).
Well, I don't got to meet ups of activities I don't want to do. But I don't want to make the entire evening a bust. Especially if it is a prime evening. So I bring a friend. I am fine ditching boring conversations and people. But at some point I still want to do the thing and not have to keep looking for someone interesting to talk to.
My friends are good at leaving when there is someone I want to focus on. I find 2 friends is a great number of people to bring. That way if everyone sucks you can all have a great convo. People also like to see a few people having a good conversation, and they like to join in. They don't feel like they are interrupting if there are 3 people in a conversation - it doesn't seem as private. And everyone can leave and come back as needed, as they find interesting conversations.
And then the 3 of you can split up and scope, then report back who each should talk to. Divide and conquer.
Was talking to this one woman that goes to the basic social club. It mostly entails dining, drinking , and dancing/concerts, etc.
I told her about a corresponding singles group that was doing a wine tour, and even though she's a wine enthusiast, she told me, even though she's single and actively dating around, she doesn't attend "Singles" groups as a general rule.
She went to one one time, with a friend...she just an "ick" factor to it as there's an expectation to meet someone, where as the social club she attends, you are all just hangin' out, without a care in a world.
I said, "Well, I do see the same people in your group as in the other one...so...it's rather moot if you think about it", she goes "Yeah, I guess...but still...icky , lol"
The only difference is the INTENT.
I have an organizer that organizes a basic social club herself. Someone told her she should start a singles one, and she was like "Nah, there are single people in MINE, so that's enough!, lol"
There's some truth to this comment. When you're going to an event where you know no one, it can be a bit intimidating if no one tickles your fancy and you're there alone. Bringing someone gives you the option of chatting someone up, but also let's you relax more, since you have a confidant to fall back on. The only times I went out by myself in my 20s was to the club. That even began to be a pain as more and more people I knew out were pairing off and not going out as much.
I've never done a meetup before and it seemed interesting at a particular time, but it has little interest to me now. I found myself doing better focusing on the hobbies that actually give me enjoyment. Part of that enjoyment is doing it because I want to do it, not because I want to be around people. So I tend to gravitate towards hobbies that I can do on my own. I can go to the casino and most of the time sit down to a game of poker. I can get on my mountain bike and go explore trails by myself. I can go to one of my local bowling alleys and bowl by myself. Doing those activities alone doesn't bother me, because I can do them when I feel like it. Once you start involving other people, you have to deal with the issues that come with adding other people.
Also, someone else mentioned a few post back about people wanting to date, but not wanting to come off desperate. That's something I saw to be pretty true too. Even more so when someone was asking about their relationship status and they knew they weren't interested in that person. My thoughts on the single status is two fold though. If you're single and you're wanting to date, then you can't complain so much about who approaches you. That's part of the game of dating. People are going to approach you that you have no interest in and vice versa. However, I can see how dealing with people you're not interested in, would get old!
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I can get on my mountain bike and go explore trails by myself.
Really? Figured with the tons of mtn biking Meetups I've seen online, I figured you'd fit well with those.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
As if ONLINE dating is any better? lol Funny
Some Meetups have singles groups, but they die off or go inactive after a time. There's this one that completely died for 2 years, but people keep joining. If a pretty ladies signs up, I send her a note to chat her up. Make note that "Hey, this group was abandoned, but let's get to know each other anyway" lol
Online dating is much better. I only meet people I know I want to talk with and we already figured out we have common interests or passions, and we've had a discussion or discussions before meeting. That is 1000000% more pleasant and more efficient than meeting people you don't know, have never spoken to and have no idea if you have anything in common with. Gee, which is better, going out to 1-3 groups of random people a week hoping to meet someone you might have something in common with, or chatting with a dozen people casually online as you live your life and actually going out to meet the 1-2 you are interested in meeting. Easy call.
Online dating is much better. I only meet people I know I want to talk with and we already figured out we have common interests or passions, and we've had a discussion or discussions before meeting. That is 1000000% than meeting people you don't know, have never spoken to and have no idea if you have anything in common with. Gee, which is better, going out to 1-3 groups of random people a week hoping to meet someone you might have something in common with, or chatting with a dozen people casually online as you live your life and actually going out to meet the 1-2 you are interested in meeting. Easy call.
Well, if you went to Meetups that focused on those things you had in common with, then that would be a great option too, would it?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Well, if you went to Meetups that focused on those things you had in common with, then that would be a great option too, would it?
Sure, but there are precious few of those, and they aren't ever singles events, or their activities I generally prefer to do solo (aka photography) or with one other person max (kayaking, etc), and even in that case, you're only having one shared interest which isn't desirable. Still, it is just so much more efficient and easier to meet someone 1x1 after you know you are interested in having a real conversation with them then to go out and hope to meet such a person at an event. I never really understood doing something in hoping to meet someone for a date. If you want to meet someone to date, it's simple enough to do that with OLD and skip the charade.
Was talking to this one woman that goes to the basic social club. It mostly entails dining, drinking , and dancing/concerts, etc.
I told her about a corresponding singles group that was doing a wine tour, and even though she's a wine enthusiast, she told me, even though she's single and actively dating around, she doesn't attend "Singles" groups as a general rule.
She went to one one time, with a friend...she just an "ick" factor to it as there's an expectation to meet someone, where as the social club she attends, you are all just hangin' out, without a care in a world.
I said, "Well, I do see the same people in your group as in the other one...so...it's rather moot if you think about it", she goes "Yeah, I guess...but still...icky , lol"
The only difference is the INTENT.
I have an organizer that organizes a basic social club herself. Someone told her she should start a singles one, and she was like "Nah, there are single people in MINE, so that's enough!, lol"
Yeah, I see her point. I’ve never been to a singles meetup so I don’t know if it would be “icky,” but I definitely didn’t feel any pressure about going to the general social meetup. It was just nice to talk with people without worrying about whether I was interested in them or they were interested in me. It wasn’t about that. So I didn’t leave the event thinking about whether it was a success or a failure. I just thought, “Cool, I got to spend a few hours chatting with some new people. Maybe I’ll see them again at a future event.”
There are tons of Meetup groups in my area with endless topics and themes. Some are singles oriented but I find it interesting that many of the members in the singles groups are already a couple or the women outnumber the men 10-1. I’m currently in just a few groups that interest me and I occasionally sign up to attend something. Also Meetup has different people attending all the time even in the same group. You can attend events in the same group for months and except for the organizer never see the same person twice. So it can be difficult to get any kind of rapport going. Best to attend based upon your interests and just have a good time.
So it can be difficult to get any kind of rapport going.
I know, so as a result one can just msg a woman you met at the prior event saying, "Hey it was nice meeting you last night, you plan on going to next week's event?". Hopefully she'll say yes, lol. Otherwise, just chat her up in case you'll not see her again.
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