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Well, you're not there either once you walk across that threshold.
Not necessarily, one might loosen their selection criteria as they become wiser, no?
The first thing: Depends on your beliefs what you think happens, the one thing I truly believe is that no one truly knows, though an awful lot of us THINK we do. But that's a subject for the philosophy subforum or something. I'm just saying that I don't understand the specific driving force some have to not DIE alone. I don't care really how I die, I'm way more interested in how I live for the decades (hopefully) between now and then.
About the second thing: I guess maybe that depends on how desperate they are to be in a relationship. As I got older, I became more and more capable of surviving on my own. What would have been a struggle at 22 is easy now at 40. So the only reason to have a companion is because I WANT to. But when it comes to that, a bad relationship is definitely worse than none.
As I've aged, I know and LIKE myself more. Having no partner, would have been no problem. So there was no need at all, to compromise on any of my criteria and I could be as particular as I liked. Why would I settle?
And of course past a certain age, at least for women, there is no longer the possibility, let alone the drive, to make babies. So I need no partner for that either.
the only thing i regret is that i wasted years not listening to my intuition when it said "not a good idea" not (what i thought at the time) "you 'have' to 'make' this work, even if yr the only person working on this relationship". that this issue would take an older and wiser person...well, i'm still alive to utilize what i've learned from any mistakes in this area.
Well, you're not there either once you walk across that threshold.
Not necessarily, one might loosen their selection criteria as they become wiser, no?
Dying alone? We all die alone, IMHO.
I had a BIL on life support a few years ago, had lots of people around him and when they remove life support and while watching as the heartrate monitor ticked down, slower and slower and slower. I, unfortunately, felt that he was alone even though there was a room full of people. The only thing that gave me some solace was that he was most likely brain dead and he was already gone and just his body went.
Based on my understanding of myself and where I'm at I unfortunately would probably be in the camp of not very trusting with my emotions if I were to be single again. I've only had really two women that I've loved in my life. I've been with one of them for many many years and I think If I were to have bounced in and out of a lot of relationships where I was truly in love and have been hurt, repeatedly, I probably would have too much baggage to really give myself to another.
I don't know for sure, but if I had to guess, I think it would go that way.
I personally don't know how much losing your looks factors into not being able to find someone when you're older. I mean most likely if you target someone within a reasonable age range I would think that they would be more forgiving in that department as most people tend to look less attractive as we age in some ways, not all of course, but we have to sort of recalibrate our expectations for age as we all age, right?
If you ain't aging you ain't living. I think I heard that somewhere before.
The first thing: Depends on your beliefs what you think happens,
No
Almost certainly, what happens is not at all dependent on what you believe
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the one thing I truly believe is that no one truly knows
Right, so it's as likely that we're surrounded by our friends' spirits when we walk over that threshold as it is that we walk over alone.
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But that's a subject for the philosophy subforum or something.
Probably
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I guess maybe that depends on how desperate they are to be in a relationship.
That'd be one factor
I'm sure you've met some people who have a long list criteria for whom they'll date.
I'm sure that some of those criteria weren't necessarily great criteria and they later abandoned them.
I'm sure you've met some people who have a long list criteria for whom they'll date.
I'm sure that some of those criteria weren't necessarily great criteria and they later abandoned them.
Leaving behind the metaphysical talk...I really don't know people who have long lists of criteria, that are not great and that they later abandoned. Nope.
The younger people I know, mostly just want attraction or sparks or alignment with some values that they emerged from youth with their families of origin believing are all-important. Such as "same religion as me" or "virgin before marriage" or "OK with not getting married until I'm done with college" or what have you. Basic ideas about what all this should look like.
After life beats us up a bit, usually people go through some relationships before winding up single once more as "older" people. They have learned a lot more about what they DON'T want and can't put up with, and what actually does work for them.
The criteria might change. For instance looks might get somewhat less important. But the list of requirements and/or dealbreakers, from what I've seen, gets longer.
Unless the person in question is the sort who is miserable and lonely and would do anything to have just any warm body to love them...in which case the criteria dwindle the longer they're single.
I think if anything, more women I know, in particular, keep up the high expectations and criteria or add even more stuff to the list as we get older and have more experience.
Add in the fact people become less physically attractive as we age it becomes harder to find someone. We might be open to dating someone our age or maybe a few years older but realistically we don't find the majority of single people in that age range attractive.
More selective in a dwindling pool of physically attractive people can make poor odds.
I'm not sure if that's true. it might be true for older people who are trying to date much younger people. (Older men who are still looking to marry and start a family, for example)
I think our perception of age adjusts as we age ourselves. What I mean is, at 25, I found 55 year old men "old". They looked like grandpas to me. Now, I look at a 55-year-old guy and he seems just as cute and normal looking as the 20-somethings I'd check out when I was 25.
None of the older women I know have any trouble finding someone who's physically and sexually attracted to them either. It's finding someone suitable for a long-term compatible relationship that seems impossible, but that was just as true at age 25. We just didn't realize it until we'd exhausted ourselves with a bunch of toxic incompatible relationships and finally learned.
If anything, I think it'd be a bit easier now. Not necessarily to find someone but to not waste time with the wrong ones. I didn't know myself well enough at 25 to judge who was truly compatible with me.
Add in the fact people become less physically attractive as we age it becomes harder to find someone. We might be open to dating someone our age or maybe a few years older but realistically we don't find the majority of single people in that age range attractive.
More selective in a dwindling pool of physically attractive people can make poor odds.
Eh, but I've found that the 40 something single crowd take fitness pretty seriously. Not too many people did in my 20s (mid 90s or thereabouts). Now a huge percentage of the people on dating apps belongs to a gym, does barre, yoga, pilates, runs races, etc. It's odd to run into someone not working out at least a few times a week. Lots of us, it's part of our every day routine. I couldn't say that among the people I met 25 or so years ago. So while we of course looked younger, I can't say we were in better shape. This, of course, may be regional.
I agree with all of this. I’m definitely in better physical shape now than I was in my twenties to early thirties. I go to the gym four or five times a week, and I eat much healthier now than I did then. I hardly ever eat red meat, and maximize protein and minimize carbs. Most importantly, I totally cut out fast foods and processed foods. This is actually a pretty common lifestyle with many people in this area. Now when I visit where I grew up in rural Illinois, this is totally not the case.
I think our perception of age adjusts as we age ourselves. What I mean is, at 25, I found 55 year old men "old". They looked like grandpas to me. Now, I look at a 55-year-old guy and he seems just as cute and normal looking as the 20-somethings I'd check out when I was 25.
I thought there were two interesting threads in the retirement forum. Each thread asked the opposite sex what they still found attractive about each other. Some were jokes, some were brutal opinions. Reality is both sexes physical attractiveness diminishes with age and while other factors are definitely important, it's hard to get something started when physical part is lacking.
Not to mention when at that age a lot of assets are accrued and it just doesn't seem worth it to give half away to someone they are not really attracted to in the first place while only spending a few years. J
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