My Boyfriend Likes to Look at Escort Ads, Advice? (girlfriend, married, woman)
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Sounds like my current boyfriend. I labeled him as a narcissist. Abusive and all. Thought it was mostly because of the drugs but he is clean now but i know the sex addiction doesn't just poof and go away... not as horny as before but he has been keeping a stack of cash on him in a bag for a couple months now. & has tried guilting me into buying groceries because he barely has money in his account... bull****!!! His Google maps timeline showed him going to random hotels or apartments, sometimes houses when he knew i was sleeping at home. So sick. Still won't admit it to this day. I hate myself for being hopeful and staying for the truth. I love him but its this trauma bond we have.
I can tell you the only time I look for something online is when I need whatever it is. I don’t browse trans prostitute ads on Craiglist. But if I was browsing for hookers it would be because I’m looking for a hooker to go do weird stuff with him or her. . You don’t just go look for prostitute ads unless you’re at the very least tempted and curious. Which is half way to doing and serious.
Just because you’re dating and he’s having sex with you (I’m assuming you’re a woman) doesn’t mean he doesn’t like his breakfast with some sausage on the side. Plenty of dudes are married and take it from dudes behind or sometimes in front of their wifes
Quote:
Originally Posted by asiltman
Sounds like my current boyfriend. I labeled him as a narcissist. Abusive and all. Thought it was mostly because of the drugs but he is clean now but i know the sex addiction doesn't just poof and go away... not as horny as before but he has been keeping a stack of cash on him in a bag for a couple months now. & has tried guilting me into buying groceries because he barely has money in his account... bull****!!! His Google maps timeline showed him going to random hotels or apartments, sometimes houses when he knew i was sleeping at home. So sick. Still won't admit it to this day. I hate myself for being hopeful and staying for the truth. I love him but its this trauma bond we have.
Jesus Christ WHY the f are you in a horrible relationship like that. If my wife went cheating go on me it would be over. There are a few things that are not negotiable and I will walk. Someone cheating on me it’s done. I had a gf who cheated on me. All that work and effort...gone. Done. Leave my house.
Last edited by Electrician4you; 09-09-2020 at 11:15 PM..
Ok so long story but I’m gonna be honest on both sides.
I have been dating a guy for 10months now. We mesh well and day to day life is great.
But
About a month into our relationship he logged his GMail account into my phone and forgot to log out. I realized this after I had looked up something I wasn’t ready to share. I went to delete the history and found several search histories for escorts on Craigslist and “male seeking trans-woman” kinda stuff. Let me be clear. I don’t care if he’s into trans-women. I have my own sexual proclivities that people could judge me on. It was the looking for escorts in his area. Originally of course he denied it, “account got hacked”, then “everyone has their dirty little secrets.” Finally after 2 days I was able to get a straight answer.
I think. He said it was an addiction he’s had for years and he dosnt contact anyone he “just reads the stories.” I took him at his word that he did not actually contact anyone, but laid down that that’s a NO. Porn, cool. This, NO
And another disclosure, he has been with a prostitute once before a year before we got together. He said it was a bad experience and he wouldn’t do it again. We had this talk and moved forward (I really had no problem with this, everyone has a history)
Since then, I’d brought up the subject looking for reassurance that he is not doing anything. He would try to change the conversation because “he’s not proud of himself and he dosnt like to bring it up. Also, the first night he got caught, he changed his password and the fact was never brought up again.
I havnt really recovered. I was cheated on in my previous relationship and the extra blow to my ego made things get worse and worse for me. Also he never complimented me until I pointed it out. He shows love in other ways physically (hugs, kisses, other intimacy, and great sex) but he dosnt make me feel good about myself. I’ll admit it could just be me because in my head I’m now trying to compete with escorts and fantasy. So I have lost all of my confidence.
Fast forward, 10months in. I’ve given in to my depression. We havnt had sex in a week. I got up in the middle of the night to go lay on the couch for some space. Then came back into the room to tell him I needed some space (we recently moved in together). We fought about how he said he has been trying to make things right but he dosnt know what to do. And I’m not feeling any better in this relationship about myself and this problem. I gave up and said I don’t care what he does and I won’t try to check his stuff again (not that I had since the first discretion, I’m not a babysitter, and he didn’t hide where he was Ever). The next few days he said he’d keep trying and was reassuring me that he hadn’t been to thoes sites since he initially got caught.
Yesterday while using his phone (with permission, but yeah I snooped) I found that night I said I wouldn’t check his phone anymore, he had looked up an escort website (to be fair it wasn’t in our area, like last time).
