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I can give you my experience, as someone who has dated a man who previously solicited prostitutes and another who I also caught "looking at escort ads."
The bigger issue to me is not that he's looking at this stuff, but that he's sneaking around and lying. My first boyfriend was similar -- I saw escort ads on his computer a few times, along with porn (for me this was an issue and he knew it). He'd always deny it or apologize or make excuses but it kept happening.
My second boyfriend used to actually solicit prostitutes. This came up once when we first started dating. Hs did it as a single person when he was out of town on business. He was extremely open to me and honest about it and told me exactly how many times it happened, why he did it, etc. It still bothered me but I felt like I could trust him.
So that's the bigger issue to me. You need to have trust in your relationship -- currently, your boyfriend is lying to you and you don't trust him. I don't know how old you are, but if you are quite young with no children, etc. I would say there isn't necessarily a reason to stay together, as it sounds like you have some major issues. You can find a guy who doesn't do this and I think he needs to either find someone who is completely OK with this, or mature a bit and decide how important this hobby is to him.
You say it's about the sneaking around...but now you know and it's still an issue. I don't think the relationship can survive...you won't be able to trust him.
I wrote this stuff because I needed someone not close to me to bounce ideas off of, someone impartial who may have had the same experience. By the way, thank you to thoes who shared theirs. I’m still deciding what to do. I’m sure no one will understand but Hey, It’s my problem.
For thoes who think this is a lie. I don’t care, this was for me and I was able to take a step back and look at what another opinion is. Yes, this is a new relationship. Yes we are young. Everyone was quick to judge him and tell me to leave. I have my own baggage I didn’t mention that he has taken on, not mentioned because it never caused harm in our relationship, so I thought. And while reading your comments and speaking with my personal support group it made me think about myself and I realized I actually have my own problem causing harm in the relationship. I think what is best is that we both take some space (my initial reason for kicking him out) from each other to work on our own issues. Keeping in touch but not seeing each other. I think that’ll help both of us figure out what we really want. But I don’t believe this is worth just forgetting him all together. I will talk to him tomarrow.
Thank you to everyone, even the critical.
The bigger thing for him to clarify would be the level of interest in transexuals.
The other stuff it just seems his sex drive is probably higher than yours which means it's not going to work out anyway. Just end it because either way you aren't compatible. It's more about your reaction than his at this point. He is eccentric, can you deal with it or not? If not then say good bye.
I don't quite understand why his interest in transexuals is considered a "bigger thing" than a "wandering" eye...... or even visiting prostitutes. From my view, its all part of the same concern.
I can't believe he had the nerve to look up escorts in YOUR area on YOUR phone and then it took you TWO days to get him to tell the truth with the evidence in his face.
He told you that this is an addiction for him. I think this addiction is really bad for him to be so hard up to use your phone to go looking for trannies in your area-You guys are in a relationship. You live together. That is a complete compromise of trust.
This relationship is over.
I would feel insecure too. You can't compete with that.
I wrote this stuff because I needed someone not close to me to bounce ideas off of, someone impartial who may have had the same experience. By the way, thank you to thoes who shared theirs. I’m still deciding what to do. I’m sure no one will understand but Hey, It’s my problem.
For thoes who think this is a lie. I don’t care, this was for me and I was able to take a step back and look at what another opinion is. Yes, this is a new relationship. Yes we are young. Everyone was quick to judge him and tell me to leave. I have my own baggage I didn’t mention that he has taken on, not mentioned because it never caused harm in our relationship, so I thought. And while reading your comments and speaking with my personal support group it made me think about myself and I realized I actually have my own problem causing harm in the relationship. I think what is best is that we both take some space (my initial reason for kicking him out) from each other to work on our own issues. Keeping in touch but not seeing each other. I think that’ll help both of us figure out what we really want. But I don’t believe this is worth just forgetting him all together. I will talk to him tomarrow.
Thank you to everyone, even the critical.
Just because you "have baggage" doesn't mean you don't deserve a guy that will treat you right. And what if it did cause harm in the relationship? That doesn't negate the harm he has done.
By the way, if you want to tell us about your baggage, maybe we can help. We promise we will be nice.
Another piece of info that’s bugging me. I had been laying in bed from a night of crying. He excused himself to the bathroom, I later found out he was looking at porn, again no issue) but then he came and was trying to get me in the mood. Not a lot, but notibly more forcefully than normal. He said he had been worked up for days (since he looked up the ads). I was obviously not in the mood for sex. He later apologized for trying to force it.
I hope you don't feel this is acceptable. It's not. And his apology doesn't make everything ok.
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