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Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 26 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,360,802 times
Reputation: 5382
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I dated a guy like the OP. Guess what, the relationship didn't last long. I can understand in the beginning stages of dating. Once it gets serious, there's no reason to keep it a secret. People are gonna talk so might as well tell them if they see the 2 of you together.
Being secretive isn't a good trait to have in a relationship. OP, you're better off single.
Guess what ... by being SO dramatically secretive about it, you are bringing MORE attention to yourself.
This right here.
Either say no, or yes, and then no one will care.
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Don't need to. It's heavily implied throughout the thread.
Good lord, no it's not.
OP is basically asking this girlfriend to lie about the status of their relationship and to act dishonestly by pretending they are not together when they are in public.
OP is basically asking this girlfriend to lie about the status of their relationship and to act dishonestly by pretending they are not together when they are in public.
Right. If he rejects even her attempts to hold hands in public, there's something "off". Simple, normal gestures like holding hands are not "broadcasting" their status, or parading her around, or making some grand announcement. It's simply an expression of affection.
If the OP is so paranoid about being the subject of gossip (which he already is, in view of the inquiries he's been getting about the status of the dateship), he should leave the poor woman alone, so she can find someone who actually enjoys the falling-in-love process without being self-conscious about it.
The OP titled the thread "conflict of personalities". If that's how he feels about it, he should move on to find someone, with whom he doesn't feel conflicted. If such a person exists.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Right. If he rejects even her attempts to hold hands in public, there's something "off". Simple, normal gestures like holding hands are not "broadcasting" their status, or parading her around, or making some grand announcement. It's simply an expression of affection.
.
“Normal”
This term gets used a lot in this sub when trying to deflect things around. OP doesn’t seem “shy” so much to me as he seems antisocial. He reject a lot of what people would claim as “normal behavior” since he is doesn’t fall in to the norms of what is acceptable to most socially inept people.
To the OP I would say this is something your going to have to learn to compromise on if you are going to date people who hold more traditional social sensibilities. Something like holding hands, while it may make you feel uncomfortable, will get easier with time and is one of the lesser tells of public affection you can give.
You’re going to have to give a little (as well as she) if this is something the two of you are going to commit to. You’re going to have to commit to working togther and giving a little on things that both make you feel discomfort.
There is going to have to be a compromise made between the both of you. You understand you both are coming at this from different angles...it’s a partnership, not an arm wrestling match.
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