I confronted him and he said again that he is just looking at the ads. While we were fighting he said “I thought you were gonna break up with me” as his reason for looking at the ads again.
Another piece of info that’s bugging me. I had been laying in bed from a night of crying. He excused himself to the bathroom, I later found out he was looking at porn, again no issue) but then he came and was trying to get me in the mood. Not a lot, but notibly more forcefully than normal. He said he had been worked up for days (since he looked up the ads). I was obviously not in the mood for sex. He later apologized for trying to force it.
He says he loves me and wants to fix our relationship. I genuinely believes that he has thoes feelings. But idk if he loves me in the healthy way, where you want to suppprt and put your partner above all. Or he wants me in his life because he loves me selfishly..if that makes sense.
So...Help
Guy’s opinion-Does this sound like an addiction or is it BS?
If it is, is he untrustworthy and could keep on lying, or just not ready to deal with/fully admit and deal with a problem?
We have a lot of happiness we share together, but this is obviously a big problem. Is this relationship worth sparing?
Your boyfriend also watches porn, most likely. As long as he keeps on looking at professional sex work ads from Countries and state-nations that have legalized professional sex work: I don't see anything wrong with what he's doing.
Looking at porn doesn't mean much. I have a high sex drive. I could have sex with a girlfriend 5 times a day(eat your spinach boys!!) and I would still end up watching porn that day. Heck, I've been watching porn on the daily for hours since I was a teenager, and I still perform perfectly, and I still want my girlfriends just as much as I would've wanted them if I was to not watch porn.
The trick is to date women who look pretty much the same way your favorite pornstars look like, and then your girlfriend won't feel like you're ''settling'' for her, and that you're ''not attracted'' to her, and she will watch porn with you. It's fun. Try it out if you don't have any moral problem with porn.
Like I said, I've been watching porn for what 20 years now, on a daily basis, several hours a day. I do it because I like to look at attractive women naked, well I'm guess I'm defective, anywho, and I've never felt any negative effects caused by porn.
Addiction? No.
Went on an archeological dig to Iran, when I was young, no internet, no computer, stayed there for like 5 months, obviously didn't get to watch porn, because even if I owned a computer and internet I would still not be able to .
And yet I did just fine. There are some men who will become addicted to porn, but those men have an addictive personality and would become addicted to everything.
Should we ban alcohol, cigarettes, cars, bikes, sugar drinks because some people can't control themselves?
I can tell you the only time I look for something online is when I need whatever it is. I don’t browse trans prostitute ads on Craiglist. But if I was browsing for hookers it would be because I’m looking for a hooker to go do weird stuff with him or her. . You don’t just go look for prostitute ads unless you’re at the very least tempted and curious. Which is half way to doing and serious.
Just because you’re dating and he’s having sex with you (I’m assuming you’re a woman) doesn’t mean he doesn’t like his breakfast with some sausage on the side. Plenty of dudes are married and take it from dudes behind or sometimes in front of their wifes
This is exactly what I was going to say. There is a reason he was looking at prostitute ads. It wasn't to look at the pictures. He can go to porn for that. Maybe you can trust that he hasn't connected with one while you have been together, but that doesn't mean that he wouldn't have if he was able. He has been searching for what he wants and will pursue it when the situation makes that possible unless he decides to make a change within himself, but that isn't something you can make happen.
Ok so long story but I’m gonna be honest on both sides.
I have been dating a guy for 10months now. We mesh well and day to day life is great.
But
About a month into our relationship he logged his GMail account into my phone and forgot to log out. I realized this after I had looked up something I wasn’t ready to share. I went to delete the history and found several search histories for escorts on Craigslist and “male seeking trans-woman” kinda stuff. Let me be clear. I don’t care if he’s into trans-women. I have my own sexual proclivities that people could judge me on. It was the looking for escorts in his area. Originally of course he denied it, “account got hacked”, then “everyone has their dirty little secrets.” Finally after 2 days I was able to get a straight answer.
I think. He said it was an addiction he’s had for years and he dosnt contact anyone he “just reads the stories.” I took him at his word that he did not actually contact anyone, but laid down that that’s a NO. Porn, cool. This, NO
And another disclosure, he has been with a prostitute once before a year before we got together. He said it was a bad experience and he wouldn’t do it again. We had this talk and moved forward (I really had no problem with this, everyone has a history)
Since then, I’d brought up the subject looking for reassurance that he is not doing anything. He would try to change the conversation because “he’s not proud of himself and he dosnt like to bring it up. Also, the first night he got caught, he changed his password and the fact was never brought up again.
