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To me the problem is the fact that you are going on coffee date. That is probably the least conducive setting for being flirty and really letting a personality shine through.
When I was in the dating world, coffee dates were rare and always seemed more like a job interview.
Get out with the guy and do something physical and experiential where you might even touch a little. Examples:
If one or both of you have dogs, take the dog for a walk or go to a dog park. That gives you something to focus on besides the “interview.” Plus it gives each of you a chance to demonstrate your loving side (via the animal).
Mini golf or bowling. Agree to one game and see how it goes. Most people suck at it so it’s a way to have a laugh. Laughing puts people at ease which can ramp up chemistry.
Meet at a food truck and have a bite on a bench together. Food trucks usually have creative and unique options and you can get to know a bit about each other and maybe do a taste test of a couple of items.
You get the idea. I can’t imagine anything duller than meeting for coffee which is probably the least sexy thing to do.
Totally agree.
Who is it that is suggesting the place to go out? Is it you or the guy?
If a grown man is asking me out for coffee I would find that super odd because I expect a grown man to want to meet someone to develop a romantic relationship with a day time date at a crowded loud coffee store doesn't lend itself to that very well.
If you are suggesting where to go, I'd advise to let the guy suggest. That will tell you right away about the tone he wants to set.
I like drinks for first date. You can wear something very flattering that is not overtly sexual, you will likely be surrounded by other couples. You can lean in closer, touch your hair, lightly touch his arm, etc.
I'm a 28-year-old female and looking for a LTR. The past couple months of dating have been interesting. I've gone on a handful of coffee dates. Two of them, I never heard back from the guys. Another two each sent a text shortly after saying they weren't interested.
One said:
"It was nice to get to know you a bit. You are super sweet, and obviously gorgeous, but I don't think we have solid enough chemistry to continue dating."
The other said:
"It was nice to meet you but to be honest, I didn't really feel a romantic chemistry. Good luck!"
A third was interested in meeting up again but when I asked him what he thought of the date he said:
"I felt the conversation was lacking at times but I'm attracted to you and I'd be interested in seeing where it goes."
With a possible exception of the third one, it's simply men dishing out what they've been taking for the past six decades. They finally embraced and reclaimed the expression that was once used against them.
It doesn't take Einstein to figure out that "no chemistry" is code for "unattractive" (physically or otherwise) or even "hold still until I need someone stable to settle down with". It's just more politically correct to use "chemistry" as an excuse than to dish out the blunt truth.
With a possible exception of the third one, it's simply men dishing out what they've been taking for the past six decades. They simply embraced and reclaimed the expression that was once used against them.
It doesn't take Einstein to figure out that "no chemistry" is code for "unattractive" (physically or otherwise) or even "hold still until I need someone stable to settle down with". It's just more politically correct to use "chemistry" as an excuse than to dish out the blunt truth.
Yep, "no chemistry" equals, "You're not as cute as you are in your photos, so...bye!"
To me the problem is the fact that you are going on coffee date. That is probably the least conducive setting for being flirty and really letting a personality shine through.
When I was in the dating world, coffee dates were rare and always seemed more like a job interview.
Get out with the guy and do something physical and experiential where you might even touch a little. Examples:
If one or both of you have dogs, take the dog for a walk or go to a dog park. That gives you something to focus on besides the “interview.” Plus it gives each of you a chance to demonstrate your loving side (via the animal).
Mini golf or bowling. Agree to one game and see how it goes. Most people suck at it so it’s a way to have a laugh. Laughing puts people at ease which can ramp up chemistry.
Meet at a food truck and have a bite on a bench together. Food trucks usually have creative and unique options and you can get to know a bit about each other and maybe do a taste test of a couple of items.
You get the idea. I can’t imagine anything duller than meeting for coffee which is probably the least sexy thing to do.
The first IRL meeting with someone you "met" online isn't really a date, IMO. it's just a continuation of meeting. However, the dog park or taco truck are good options, too.
With a possible exception of the third one, it's simply men dishing out what they've been taking for the past six decades. They finally embraced and reclaimed the expression that was once used against them.
It doesn't take Einstein to figure out that "no chemistry" is code for "unattractive" (physically or otherwise) or even "hold still until I need someone stable to settle down with". It's just more politically correct to use "chemistry" as an excuse than to dish out the blunt truth.
Fair, I guess these people were kind of out of my league in some way or another.
Who is it that is suggesting the place to go out? Is it you or the guy?
If a grown man is asking me out for coffee I would find that super odd because I expect a grown man to want to meet someone to develop a romantic relationship with a day time date at a crowded loud coffee store doesn't lend itself to that very well.
If you are suggesting where to go, I'd advise to let the guy suggest. That will tell you right away about the tone he wants to set.
I like drinks for first date. You can wear something very flattering that is not overtly sexual, you will likely be surrounded by other couples. You can lean in closer, touch your hair, lightly touch his arm, etc.
This is a great suggestion thank you! I am definitely going to try for a drink or a hike with my dog for the next person. I am thinking part of the problem is a boring date (coffee) coupled with a flat person (me lol) might make it difficult for any chemistry to really prosper regardless.
Who is it that is suggesting the place to go out? Is it you or the guy?
If a grown man is asking me out for coffee I would find that super odd because I expect a grown man to want to meet someone to develop a romantic relationship with a day time date at a crowded loud coffee store doesn't lend itself to that very well.
If you are suggesting where to go, I'd advise to let the guy suggest. That will tell you right away about the tone he wants to set.
I like drinks for first date. You can wear something very flattering that is not overtly sexual, you will likely be surrounded by other couples. You can lean in closer, touch your hair, lightly touch his arm, etc.
I'm pretty much suggesting the coffee date 100 percent of the time. I generally go to the same place with each guy too (they usually say something like "pick a spot that's convenient for you" because I live a bit outside the city. From my perspective, coffee seems like an easy way to screen people for a second date but I think maybe I've gotten in a rut. I think letting the guy choose is a fantastic option. I will do that thank you.
Fair, I guess these people were kind of out of my league in some way or another.
If you can, don't think that way, it can be destructive to your psyche.
I once met a nice lady, very smart, good career, nice looking but I didn't take her offer of a 2nd date after a really good 7-hour first date. The lack of chemistry reason for me: she was an extreme extrovert with more energy than 3 people combined. I was totally exhausted and think she wasn't even slowing down. So, it can be little things like that someone may not think they have long-term compatibility with you.
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