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She needs to get a job and support herself. That's NOT your responsibility. Truly, if she was absent from her place of employment to the point that she was let go, why would you consider her a good candidate for a relationship? Sure, if you want to take on the role of provider, then that's great, but it does not sound like you do. She's an adult and needs to provide for herself. I'm concerned that she is trying to inch her way toward you becoming financially responsible for her. Is that okay with you?
I would think long and hard before I let her move in with you as it might be very difficult to get her out if things don't work between you two. Protect yourself and tread lightly.
Well , it is all a caution of mine that's for sure no matter how close we are or how much she loves me , that can all be faked by some for sure l mean it's such a time thing to trust after everything else.
Even giving in emotionally , my guard is still up l admit.
Yeah.
We've talked plenty. She's a damn hard worker too even when she's here she helps in my business , done heaps to the house, gardens. But l'd still rather she was independent. l just think it's healthy both doing your own thing and would def' help the finances if it was two of us. l mean if we were married or for some reason later on she couldn't get work or worked in my business instead or whatever sure l wouldn't mind supporting her but now is too early for that.
She's fine with it all herself but she has spent a lot herself coming and going too and now she's in this sitch.
Her job up there nah she had some leave in store and took some other time off as well agreed with the boss but thing's meanwhile also slowed down more for them and they put a few others off too, it might've happened anyway, we're not sure. One reason they didn't mind her taking time off earlier they didn't have as much work on anyway.l should've explained the whole picture on that one.
l've got my daughter here and a business, a better place than hers too so we decided it's better she came down it's where we'd live later anyway if we did.
l have gone up there a few times too but with my sitch l can't keep doing it.
Be pretty pointless her getting her own here and doubles expenses. The idea was she'd move down anyway if we went on, even work in my business if we wanted or she gets a new job but well there's all that stuff but l also l just need more time on this.
Damn rock and a hard place.
See the bold above. She has planned to get what she wants now, not later. Who takes enough leave to get fired unless they have a good back up plan?
Well, sure; all of your words and feelings make perfect sense if you've been burned before (like most of us). Just be careful, hawk. It's just that something does not sound right here with her--2 + 2 is not equaling 4. Time is on your side and your friend if you let it be. If she loves and trusts you, she will wait until you feel more comfortable with taking the next step. Don't be manipulated or guilted into moving faster than you feel comfortable with. Inch by inch, life's a cinch; yard by yard, life is hard. Slow down, turbo.
So ... you've basically agreed, for all intents and purposes, that her coming there makes more sense and is more doable, but now that push comes to shove, you're having second thoughts.
Is it, though? What is it you're really afraid of?
And you say you've talked about everything, but have you actually said to her, "I'd feel better about moving into the future with you if you were more independent here."
Like l said , it's just a lot sooner than we planned . Yeah we've talked about all that even back at the start and that l think it's too soon right now. We earlier figured actually mid 19ish , and we'd think about her moving down. But right now we've only had 3 and a bit mths actually together at this stage. Not enough.
So it'd be a leap of faith at this stage, something l'm a little short of these days if l was 25 l'd just take it , buttttt, not crazy about leaps of love faith these days.
Well, sure; all of your words and feelings make perfect sense if you've been burned before (like most of us). Just be careful, hawk. It's just that something does not sound right here with her--2 + 2 is not equaling 4. Time is on your side and your friend if you let it be. If she loves and trusts you, she will wait until you feel more comfortable with taking the next step. Don't be manipulated or guilted into moving faster than you feel comfortable with. Inch by inch, life's a cinch; yard by yard, life is hard. Slow down, turbo.
Thanks for that appreciated m and l've gotta jot down that saying to btw , pretty real really.
But yeah , trying , it's just that she'll either have to get a new job now or move down .
l mean if all was 100% and we're both ready to rock just move down is the easiest all round, she should be able to get new work here pretty easy in her business. Buttttt, never do know.
lt's more emotionally for me right now tbh, l just don't wanna land in something so new , so full on , l want inch by inch right now.
OP, why not chivalrous and be the one who drives 12 hours to her place? Why do you let her drive over 12 hours?
Have done yip it's all in the other post.She flies down btw, doesn't like driving long distance.
But it's a lot more complicated if she stays up there too now.
Cheers
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