I havnt really recovered. I was cheated on in my previous relationship and the extra blow to my ego made things get worse and worse for me. Also he never complimented me until I pointed it out. He shows love in other ways physically (hugs, kisses, other intimacy, and great sex) but he dosnt make me feel good about myself. I’ll admit it could just be me because in my head I’m now trying to compete with escorts and fantasy. So I have lost all of my confidence.
Fast forward, 10months in. I’ve given in to my depression. We havnt had sex in a week. I got up in the middle of the night to go lay on the couch for some space. Then came back into the room to tell him I needed some space (we recently moved in together). We fought about how he said he has been trying to make things right but he dosnt know what to do. And I’m not feeling any better in this relationship about myself and this problem. I gave up and said I don’t care what he does and I won’t try to check his stuff again (not that I had since the first discretion, I’m not a babysitter, and he didn’t hide where he was Ever). The next few days he said he’d keep trying and was reassuring me that he hadn’t been to thoes sites since he initially got caught.
Yesterday while using his phone (with permission, but yeah I snooped) I found that night I said I wouldn’t check his phone anymore, he had looked up an escort website (to be fair it wasn’t in our area, like last time).
I confronted him and he said again that he is just looking at the ads. While we were fighting he said “I thought you were gonna break up with me” as his reason for looking at the ads again.
Another piece of info that’s bugging me. I had been laying in bed from a night of crying. He excused himself to the bathroom, I later found out he was looking at porn, again no issue) but then he came and was trying to get me in the mood. Not a lot, but notibly more forcefully than normal. He said he had been worked up for days (since he looked up the ads). I was obviously not in the mood for sex. He later apologized for trying to force it.
He says he loves me and wants to fix our relationship. I genuinely believes that he has thoes feelings. But idk if he loves me in the healthy way, where you want to suppprt and put your partner above all. Or he wants me in his life because he loves me selfishly..if that makes sense.
So...Help
Guy’s opinion-Does this sound like an addiction or is it BS?
If it is, is he untrustworthy and could keep on lying, or just not ready to deal with/fully admit and deal with a problem?
We have a lot of happiness we share together, but this is obviously a big problem. Is this relationship worth sparing?
Nah. I think you're seeing the beginning of the end.
This is exactly what I was going to say. There is a reason he was looking at prostitute ads. It wasn't to look at the pictures. He can go to porn for that. Maybe you can trust that he hasn't connected with one while you have been together, but that doesn't mean that he wouldn't have if he was able. He has been searching for what he wants and will pursue it when the situation makes that possible unless he decides to make a change within himself, but that isn't something you can make happen.
So because a guy looks at car ads he's gonna go out and buy a car?
Or because he's noticing random attractive women outside, he's going to hit on them?
He's just looking at those escort ads, he's not going to rent those lady's services. Why would he do that when his girlfriend has sex with him most of the time he wants to, and she makes sure the dude enjoys it?
Here's the deal: you won't change him no matter how sexy, nice, smart, whatever you are. He is who he is. So, it comes down to you: Can you put up with the behavior? Even if he's more careful about hiding it? If the answer is not a RESOUNDING "yes, I can put up with it," then it's time to bail out of the relationship.
Reminds me of a guy I dated a while back. Seemed like a nice individual except one day when I used his laptop (with permission), I noticed a similar search history on his computer. Any interest I had in him was instantly killed.
So because a guy looks at car ads he's gonna go out and buy a car?
Or because he's noticing random attractive women outside, he's going to hit on them?
He's just looking at those escort ads, he's not going to rent those lady's services. Why would he do that when his girlfriend has sex with him most of the time he wants to, and she makes sure the dude enjoys it?
LOL! Really? You seem a little touchy about this.
First, the OP said nothing about him looking at random attractive women. The issue is that he is searching the prostitute ads specifically in his area and primarily the trans-prostitutes.
Is there another reason to search car adds? I suppose if you are thinking of selling you might look at other car adds to get an idea of what everyone else is selling there's for. So I suppose there is a possibility that the OP's BF is thinking of going trans himself and selling himself and getting an idea of what the competition looks like and the going rates... but that seems less likely than he has been toying with the idea of hiring one himself. It's not like he's doing it just for the nude pics. He's already going to porn for that so...
What's your point? He's just looking at ads? It's not like these are want ads where you might just glance through to see if there's anything you might be interested in. He specifically searched for these ads. Why else would one search for "trans escort ads in my area" unless you were toying with the idea of hiring one?
*IF* this is true, dude is obviously attracted to trans women, or BI. He should own up to it and if the relationship ends... so be it. OP will be free to pursue relationships with men who are only attracted to naturally born women. And, her ex can go to Vegas or overseas and bed all the trans women he can buy. Hopefully he'll do this as safely as possible. Good luck Op
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